https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
This is a poem by the extremely talented Meggie Royer.
🔗https://www.facebook.com/MeggieRoyerPoetry/
I fell in love with this poem instantly, it felt so human, like the moment you truly connect with a friend. The main theme of this poem is a very serious one and the imagery is extremely heavy in my mind. I don’t want this work to romanticize something that causes so much pain. The purpose of this video is to give strength to the brave people who fight demons in their heads. You are not alone Internet Friends, I hope you like this work.
Forever Humbled,
a kid with a camera
P.S. This wouldn’t be possible without my friend who allowed me to film her walking the city, making coffee, and petting cats. https://www.instagram.com/melinoise/
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Second channel
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🔰References
-The narrator is Iness J.
Her email.
🔗ijprojects.side@gmail.com
-The music is this:
Sentient – Gavin Luke
Thanks to Chubbz for helping me with the audio
🔰My equipment:
I film handheld with a Panasonic Lumix
G80
https://amzn.to/2uGqmQZ
GX80
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📷Olympus M.Zuiko Digital 45mm F1.8 Lens
https://amzn.to/2vr9P3N
🔰The morning after I killed myself by Meggie Royer
The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.
I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.
The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.
The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.
The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.
The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.
The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.
The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.
41 Comments
Hello, I am the author of this piece and I wanted to thank illneas so much for creating this rendition! I'm truly grateful for his collaboration and support!
I wrote this piece several years ago as someone who was suicidal and enduring a severe trauma. I'm continually humbled by the outpouring of support it has received.
I posted it on my blog after I wrote it and never expected it to go viral. This piece was a letter to myself as a suicidal person, and so it may not resonate with everyone. I wrote it to myself and it was what I needed to hear at the time.
Sending love to everyone who is currently or has been struggling to the point of considering suicide. I am thinking of you and wishing you the best across the world in the U.S.
Have a wonderful day, everyone! Thank you again!
having dangerous thoughts is the worst thing ever
I came across this video after a rough day at school, I was forced to make up an excuse because I knew my teacher wouldn't accept excuses about horrible mental health for my horrible performance at school and then call it "overreacting" and a "lie."
I had horrible thoughts when I got home, I ignored my sister and our dog greeting me at the front door then locked myself in my room and had thoughts to hurt myself. I hated how I can't even get a hold of myself and how I can't even recover quickly.
All my life, people always want me to be positive and to disregard any negative emotions.
But now, after I started sobbing horribly loud at that family part, I think I'll just regret dying because I have a family and people I consider family that I love so much. I don't wanna burden them.
I'll find true happiness and will never conform to this world's standards at the same time, for me and the ones I love.
Thank you for this and btw, I hope all of you struggling right now to have a great life and be blessed with everything beautiful.
One of my best friends committed suicide 2 days ago now, January 17, 2023, somewhere at 12:48am-3am. It was an overdose. He reached out to me at 12:45am, but i was asleep, I had an exam the next day. I didn’t open his text until 6:33, and it didn’t seem that bad, just a picture of him, and while he looked depressed, I thought he was fine. I loved him so much, he was 15 years old and had his entire life ahead of him. He had just started wrestling and I was showing him everything I knew, he was getting clean off of drugs (he was a few weeks clean before the relapse). I got the call at 5:48 pm January 17th. I didn’t believe it at first, it had to have been a sick joke. I still don’t believe it. That kind soul is going to come to school and I’ll eat lunch w him like i always have done, he’ll buy me a drink that I can’t afford. We’ll steal a cookie while the lunch lady isn’t looking. I loved him so much, he helped me get through my own depression without knowing it. I cant stop crying just thinking about how he reached out to so many people the night he did it, but nobody was awake to respond. I wish he would’ve called me, I would’ve drove straight to his house and gave him the biggest hug. The last conversation we had was at a wrestling match friday. I told him how proud i was of him while he threw up because of how hard he worked himself during his match. I told him how much i loved him, and gave him all the support I could. I wish it would’ve been enough. He was his mothers only child, she was one of the nicest people i’ve ever met, and she has nobody now. I’m so sorry, I love you Jacob Cole 🕊️
If you or anyone you know is having suicidal thoughts or feeling depressed, please reach out to someone you know and trust. You are loved. You mean something to someone in this world. Suicide should never be the only option.
“It’s not the desire of the fall, it’s the fear of the flames”
-unknown
“Suffering should not be seen as the end of the world, but as the best part of the world, as without suffering, happiness is meaningless”
“I didn’t though.” Said the alive person, writing the poem. Immediately undermining the tension that was building, to cultivate a particular headspace. Doing away with the only thing that would differentiate this piece, from a seasonal depression confession on the line at Trader Joe’s.
This is Beautiful
I wonder will I ever find love
Coming back to this 2 years later brings me so much pain. I remember how I felt. To reflect back on that time in my life kills me because I’m still struggling. More has happened than I can ever imagine. I can’t believe I’m still here. I don’t know if my younger self would be happy I stayed..
This is so deep
I love this so much, man.
it's really hard not to think of death when things never seem to get better, i am too weak to live and die
IM HERE COZ I WANT TO MAKE A VIDEO OF MYSELF AND I LOVE UR WORK OF ART
Cinematic is one of my most fav of all times
Absolutely beautiful…..
How do I become someone worth caring about? Worth loving, respecting, accepting? How do I reach a point I stop having to carry the burden alone?
Hey dear stranger. You r brave and u r strong u will figure this out. Life is beautiful. Some days are dark but temporary. Just don't try to harm yourself. It's not the solution
Beautiful
This is the video that stops me from ending everything. Just wanted to say
please somebody explain this masterpiece to me. if the person is dead how do they realise and get to know about the feelings of their close ones?
People in my life including my family are the reason why i wanna end it
This comment section, this video, is full of those who have been hurt, are hurting, or are healing. You will continue you hurt. But maybe less. As you read these stories, you are on the other side of a window looking in on others lives. Everyone here is a random person on the internet. A random person on the internet who’s been heard. Maybe if you keep living things will be ok. Maybe you’ll be a bit less sad. Maybe things will get worse. But you can say you made it through. Loosing one battle can cost everything. But to loose one you have won so many. There are three hundred sixty five days in a year. Three hundred sixty five days. How many days does that mean you’ve lived with the void of thoughts. How many days you can survived one step at a time. Sometimes time doesn’t heal wounds. Sometimes we hurt. Sometimes we let our wounds fester. Sometimes we let them heal. And we all have our own ways of doing so. Each and every person have their own story. And their own stories attached to their story. Your life is a tapestry woven with every moment you have interacted with another being, every time you help the door for someone. By standing in a room you are taking up one space. By standing in a room you tangibly exist and you cannot be ignored, for everyone in that room takes up space and must take up a different amount of space accordingly. By existing you alter so many peoples lives. One or two seconds can alter a person’s life. In movies and books things can happen just in the nick of time. That timing might not have happened if it wasn’t for that person who said good morning, who accidentally blocked your path in a crowd, who gave you some of their lunch because you didn’t pack one or simply didn’t care to get one. Everyone is unique. Is special. Special doesn’t mean happy. We have all lost so much. We have all suffered so much. Each in different ways. So here’s to another day. For if we don’t live it how could we know where we could’ve ended up? Why should we dwell on our pain, even if in retrospect it seems insignificant. Because it meant something. Because it’s a part of us. All of us. As you read through all of these comments, this video, other videos, life in general, maybe you’ll relate to these stories. But I’m not you. I’m a stranger on the internet who’s still hurting. Still healing. And knows far to well that sometimes our wounds leave scars that run deep. But please take care of yourself and remember to get yourself a treat once and awhile. To take a breath. To cry. To laugh. Even if you don’t like how it sounds. Maybe this was posted for some selfish reason of wanting to help someone else when you can’t help yourself. But maybe it’s because we’re all suffering and might as well pass our stories and advice to those in a darker place.
Best wishes,
A stranger in a comments section on the internet.
I want to give my life u to someone who actually wants to live☹️
My beautiful 38 year old daughter killed her self just 6 months ago 😢 … I tried to help her beat depression, everyone in the family as well. She went to a Psychiatrist & Psychologist but, they couldn’t help her either. So many people loved and helped her. In the outside she looked so beautiful and happy 😢. Deep inside she was suffering… One of the causes (she mentioned) was that only 4 years ago, my son (her older brother) died in a terrible accident in Orlando Fl. I, with my pain tried to help her, they were very close. Now, it’s me who is trying to survive 🥺😢🙏🏼
If I don’t reply to this I am gone
I can’t help my cousin I think hes all ready done it I can’t stop fucking crying
? ? Sylvia Plath. ❤😢❤
Im tired
My best friend unalived himself 8 years ago this coming April. I miss him so much and I can only hope he is proud if everything I have overcome. This letter has always hit hard
Very sad Alabama story. Don't kill yourselves, people.
– i tried hard to not cry but i can't made it until the end of the video.
The day after suicide you still won’t have anyone, death don’t change anything, you’re still ugly lonely useless and selfish,
You just don’t have to be told it anymore. Suicide is the the moment you take charge and make a decision to benefit everyone
Noice -len nippy aka Lenard nimoy
i'm crying, thank you
I had to surf through a lot grey pop up screens and YouTube bullshit celebrities to get here
But thank you. Your video really resonated with me and I’m glad I found it
Tomorrow’s another day and I’m gonna try again
hope ur knees recover from being ill
💜
I hope soon I'll have the courage to end everything
life is a test one day we’ll go back to god and he’ll decide who’s gonna go to heaven and who’s gonna go to hell
the once that didn’t believe allah and didn’t worship him no body is gonna help them escape hell
you have to pray to get paradise otherwise you’ll be burnt
THOSE WATCHING THIS VIDEO I REQUEST THEM AS A BROTHER AND BESTIE TO SEEK A DOCTOR/PSYCHIATRIST/COUNSELLOR IMMEDIATELY COZ THERE IS MORE THAN 90% CHANCE OF A MEDICAL EMERGENCY.PLSS GUYS DONT TAKE ANY SUCH ACTION OF SUICIDE DUE TO NEGATIVE THOUGHTS.COZ ITS JUST AN ILLUSION in which YOU HAVE TRAPPED YOURSELF😊😊🙂🙂
Once in a while YouTube algorithm literally saves your life. Thanks.
To me words don't mean a thing, nobody is supporting me and with my personality living just isn't the best idea. We all die eventually and in truth that is why I am still alive. Not the fact of being brave its the fact of being terrified to die. Was there when my husband had a heart attack, there was fear and sadness in his eyes. It's a look you'll never forget and it didn't look pleasant. Main thing is feeling really trapped by my own doing and see no way out and feel like life torments my peace, in others words other humans. Destiny a life purpose is bunch a crap to me, why on earth would I care about that? Selfish I am, others say to live for people who would be devasted. No…. I just don't care . My shackles of human existence in the flesh would be gone but I'm not to certain death would solve it, who know it could be hell of a lot worse on the other side. Why else do humans have this instinct to live and keep going, it's built in and probably a good reason for it. Noone just automatically just commits suicide right away, there is thought and emotions involved to that final moment. Part of me sticks around in hopes that things will change without too much effort on my part but that is a falseness I'm clinging to. Takes a ton of effort to change things and in the end it'll be just for yourself. Wanted to be a multimillionaire to helps those I care for but I know if work hard to achieve this those people would be dead and gone so therefore it'll be me with money and that doesn't encourage me to keep on going. Before my husbands death, I was planning on giving him the best Christmas ever and make it special since I knew he was dying, even though his mind was basically going which sucks because his mind reverted to nobody loved or cared for him. Told him I loved him but he said "It takes more than words". He had forgotten everything I did or tried to do for him and yes it hurt. Anyways back to topic of Christmas Sept 5,2019 he died and well never was able to give him that. So now those I care for are struggling financially and there is nothing I can do about and by the time it's accomplished it'd be for nothing. I've been waiting to go, cry alot everyday but the worst moments are feeling nothing. No love, no hate,no happiness, no joy… absolutely nothing except when I keep thinking about dying then somehow fear is like a flicker of emotion still hanging around. I'm anti drug because it would change me who I am. and therapy words don't mean jack to me, neither does religion. So for now just thinking on many things, but eventually will have to make a choice in some direction. been in a standstill many years. No work, barely clean, or do much of anything except watch youtube clips, tv episodes etc to halt or slow down my thoughts of negativity. ah yes and don't say your husband would want you happy speech, possibly but that doesn't spark any emotions of happiness. Death is sad and it bothers me when young people do themselves in. even mid adults. One thing is for sure…. don't want to be old. No 50's,60's etc. my vision is going and aches and pains with health issues at age 42, there is no getting better climbing on up there. so prep early in life and have yourself set for old age. maintain health etc. Done typing now, off to watch something else