{"id":1841467,"date":"2025-06-06T16:00:54","date_gmt":"2025-06-06T16:00:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.wacoca.com\/anime\/1841467\/"},"modified":"2025-06-06T16:00:54","modified_gmt":"2025-06-06T16:00:54","slug":"sput-hut-the-full-series","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wacoca.com\/anime\/1841467\/","title":{"rendered":"Sput Hut: The Full Series"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\"  width=\"580\" height=\"385\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/U8NK0G9HObc\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><br \/>\n<br \/>\nSput Hut: The Full Series<br \/>\n<br \/>\n(soft funereal music) &#8211; It&#8217;s so weird that<br \/>\nwe&#8217;re having the funeral inside the restaurant. &#8211; Why is it weird? It&#8217;s only weird if you make it weird. We&#8217;re his family. &#8211; No, we&#8217;re not. He worked with us for,<br \/>\nlike, two months tops. &#8211; Well, that-that makes him family in the Spud Hut community. One day is enough. (soft sentimental music) &#8211; This is so sad. I don&#8217;t even know how he died. &#8211; Uh. &#8211; Hey. So. I know how he died. So you wanna know? &#8211; Sure. &#8211; That&#8217;s what we brought you here for. &#8211; Carmie got in a gun fight. With Geri. &#8211; You?<br \/>\n&#8211; Not me. I don&#8217;t even own a gun. &#8211; No, not you. Geri Atric? &#8211; I don&#8217;t know who that is. &#8211; No, I don&#8217;t know who that is. I&#8217;m Jerry Spruce, owner and<br \/>\nmanager at the Spud Hut. I&#8217;ve been here 19 years. It&#8217;s the best part of my life. I eat so many spuds. &#8211; He got in a gun fight, but was he shot? &#8211; It was a draw. &#8211; Draw as in they both got shot? Or draw as in neither of them got shot? &#8211; They both took a few shots, yeah. &#8211; Oh my, a few? &#8211; But then nobody died. But then Carmie took a few pills. &#8211; Oh. &#8211; Of every type. &#8211; He- &#8211; He also had some of the<br \/>\nbullets in his system. &#8211; Oh. &#8211; So he swallowed those, too. &#8211; It&#8217;s an unsafe work environment! &#8211; He wasn&#8217;t at work! &#8211; It was, like, over there.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh. (bright music) &#8211; [Tater] The Spud Hut! &#8211; Losing Carmie was hard, but I know we&#8217;re gonna overcome this, and it was a little bit better knowing that he left me<br \/>\nsome things in his will. An Xbox, his bike. Three jugs of milk. That eases the pain a little bit. What are you writing? What are you writing down? &#8211; Notes. &#8211; For what? He&#8217;s still the dead one. &#8211; Don&#8217;t call him that. &#8211; Okay, with all due respect, he was our friend and<br \/>\nworked with us, okay? &#8211; Yeah, but did you guys<br \/>\nhave an affair with him? &#8211; What?<br \/>\n&#8211; Did you? &#8211; I might have. &#8211; The biopsy lady sleeping with Carmie? Damn. Yes, my name is Tatum, but people call me Tater, &#8216;cause I work at the Spud Hut! You want me to look, like, over here, or? I think this is really inappropriate. &#8211; Yeah, this is really-<br \/>\n&#8211; He just died. &#8211; We&#8217;re trying to honor the dead here. &#8211; So am I. I honored him. I did a lot for him. And to him.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; And for him.<br \/>\n&#8211; All right. Miss Cowgirl. &#8211; I feel like we should say a prayer. &#8211; Yeah. I&#8217;m, yup. &#8211; Carmie, we worked with<br \/>\nyou for just a little, and we hope you&#8217;re up there somewhere. What? &#8211; She&#8217;s not bowing her head. &#8211; Can you bow your head? Can you please take off your hat? &#8211; You&#8217;re wearing a hat. &#8211; This is a veil.<br \/>\n&#8211; That&#8217;s a veil. &#8211; You&#8217;re wearing a hat. &#8211; This is a visor. &#8211; I&#8217;m gonna start my<br \/>\nprayer from the beginning. Carmie, we hope you rest in peace. &#8211; Technically, you guys are looking down, so, like, you think he&#8217;s in Hell? &#8211; No, it&#8217;s just the thoughts-<br \/>\n&#8211; No, it&#8217;s just a prayer. &#8211; You think he did a bad<br \/>\nthing by sleeping with me? That&#8217;s what you guys are saying. &#8211; Well we actually have to<br \/>\nopen up the shop right now, so thank you so much for- &#8211; For what reason? Your business is failing. &#8211; It&#8217;s not failing.<br \/>\n&#8211; How&#8217;d you know? &#8211; We&#8217;ve been doing-<br \/>\n&#8211; Stop. &#8211; We&#8217;ve been doing really well, actually. &#8211; Tater Tot just revealed<br \/>\nthat you guys are failing. &#8211; I hate her. &#8211; Listen. Maybe you guys could redeem yourself. &#8211; We believe in redemption. &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; I&#8217;m supposed to, like, supposed to be at this, like, state fair. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; Do you guys wanna, like, go? &#8211; Why would we go to the fair with you? You&#8217;re mean and a bitch. &#8211; Well, the winner gets 100 grand. (dramatic music) &#8211; Oh. &#8211; The winner of what? Just the fair? &#8211; It&#8217;s the Potato State Fair. &#8211; Oh my god, that&#8217;s like our whole thing. &#8211; That&#8217;s what you guys sell here? &#8211; Yes.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Spud is potato. &#8211; Spud Hut! If we go to the state fair,<br \/>\nwe could win 100 grand? &#8211; I mean, I&#8217;m gonna be the judge, so. &#8211; And all we have to<br \/>\ndo is submit a potato? &#8211; You have to submit a potato that you&#8217;ve never made before. &#8211; (gasps) A new potato. &#8211; A new spud.<br \/>\n&#8211; A new spud. &#8211; A brand new spud. &#8211; Jerry, Jerry. Jerry, if anybody could make a spud that no one&#8217;s ever seen before, it&#8217;s you. &#8211; That&#8217;s me.<br \/>\n&#8211; You make the weirdest spuds. &#8211; That&#8217;s-<br \/>\n&#8211; Remember? &#8211; Okay-<br \/>\n&#8211; Remember? &#8211; You didn&#8217;t have to call me weird. &#8211; I know, but you make the tuna spud, and the butter chicken spud.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah, yeah. &#8211; And the marshmallow spud. &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; You could do this. And if you win 100 grand-<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; [Tater] We could<br \/>\nfinally pay the mortgage. &#8211; It would change our lives. We would like to accept your offer, and submit a new potato to the state fair. &#8211; Doctor lady. &#8211; State fair, I gotta think of, I gotta think potatoes. Maybe like a Mozza ball potato. It could have Mozza, it could have balls. &#8211; Then I guess I&#8217;ll see<br \/>\nyou at the state fair. &#8211; Thank you so much. &#8211; Do it like a man. Stand up straight, shake<br \/>\nher hand like a man. We&#8217;ll see you there. &#8211; Oh. Oh. Okay. All right. Um. &#8211; You want one? &#8211; Oh, I&#8217;m, I am all good and married. &#8211; No thank you. (beeping) (bright uplifting music) &#8211; This place is so cute. You know, I never end up<br \/>\nin this corner of the mall. Oh man, so many choices. Um, do you have wine? &#8211; Oh, no. We only have water and spuds. &#8211; Do you have boxed wine? &#8211; Maybe a box, a wine spud for the fair. &#8211; Oh.<br \/>\n&#8211; Ooh! I like how the potato&#8217;s thinking. &#8211; But we unfortunately do<br \/>\nnot have boxed wine today. Maybe at the state fair, we might have an alcoholic potato option.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh. &#8211; We never had that. &#8211; Okay, do you have those<br \/>\nlittle tiny wine bottles that you can have four of and still drive? &#8211; Oh, we are a<br \/>\nbeverage-free establishment. &#8211; Oh, I see.<br \/>\n&#8211; No alcohol here. &#8211; Oh, okay. &#8211; We don&#8217;t have our alcohol license. Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh, that&#8217;s a shame. You know, this place used<br \/>\nto be a Spud (beeping), and it was one of those<br \/>\nwhere you could take- &#8211; What?<br \/>\n&#8211; The potato, and you could customize it yourself. &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; You know, you get the potato,<br \/>\nand then you take it down the whole line, and you get<br \/>\nto add all the stuff yourself. &#8211; It was call Spud (beeping)? &#8211; Yeah! &#8211; It was called Spud (beeping). It was great, it was a sports bar, and they had wine. &#8211; We should have wine. We actually, we&#8217;re looking<br \/>\ninto getting the permits. &#8211; Oh, I like the DJ potato. Oh my god. Oh my god. &#8211; Yeah, that&#8217;s our old line cook. &#8211; Oh.<br \/>\n&#8211; He just passed away &#8211; Yes. We have a spud in honor of him. &#8211; Oh no, I loved him in &#8220;Blue Bloods&#8221;. &#8211; Potato, cream, another potato. Cookie crumbs. No. We do have a spud in honor of him. It&#8217;s the hatch green chile. &#8211; Oh, that&#8217;s- &#8211; It was his favorite! &#8211; Oh, okay. You thought you&#8217;d do<br \/>\nsomething with the name. But, you know, I guess<br \/>\nyou can make anything in honor of anyone. &#8211; We can make anything in honor of anyone. Um, can I get you a spud? &#8211; If you&#8217;re not gonna give me wine, then I&#8217;m gonna simply have to leave. &#8211; Oh. &#8211; I&#8217;m gonna have to walk<br \/>\ndown this entire mall. &#8211; Oh. &#8211; All the way to the other<br \/>\nend of the fashion square. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; Where my bike is parked. &#8211; You biked here? &#8211; No, I&#8217;m just kidding. I didn&#8217;t. I drove.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh. Good. &#8211; And I will find wine<br \/>\non my way to my car. &#8211; Mm.<br \/>\n&#8211; I will drink it. &#8211; No. &#8211; And I will get in my car. &#8211; Ah, okay. Legally at the Spud Hut, I can&#8217;t recommend that you do that, but also, you go girl. &#8211; Thank you. Oh, sesame seeds.<br \/>\n&#8211; Don&#8217;t. &#8211; Boop.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh. &#8211; Oh!<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; That&#8217;s okay, I washed<br \/>\nmy hands the other day. &#8211; It still is not-<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay! Oh, it&#8217;s my ex-husband. (laughing) I&#8217;m just kidding. &#8211; Your ex-husband was a tiny potato? &#8211; No, he had a very small penis. (Tater laughing) Oh!<br \/>\n&#8211; Don&#8217;t laugh. &#8211; Boop!<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; Ow! &#8211; Ma&#8217;am.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; She gets, she has-<br \/>\n&#8211; I&#8217;m gonna go. &#8211; She has sensory- &#8211; I&#8217;m gonna go. &#8211; Okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; I&#8217;m gonna leave. &#8211; Okay, well thank you for coming- &#8211; But let me know when you have wine. &#8211; We will have the permit! &#8211; Thank you. &#8211; Yup.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yes. &#8211; Farewell!<br \/>\n&#8211; Bye! &#8211; [Jerry] Thank you for coming. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; We need alcohol.<br \/>\n&#8211; We need, I know. &#8211; People want-<br \/>\n&#8211; Yo! &#8211; [Jerry] Maybe like an old-fashioned, oh. &#8211; What&#8217;s up, Jerry?<br \/>\n&#8211; Hey! Barney!<br \/>\n&#8211; Hi, Barney. &#8211; Tater. &#8211; I&#8217;m not on my break yet. &#8211; Uh, you can go on your<br \/>\nbreak whenever you want. &#8211; Thanks, Jer.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Yeah, so I never really<br \/>\nliked him that much. We just kinda like, we hit it off. No, it was like, kind of more<br \/>\nlike a meet-cute situation, rather than like once we<br \/>\nstarted kind of dating, it wasn&#8217;t really that cute anymore. Like, what was happening was we both were on Christian Mingle as a joke, and I thought he was there seriously, and he thought I was there seriously, and we had not met anyone who was also doing that, so it was like, oh, we should kiss. &#8211; Tater, I came because I<br \/>\nhave something important that I wanted to talk to you about. &#8211; Did you want a spud? &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; I&#8217;m good, Jerry. It&#8217;s important, if you<br \/>\ncould just give a sec. &#8211; Your ear gauge that I bought you. You took it out. &#8211; Yeah, I don&#8217;t know. I just wasn&#8217;t really<br \/>\nfrickin&#8217; with it that much. Um, Tater, I think it&#8217;s time<br \/>\nfor us to end things, maybe. &#8211; No! &#8211; I think that maybe-<br \/>\n&#8211; Jerry, stop! &#8211; It&#8217;s time.<br \/>\n&#8211; Sorry. Damn. I can&#8217;t say I didn&#8217;t<br \/>\nsee it coming, though. I mean, Barney&#8217;s way<br \/>\nout of Tater&#8217;s league. He&#8217;s a cool guy. He&#8217;s a cool guy. We play pickle balls on Fridays. He&#8217;s much better than I am. He always wins. Great guy, great guy. Tater&#8217;s good too, Tater&#8217;s good too. But she&#8217;s no Barney. &#8211; I just, like I&#8217;ve been really focused on like my career, and<br \/>\nthere&#8217;s a lot of big things happening for me. You know, I&#8217;ve been grinding. I wouldn&#8217;t be able to give you the treatment that you deserve, you know, the attention. So it&#8217;s really, I&#8217;m<br \/>\nlike, doing this for you. &#8211; Do you think we&#8217;re going too fast? &#8211; No, I just like, I<br \/>\ndon&#8217;t want to, you know, like neglect you, &#8216;cause I&#8217;m so focused on, like, my career. I got big things coming,<br \/>\nand you&#8217;re just not like, it&#8217;s like you&#8217;re important to me. I really care about you, you know. And also like you&#8217;re not- &#8211; But I could teach you how to do this. &#8211; Well you&#8217;re not great actually, yeah. That&#8217;s another thing, is you&#8217;re not that great<br \/>\nat, like, sign spinning. And I&#8217;m, like, I&#8217;m really<br \/>\njust trying to perfect my craft, you know, and get better. I mean, look at this crap. Like, you can&#8217;t even, you can&#8217;t even do that junk. &#8211; I literally taught you that. &#8211; No you didn&#8217;t. Stop trying to take<br \/>\ncredit for all my success. &#8211; The fact that he would even think he could spin faster<br \/>\nthan me is so ridiculous. Like, I taught him everything he knows. My signs are so much better. I can spin them so much faster. &#8211; But I care about you so much, and this is breaking_<br \/>\n&#8211; This isn&#8217;t- &#8211; This is breaking my heart, like. &#8211; This is a bad- &#8211; It&#8217;s breaking my heart. &#8211; This is a bad day to do this. Stop! &#8211; I just really- &#8211; Our line cook that I<br \/>\ntalked to, like, twice, died. &#8211; What, did you have a<br \/>\nthing with him or something? Is that why you&#8217;re so sad? &#8211; No, I&#8217;m just saying this<br \/>\nis a bad day to do it. &#8211; Whatever, I get it. You and the old line cook-<br \/>\n&#8211; Like look, look, look. &#8211; Like, had a thing.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh, are you jealous? &#8211; Are you trying to make me jealous? &#8211; You jealous?<br \/>\n&#8211; I get it. &#8211; Look, I just have, I<br \/>\ncan&#8217;t do this right now. I care about you so much, though. And I don&#8217;t know, maybe it&#8217;s<br \/>\nnot the right time for us, right this second. Maybe the right time will<br \/>\nbe later, though, you know? Like, I&#8217;m open to that. &#8211; I can&#8217;t believe you&#8217;re<br \/>\nbreaking up with me after we&#8217;ve only like- &#8211; I mean, it&#8217;s not even really a breakup. &#8211; We didn&#8217;t even, I know, I know. It&#8217;s just- &#8211; I mean, we&#8217;re like, we were never even really official. I don&#8217;t think we ever even, like, DTR&#8217;d. You know what I mean? &#8211; No, I-<br \/>\n&#8211; So it&#8217;s like- &#8211; I wanted to DTR, and I was getting ready to have that conversation,<br \/>\nbut I just think- &#8211; [Barney] Well I know, but<br \/>\nI was playing Call of Duty when you wanted to have that talk. I was, like, really busy. &#8211; This is the worst day to do this. Okay, fine. Leave. Honestly, fine! I think it&#8217;s disgusting-<br \/>\n&#8211; Tater. &#8211; You only use mouthwash and<br \/>\nnot brush your teeth, anyway. &#8211; Tater, that&#8217;s like, you<br \/>\ndon&#8217;t need to brush &#8216;em. The mouthwash gets it all off. &#8211; That&#8217;s not true. &#8211; You should talk to a dentist. &#8211; Mouthwash is in addition to toothpaste. It is not a substitute. &#8211; Can we hug it out? I mean, I care about you a lot, Tater. &#8211; [Tater] Just leave. &#8211; Tater. Come on. Tater. &#8211; It&#8217;s like when you were<br \/>\nhere, everything was fine. And now you&#8217;re gone, and<br \/>\neverything&#8217;s crumbling. Leave, Barney! Just go! I have to go back to work!<br \/>\n&#8211; What? &#8211; I think it&#8217;s a stupid thing to have a sign for, anyway. &#8211; Whoa!<br \/>\n&#8211; Aubergine Jeans. &#8211; Whoa!<br \/>\n&#8211; I think it&#8217;s stupid! I think you&#8217;re disgusting! I think your gums smell like onions- &#8211; Okay, whatever.<br \/>\n&#8211; And it&#8217;s disgusting. Get out!<br \/>\n&#8211; Sorry, sorry! &#8211; Get out! &#8211; I didn&#8217;t realize-<br \/>\n&#8211; Get out! &#8211; Combining my passions was disgusting! Tater, I love you! But you can&#8217;t, I care about you, it&#8217;s just not the right time! &#8211; I taught you everything you know, you (beeping) ass wipe! &#8211; [Barney] Tater, it&#8217;s not you, it&#8217;s me! &#8211; I taught you everything you know! &#8211; [Barney] It&#8217;s me! &#8211; I taught you this! (sign clatters)<br \/>\n(Geri yelling) &#8211; Okay. Okay. Okay. &#8211; Tater, I forgot to ask, can you drive me to my doctor&#8217;s<br \/>\nappointment later today? You know my car broke down, right? If that&#8217;s cool with you. &#8211; I can give you a ride. &#8211; Dude, Jerry, that&#8217;d be huge, if Tater says no. &#8216;Cause I&#8217;d prefer if it was Tater, but you&#8217;re, like,<br \/>\ntotally my second option. &#8211; What? Get out! &#8211; Okay. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; He&#8217;s gross. I find skinny jeans gross. &#8211; Wow. Dinner and a show! &#8211; Did you want another spud? &#8211; I&#8217;m allergic to potatoes. I haven&#8217;t eaten it at all. I just wanted to say hi to my friend. &#8211; Oh. Oh, you knew Carmie? &#8211; Yeah. Yeah, I knew him. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; Maybe like a garlic shrimp potato? No.<br \/>\n(Tater vocalizing) Okay. \u266a And break out \u266a &#8211; A spicy, oh.<br \/>\n(air horn blowing) &#8211; Mm! &#8211; Oh.<br \/>\n&#8211; No. &#8211; Mm! Jamiroquai. &#8211; No. You&#8217;re not supposed to be here. &#8211; Sup, fam? &#8211; We told you you can only come here if you&#8217;re actually gonna buy a product. &#8211; You have to buy a spud. &#8211; I can&#8217;t buy a spud. That&#8217;s sacrilegious to the yams. Which I represent. Part of the yam guild. Yam Yurt. &#8211; What do you want, Michael? &#8211; Mikey. Okay? Jerry, Mikey, we&#8217;re basically the same. &#8211; We are not. &#8211; We are basically two<br \/>\nleaves of one feather. &#8211; Just, for- &#8211; Look. Things are (beeping) right now. &#8211; Is business bad for you guys too? &#8211; It&#8217;s so bad. It&#8217;s worse than ever.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh. &#8211; We&#8217;re going through a<br \/>\ntotal yam-ine right now. &#8211; What? &#8211; It&#8217;s almost like<br \/>\npeople come to the mall, and they want potatoes or yams. &#8211; Nobody comes to the mall anymore! &#8211; People used to love potatoes. &#8211; Dude! The (beeping) Claire&#8217;s next door to us? Empty!<br \/>\n&#8211; Empty. &#8211; Nobody&#8217;s getting their ears pierced for $2 anymore. &#8211; Where-<br \/>\n&#8211; Or for free! &#8211; Where are they getting it? &#8211; They&#8217;re offering it for free! &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Yeah! Zoomies? Empty.<br \/>\n&#8211; Empty. &#8211; Empty. &#8211; Where are they getting their backpacks? &#8211; Their backpacks.<br \/>\n&#8211; Their skateboards. &#8211; No Jan Sports anywhere. &#8211; What do you want, Mikey?<br \/>\n&#8211; You gotta buy a spud or you gotta get out. &#8211; I&#8217;m not gonna buy a spud! Jerry! I need your help. Something is wrong in<br \/>\nthis mall, all right? And we need to figure out what&#8217;s going on. &#8211; Dude, just get out. You&#8217;re going out of business, okay? It shows all over your face.<br \/>\n&#8211; Don&#8217;t drag us down with you. &#8211; You&#8217;re gonna go out of business, too. All right? First it&#8217;s the yams, then it&#8217;s the spuds. &#8211; No.<br \/>\n&#8211; No. &#8211; We&#8217;re applying for 100 grand. &#8211; You&#8217;re applying for 100 grand? &#8211; [Jerry] We&#8217;re, yes. &#8211; You can just apply for money? &#8211; We&#8217;re, it&#8217;s-<br \/>\n&#8211; Where? &#8211; The Potato State Fair. &#8211; Tell him.<br \/>\n&#8211; We are, okay. We are submitting to<br \/>\nthe Potato State Fair. And all we have to do is<br \/>\ncome up with a new potato, so you will be out of business, and we, at the Spud Hut, will be thriving. &#8211; We don&#8217;t even need you. You&#8217;re not competition. I (beeping) wish we had competition. I wish-<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; We had somebody up to<br \/>\nour (beeping) caliber- &#8211; Yeah!<br \/>\n&#8211; Of spuds! &#8211; That&#8217;s a great idea. I&#8217;m gonna join the Potato State Fair, and I&#8217;m gonna prove that yams are the ultimate form of tater. &#8211; Oh.<br \/>\n&#8211; Get over it. &#8211; Give it up! &#8211; They&#8217;re the ultimate tuber! &#8211; What? &#8211; Yams are delightfully sweet, and they&#8217;re better for you. &#8211; No.<br \/>\n&#8211; All right? And be careful what you wish for! &#8211; Actually, actually, actually, actually, they&#8217;re pretty much the same in terms of vitamins and nutrient value. &#8211; Please turn it down. I&#8217;m going through a breakup. &#8211; You&#8217;re yurt-ing my feelings. I&#8217;m sorry to hear that<br \/>\nyou&#8217;re going through that, but look at you.<br \/>\n&#8211; Mikey, just leave. &#8211; You obviously are going through that. &#8211; Hey, okay. Well that&#8217;s quite enough, Mike. &#8211; Look!<br \/>\n&#8211; My guy. &#8211; Some- &#8211; Why is your sign so dirty? &#8211; It&#8217;s so (beeping) disgusting. &#8211; From use! From care, from love.<br \/>\n&#8211; Just get the (beeping) out. &#8211; And sometimes when I hold it up, people throw spare change at me. All right? Now listen. You&#8217;re about to be faced<br \/>\nwith whatever the (beeping) is going on in this mall. &#8211; Who says shit like that? Get out!<br \/>\n&#8211; Get out. &#8211; Listen, I saw that you<br \/>\nput a baby on board sign in your Honda CRV. There&#8217;s no (beeping) baby in there. &#8211; You don&#8217;t know that. &#8211; You&#8217;re a liar.<br \/>\n&#8211; You don&#8217;t know that. &#8211; Do you have a baby-<br \/>\n&#8211; You couldn&#8217;t even- &#8211; Or not?<br \/>\n&#8211; Maybe I have a baby! &#8211; You couldn&#8217;t even<br \/>\nhave a dad if you tried. &#8211; Oh, Tater. &#8211; You couldn&#8217;t even be a dad. I&#8217;m going through it! Get out! &#8211; It&#8217;s all right.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. Well I&#8217;m gonna go take care of my baby that I have. So I hope you feel like shit, &#8216;cause I have a child. And his name, I won&#8217;t even tell you. &#8211; What&#8217;s his name? &#8211; And I was gonna make<br \/>\nyou both the godparents. &#8211; (gasps) Tater. &#8211; So that sucks, dude. Anyways. (blows raspberry) &#8211; Oh, come on. That is just disrespectful. &#8211; [Tater] We&#8217;ll see you at the fair! In your dreams! &#8211; All right. (Tater vocalizing) Chicken vindaloo. Chicken, goat vindaloo potato. Oreo potato. Potato Oreo. (gasps) (bright upbeat music) (Tater humming) &#8211; Ahoy! Peter Parker, Potato Palace. &#8211; Overboard! Man overboard.<br \/>\n&#8211; Get in line, spud! &#8211; At ease. Hello, I&#8217;m Peter Parker. I am the founder, sole proprietor, and captain of the Potato Palace, the region&#8217;s most famous<br \/>\npotato restaurant. Hello, Jerry. I saw a Yam Yurt guy was in here. &#8211; Peter. &#8211; What was this, the<br \/>\nfailed business conference? (Frite laughs) &#8211; What is this? &#8211; This is Potato Palace,<br \/>\nyour newest competition, so back up! &#8211; Back up. &#8211; Hey, what&#8217;s up? Um, I&#8217;m Frite. I&#8217;m the sign spinner at Potato Palace. The best. I was also betrothed to Peter Parker, which, like, not many people know about, but we&#8217;re not married. We&#8217;re not married. Hi. I&#8217;m Frite. &#8211; You&#8217;re what? &#8211; I&#8217;m Frite.<br \/>\n&#8211; Frite. That&#8217;s her name. Got a problem with it? &#8211; No. I was just-<br \/>\n&#8211; Good. &#8211; Didn&#8217;t understand what the word was. &#8211; Wow, Jerry. Not a lot of business here. &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; We, uh- &#8211; You know this gay sailor? &#8211; He&#8217;s not gay.<br \/>\n&#8211; He&#8217;s not gay. &#8211; Are you gay? &#8211; I&#8217;m not gay.<br \/>\n&#8211; He&#8217;s not gay. He once was my husband, but wasn&#8217;t, Because we didn&#8217;t get married. &#8211; I&#8217;m bedding with a woman. Her name is Yuki.<br \/>\n&#8211; So now you&#8217;re gay? &#8211; No!<br \/>\n&#8211; No! &#8211; He&#8217;s not gay! &#8211; Hey!<br \/>\n&#8211; Hey! &#8211; Shut up! &#8211; That&#8217;s right.<br \/>\n&#8211; Whoa. &#8211; You tell &#8216;em. You tell &#8216;em. Frite, my sign spinner. We have a bit of a history going back. She was once my betrothed. Let&#8217;s just say it didn&#8217;t work out. I don&#8217;t think she has what it takes, but she&#8217;s allowed to stay here and be my employee. She could spin a good sign. In Frite&#8217;s place, I have a new betrothed. Her name is Yuki. I keep her around my, uh, bedroom, and you know, we have a good relationship. She&#8217;s had exes in the past, which I&#8217;m not okay with, but I put up with it, you know. She&#8217;s had previous people. She&#8217;s been in bed with<br \/>\nother people before. &#8211; He has a pillow girlfriend. Anyways, we have the biggest<br \/>\npotatoes in the mall. So, pretty cool. We&#8217;re Potato Palace.<br \/>\n&#8211; I&#8217;m not gay. &#8211; And he&#8217;s not gay.<br \/>\n&#8211; We&#8217;re Potato Palace. We&#8217;re Potato Palace, I&#8217;m not gay. &#8211; Why are you wearing those shorts, then? &#8211; Because we&#8217;re (beeping) sailors. &#8211; Do you not understand a theme? &#8211; Sailors? &#8211; I see you guys clearly<br \/>\ndon&#8217;t understand a theme. You got Poke spud,<br \/>\nbacon cheeseburger spud. &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Butter chicken spud. I see you&#8217;re on your usual shit, Jerry. This is why we never worked<br \/>\nout as business partners. &#8211; Wait, you&#8217;re sailors? &#8211; Imagine potatoes on a ship. Pretty awesome, right?<br \/>\n&#8211; Potatoes on a ship. Potatoes on a ship. &#8211; It&#8217;s like you&#8217;re constantly on vacation, but you&#8217;re a potato. &#8211; What are you not getting?<br \/>\n&#8211; Partition! You know these guys? &#8211; I know Peter, I don&#8217;t<br \/>\nknow Frita, or whatever. We went to high school together. &#8211; Frite. &#8211; We took culinary arts together. &#8211; There&#8217;s no sign in front of you. You can&#8217;t hear us.<br \/>\n&#8211; You can&#8217;t hear us. We took culinary arts together. We were kind of friends, and he never accepted my topping dreams. &#8211; My time is valuable here. &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; You see, we already sold<br \/>\nout of potatoes today. &#8211; Fully sold out. It was crazy.<br \/>\n&#8211; Fully sold out. &#8211; Our line was around the block. &#8211; Around the block.<br \/>\n&#8211; We also, um- &#8211; No, you have a lot of potatoes left. Can I ask you something, Jerry? Is this the ordinary size of your potato? (Frite laughing) &#8211; That&#8217;s, what do you mean? That&#8217;s-<br \/>\n&#8211; It&#8217;s so small. &#8211; That&#8217;s an average size-<br \/>\n&#8211; Peter, it&#8217;s so small. &#8211; That&#8217;s an average size potato. &#8211; That&#8217;s hilarious.<br \/>\n&#8211; It&#8217;s so small. &#8211; What&#8217;s funny about-<br \/>\n&#8211; That is so small. &#8211; That&#8217;s a normal sized-<br \/>\n&#8211; It&#8217;s like this big. &#8211; It&#8217;s no wonder.<br \/>\n&#8211; No! &#8211; It&#8217;s no wonder nobody&#8217;s buying this. &#8211; Yeah! &#8211; Tell me. Tell me, Jerry. &#8211; How big are your potatoes? &#8211; Don&#8217;t even worry about it.<br \/>\n&#8211; Stop me. &#8211; Tell me. What&#8217;s your EBITDA? &#8211; Keep going.<br \/>\n&#8211; What? &#8211; What&#8217;s your EBITDA?<br \/>\n&#8211; Keep going. &#8211; What?<br \/>\n&#8211; Keep going. &#8211; No.<br \/>\n&#8211; Keep going. &#8211; What? &#8211; Keep going. &#8211; Keep going? &#8211; And imagine a thick,<br \/>\nfat slab of butter on it! &#8211; Hot, juicy bacon. &#8211; Delicious chives chopped perfectly, &#8216;cause we have a mandolin, idiot. &#8211; That&#8217;s right. Do you know what a mandolin is? &#8211; It&#8217;s the most dangerous<br \/>\ntool in the kitchen! &#8211; What even is your job? Is it just to scream? &#8211; She&#8217;s a sign spinner. &#8211; Do you mask for your low<br \/>\nintelligence with screaming? &#8211; Peter, she&#8217;s a sign spinner. &#8211; Oh, yes.<br \/>\n&#8211; What&#8217;s your name? &#8211; Nice to meet you.<br \/>\n&#8211; Of course. &#8211; What&#8217;s your name? &#8211; Frite. &#8211; Don&#8217;t touch her sign. &#8211; Let me just feel the tip of it. &#8211; Don&#8217;t. &#8211; Let me just feel the tip of it. (Frite sighs) &#8211; We&#8217;re not doing this, Frite. Don&#8217;t stoop down to their level. &#8211; I just wanted-<br \/>\n&#8211; Stop! &#8211; It&#8217;s how sign greeters greet. &#8211; And I just thought I&#8217;d mention we have created the largest potato, and we&#8217;re gonna be at the state fair. (Tater laughs) With our newest potato. &#8211; Size doesn&#8217;t matter! It&#8217;s the toppings and the<br \/>\ninside that does matter. &#8211; We have an insane amount of toppings. Look at this. There&#8217;s butter on my costume. &#8211; Are you expecting? &#8211; No. (Tater laughing)<br \/>\n&#8211; You look like it. &#8211; Shut up! &#8211; I think what you can be expecting is being out of business. &#8211; Yeah, right. We&#8217;ve got a new potato in the works. It&#8217;s gonna blow your big<br \/>\npotato out of the water. &#8211; Tell him, Jerry. Tell him what it is. &#8211; Yeah, tell us exactly what it&#8217;s called-<br \/>\n&#8211; Why don&#8217;t you tell us? &#8211; And what the ingredients are. &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; You&#8217;ll steal it, knowing you! &#8211; We don&#8217;t need to steal anything. &#8211; Yeah, we already have it.<br \/>\n&#8211; You kidding me? We have the secret sauce. &#8211; Secret sauce? &#8211; And not a real sauce, dummy. &#8211; Mikey, not now!<br \/>\n&#8211; It smells like, it smells like farts in here. What is that?<br \/>\n&#8211; Smells like hog water. &#8211; It&#8217;s Mikey.<br \/>\n&#8211; That was me! Whoa. Told you, the gay guy. &#8211; I don&#8217;t even see him.<br \/>\n&#8211; He&#8217;s not gay! &#8211; I don&#8217;t even see him. &#8211; I&#8217;m inventing a new potato! &#8211; Michael, go home.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; Shut! Anyways, there&#8217;s only<br \/>\none way to settle this. &#8211; Ow!<br \/>\n&#8211; Hey. Hey!<br \/>\n&#8211; What are you doing? &#8211; Okay, Mikey, that&#8217;s quite enough. &#8211; Ah! No! No! &#8211; Yeah!<br \/>\n&#8211; No! &#8211; All right, I think<br \/>\nI&#8217;m gonna have to ask- (Mikey wails) Everyone who&#8217;s not purchasing a spud to- &#8211; Michael, get out of here.<br \/>\n&#8211; Please vacate. &#8211; Not until you give me the remains of my sign. &#8211; What are you doing? &#8211; I just, I just took a smell of you. (Mikey blows raspberries)<br \/>\n(all groan) &#8211; He always does that. &#8211; Why does he do that? &#8211; I&#8217;ve always wanted to take<br \/>\nthe sign out of his hand. I&#8217;ve always wanted to do<br \/>\nthat, and you did that. &#8211; Why didn&#8217;t you do it? It really wasn&#8217;t that<br \/>\nhard, I just took it. You know, Tater, is it? &#8211; Yeah. And Frite? &#8211; You can do hard things. It&#8217;s not hard. &#8211; Attention! At ease. Don&#8217;t talk to the competition. &#8211; You&#8217;re right.<br \/>\n&#8211; Don&#8217;t trust them. &#8211; Salute! &#8211; You&#8217;re right.<br \/>\n&#8211; Salute! I don&#8217;t know, salute! &#8211; What are you doing? You guys don&#8217;t salute. &#8211; Yeah, we. &#8211; Jerry.<br \/>\n&#8211; Spud Hut! &#8211; Well, I think I&#8217;ve<br \/>\nseen enough for today. &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Seems like you&#8217;re failing, as usual. &#8211; Yuck. &#8211; I, uh, gotta get to better things, AKA, my new girlfriend, Yuki, who is a woman, and I&#8217;m not gay. I&#8217;ll see you at the state fair. &#8211; I&#8217;ll see-<br \/>\n&#8211; Failure. &#8211; I&#8217;ll see on your, on your gay boat. &#8211; Go ahead.<br \/>\n&#8211; Stop! &#8211; Go ahead. &#8211; All boats are gay.<br \/>\n&#8211; It&#8217;s a ship! &#8211; All boats are gay! &#8211; It&#8217;s a ship!<br \/>\n&#8211; That&#8217;s not true! &#8211; That is true.<br \/>\n&#8211; That is not true! &#8211; Yup!<br \/>\n&#8211; Yachts aren&#8217;t gay! &#8211; Look how they look!<br \/>\n&#8211; No! &#8211; Cruises aren&#8217;t gay! Ships aren&#8217;t gay!<br \/>\n&#8211; Look. &#8211; Only tugboats are gay, okay? Only tugboats are gay!<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah! (Jerry yelps) &#8211; Hey! &#8211; Back the (beeping) up! I&#8217;ve been through a lot of shit today, and I won&#8217;t let it happen again! &#8211; Jesus, are you okay? &#8211; Yeah, I&#8217;m fine. &#8211; Frite, dismissed! &#8211; See you at the state fair. &#8211; We&#8217;ll see you there. &#8211; Okay. Let&#8217;s go. &#8211; I&#8217;m not gay.<br \/>\n&#8211; I, see ya. Are you sure you&#8217;re okay?<br \/>\n&#8211; Ma&#8217;am. Hey. Hey. What?<br \/>\n(Frite grunting) Stop, stop! &#8211; Just don&#8217;t look. &#8211; The work load&#8217;s too much, Tater. This is too much for us<br \/>\nto handle by ourselves. We need a new Carmie. We need something better than Carmie. We need a miracle.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh, (beeping). No! &#8211; No!<br \/>\n&#8211; No! (Mikey sighs) &#8211; I just came here to confess something. I don&#8217;t have a baby. &#8211; We- &#8211; I have that sign because sometimes I feel like I&#8217;m a baby. &#8211; Well, you shit yourself enough, so. &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; We&#8217;ll see you at the state fair, Mikey. &#8211; You will. &#8211; No.<br \/>\n&#8211; No. &#8211; [Jerry] You don&#8217;t wash your hands. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; Okay! You&#8217;re right! &#8211; We need-<br \/>\n&#8211; No more living in the past! &#8211; We&#8217;ve gotta go to the future! We need someone, oh hello,<br \/>\nwelcome to Spud Hut. &#8211; Welcome to Spud Hut. (Tater grunting) &#8211; I see your signs. I like what you&#8217;re doing here with food. Bacon cheeseburger spud, yup. Poke spud, gotta catch it all. Butter chicken spud, uh,<br \/>\ndon&#8217;t mind if I Vindaloo. Hatch green chiles, yeah, I&#8217;ll take one of<br \/>\nall of them, please. &#8211; One of every spud? &#8211; Yes. To start.<br \/>\n&#8211; Finally. It feels like today,<br \/>\neveryone who&#8217;s come in here hasn&#8217;t ordered a spud. &#8211; You really know your way around spuds. &#8211; Yeah, some could say I really like (beeping) up some food. &#8211; Well, do you have experience with the food service industry? &#8211; Please, I have been<br \/>\nbanned at more restaurants than you&#8217;ve ever walked into, sir. &#8211; Well, we&#8217;re, um, we&#8217;re actually, uh, hiring right now. &#8211; What&#8217;s in it for me? &#8211; Um. We can pay you?<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; Really?<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Well, we&#8217;re actually in the market for new spuds, so I guess this<br \/>\nis your interview right now. &#8211; Okay, I got this. Here you go.<br \/>\n&#8211; All right. &#8211; What do you usually have potato with? Steak, right?<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; We reverse this. So you gotta take a mashed potato, fry it on both sides into a patty, and then you take steak, form<br \/>\nit into like a potato ball shape, cook that up, too. Deep fry both of &#8216;em. Blend it. &#8211; Are you gay? &#8211; I can be. Is it in the open waters? International waters,<br \/>\nthen everything counts. &#8211; Boats are gay! &#8211; Boats are, oh yeah, boats are gay. Well, boats are pan.<br \/>\n&#8211; Wait! There&#8217;s an eggplant! There&#8217;s a spicy Chinese eggplant! &#8211; Szechuan? &#8211; Szechuan! Szechuan!<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. So-<br \/>\n&#8211; You&#8217;re hired! &#8211; Oh, good. Okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; This is amazing! Everything&#8217;s falling into place! We&#8217;re gonna win the state fair! (dramatic music) &#8211; (sniffs air) Um, this sounds weird. Was there someone named Mikey in here? &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; That&#8217;s so weird.<br \/>\n&#8211; You get the Clorox wipes. &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; That dude needs to<br \/>\nget a blood test done. I swear to god. &#8211; Oh, oh, oh, oh. Potato a la mode. Potato a la mode. No. (dramatic music) (bright upbeat music) &#8211; [Tater] The Spud Hut! &#8211; See, usually I do<br \/>\nabout, like, eight to six sesame seeds per spud. &#8211; Me? &#8211; Yeah, I&#8217;m-<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh, damn. I&#8217;m so sorry. I had no idea you were<br \/>\ntalking that whole time. &#8211; No, that&#8217;s okay. I was just training you a little bit. Okay, so you&#8217;re gonna do- &#8211; I&#8217;m sorry I&#8217;m late, you guys. But I have some exciting news. I&#8217;ve had an epiphany. What we need is marketing. And what do you need to market? &#8211; An Instagram post!<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay, we got that. So what&#8217;s even better than Instagram? &#8211; Grassroots, alternate reality game where people find clues that lead them to special websites that give them other clues, and then it leads them here.<br \/>\n&#8211; No. &#8211; Okay. A commercial! So I brought in a freelance director, Tomey from Smish! Tomey! &#8211; Hey, I&#8217;m back! &#8211; Hey!<br \/>\n&#8211; Yay! &#8211; Hey!<br \/>\n&#8211; And Olivia from Smish! &#8211; Oh my god. &#8211; I was always more of<br \/>\na Rooster Teeth guy. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; [Tater] The Spud Hut! &#8211; I mean, you guys keep<br \/>\na pretty clean shop. This is actually looking pretty good. I think-<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; I just need to bring in our talent, and then we can go ahead and hop right in. &#8211; What?<br \/>\n&#8211; Sound good? Keith, let&#8217;s get in here. &#8211; Oh.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yo! &#8211; There he is!<br \/>\n&#8211; How you doing, Tomey? &#8211; Keith Leak Jr!<br \/>\n&#8211; Keith Leak! &#8211; Keith Leak Jr!<br \/>\n&#8211; Keith Leak! &#8211; From Smish! Your eyes aren&#8217;t playing tricks on you. How you all doing? I&#8217;m here to play Jerry. Is this Jerry?<br \/>\n&#8211; That&#8217;s right. Yes, that&#8217;s Jerry.<br \/>\n&#8211; Let me light this for you. &#8211; That&#8217;s Jerry.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh! &#8211; Wow.<br \/>\n&#8211; Jerry, meet Jerry. &#8211; How you doing, Jerry? &#8211; You&#8217;re here to play Jerry? &#8211; I&#8217;m here to play Jerry.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah, that&#8217;s right. Oh, wow! They sound exactly the same. &#8211; It&#8217;s gonna be good. It&#8217;s gonna be good.<br \/>\n&#8211; Wow! &#8211; It&#8217;s gonna be good.<br \/>\n&#8211; I got it, I got it, yeah. Well, I&#8217;m here because this<br \/>\nwas an acting challenge for me. I&#8217;ve done, like, I don&#8217;t<br \/>\nknow how many commercials in the past year and a half, and I&#8217;m glad I did it, because you need to go<br \/>\nthrough some shit sometimes. Can I say shit here? Is that fine to say shit? &#8211; Tomey, could I, uh,<br \/>\nhave a second with you? &#8211; Oh sure, yeah yeah. Olivia, you can just, like, set the light down over here.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay, all right. &#8211; Get yourself settled. &#8211; And do you need me to be there? I mean, I&#8217;m trying to<br \/>\nunderstand the character. &#8211; No, just observe the<br \/>\nbody language from afar. &#8211; The body language.<br \/>\n&#8211; Get into it. &#8211; Get into it, okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah, yeah, yeah. &#8211; I&#8217;m gonna do some<br \/>\nstretches in the corner. &#8211; Love that.<br \/>\n&#8211; All right. &#8211; We&#8217;re gonna need that. All right. Thank you, Olivia.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. All right. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; Tomey. Uh-<br \/>\n&#8211; Hey, what&#8217;s up? &#8211; Uh, I was just wondering. Uh, did we need an actor? Because I&#8217;m actually, I<br \/>\ndon&#8217;t know if you know this. I-<br \/>\n&#8211; What&#8217;s that? &#8211; I am actually an actor myself. &#8211; Oh, I did not know that. &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Would not have known that. &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Or thought that. &#8211; I did some shows in high school. &#8211; Oh, that&#8217;s great. What shows did you do? &#8211; Uh, &#8220;Fiddler on the Roof&#8221;. &#8211; Oh, that&#8217;s good. So big show, like nothing on camera? &#8211; I did take some acting classes. And I&#8217;ve seen some plays in my day. &#8220;Shrek the Musical&#8221;. &#8211; I was stuck in a relationship, and then it wasn&#8217;t until someone just asks you genuinely, &#8220;How are you?&#8221; &#8211; Mm. &#8211; Like you ever feel<br \/>\nwhen someone asks you, like, &#8220;Hey, how are you?&#8221; And you&#8217;re like, &#8220;Oh my god, I actually haven&#8217;t thought<br \/>\nabout that in a long time.&#8221; &#8211; How are you? &#8211; See, that&#8217;s what I&#8217;m saying. And I&#8217;m like, well, I<br \/>\nactually think this breakup, maybe he was kind of an asshole. &#8211; [Keith] Mm. &#8211; And like-<br \/>\n&#8211; Can I just say something? &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; You&#8217;re pathetic. &#8211; Uh. &#8211; Should we audition it, or? &#8211; Audition? Well, well he&#8217;s got the part. Do you, I mean, I&#8217;m gonna have him say like, &#8220;Welcome to Spud Hut. I&#8217;m Jerry.&#8221; &#8211; Welcome to Spud Hut. I&#8217;m Jerry Spruce. &#8211; See, there&#8217;s a weird,<br \/>\nlike, skeleton thing that you did, and I don&#8217;t really know if I enjoyed that as much. &#8211; Oh, okay. I can loosen it up. I can loosen it up.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; Welcome to Spud Hut. I&#8217;m Jerry Spruce.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh. It&#8217;s kind of scarecrow<br \/>\n&#8220;Wizard of Oz&#8221; kinda vibes. &#8211; I just heard this<br \/>\nstranger call you pathetic, and I think you should lean into it, because that works for me.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; If you just, like, if<br \/>\nyou just start crying, and you&#8217;re like, &#8220;Please, please. It&#8217;s been so long, please.&#8221; Like, that usually, it does something. &#8211; Like, go full on with your patheticism. &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; You think so? I think sometimes, I think<br \/>\nthis last guy I was dating, he was the pathetic one. &#8211; I appreciate the care,<br \/>\nand passion that you have for this project- \u266a Welcome to Spud Hut \u266a \u266a I&#8217;m Jerry Spruce \u266a &#8211; That was great, Jerry. You trusted me for this commercial, so I&#8217;m gonna go ahead and- \u266a Oh, we got the spuds \u266a \u266a Oh, we got the spuds \u266a \u266a Here at the Spud Hut \u266a \u266a Here at the Spud Hut \u266a &#8211; Thanks for letting me talk about it. It&#8217;s just like, when you<br \/>\ngo through a breakup, it&#8217;s like pretty, and I can&#8217;t believe it, like we&#8217;re shooting a commercial. &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; My life changed in two seconds. &#8211; [Keith] Yeah. \u266a Oh, we got the spuds \u266a \u266a Oh, we got the spuds, yeah \u266a &#8211; Jerry, let&#8217;s have Keith<br \/>\ncome here and do that. Come on in.<br \/>\n&#8211; I do recognize you from the Uber Eats commercial. &#8211; Oh, one second. Yeah. &#8211; He&#8217;s from the Uber Eats commercial. &#8211; Yeah, it&#8217;s the one where<br \/>\nit looks like he blew Frosty. &#8211; I am completely distraught after hearing about Tater&#8217;s dating life. It really broke my heart. I think I&#8217;ll remember her story forever. &#8211; I am trying to be a<br \/>\nlittle less pathetic. I just met a couple<br \/>\npeople that made me feel like whoa, I don&#8217;t want to be pathetic. So do you have any advice on how to be not what you keep saying that I am? &#8211; I think you have to lean in to how pathetic you are. &#8211; That&#8217;s, I&#8217;m sorry, just for the record, that&#8217;s literally what I said. &#8211; Please stop, please stop. Go over there. &#8211; I will, bye.<br \/>\n&#8211; Goodbye. \u266a Oh, we got the Spud Hut \u266a \u266a Whoa, we got the Spud Hut \u266a &#8211; Oh, Keith! \u266a Yeah, yeah \u266a &#8211; The pipes are amazing!<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah, yeah. I&#8217;ve been working on it.<br \/>\n&#8211; I can always count on you. &#8211; I&#8217;ve been taking vocal classes and shit like that, yeah. &#8211; Okay, so you said lean into it? &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; What does that mean? &#8211; Don&#8217;t even think<br \/>\npathetic is a bad thing. Think of it as, like, a pool, and you&#8217;re fully jumping in. Look at yourself. &#8211; That&#8217;s a slate, not a mirror. &#8211; Are you an actor? &#8211; No, but I&#8217;ve heard about them. &#8211; I want you to love yourself. Okay? Because inside this pathetic potato is a little girl, and she<br \/>\nneeds to be hugged and loved. &#8211; It&#8217;s crazy, actors,<br \/>\nthey&#8217;re just like us. That was amazing. That was so cool. She really kept saying I was pathetic, and sorry, I&#8217;ll look over here, yeah. So she kept saying I was pathetic, and at some point, you<br \/>\nknow when you say a word over and over again, you&#8217;re<br \/>\nlike, &#8220;Horse, horse, horse horse, horse, horse,&#8221; and you&#8217;re like what is that word? Horse. Like she kept saying, &#8220;Pathetic&#8221; and it stopped feeling bad, and it started actually feeling good. &#8211; That&#8217;s wonderful.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah, yeah. &#8211; Keith, thank you so much.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah, for sure. &#8211; I&#8217;ll just, um, I&#8217;ll just help direct from behind, I guess. &#8211; We actually, we have<br \/>\na director, and it&#8217;s me. So we&#8217;re all actually good. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; You can go ahead and hang<br \/>\nout, go home if you want. Whatever you want. &#8211; I&#8217;ll watch, if that&#8217;s okay. &#8211; Yeah, as long as you&#8217;re out of the way. &#8211; Are you gay? &#8211; I&#8217;ve had the pride spud four times. &#8211; You&#8217;ve had what? &#8211; We have a pride spud. &#8211; Oh, like a potato? A gay potato? &#8211; Yeah. And it&#8217;s the best one. &#8211; You really have to look<br \/>\nin the nooks and crannies of the world to find a story like Tater&#8217;s. &#8211; Could I message you<br \/>\non Facebook sometimes? &#8211; Please do not do that. &#8211; Thank you for saying this. &#8211; I love you. &#8211; I love you, too. &#8211; I&#8217;m gonna go help set up now. &#8211; You actors are amazing. &#8211; Bye, potato. &#8211; Bye, Olivia from Smish. I am pathetic. &#8211; What&#8217;s up? &#8211; That&#8217;s perfect. I have time to think about my new potato. &#8211; Oh, that&#8217;s great. &#8211; We have to think about a new potato. &#8211; Ah, sorry. I just wanted to hop in. I was kinda eavesdropping. I&#8217;m the one thinking of a new potato, so, if you wanna watch, we<br \/>\nhave a cook chair for you that you could just watch. &#8211; Then I will watch from the cook chair. &#8211; That&#8217;s great. All right. I think we&#8217;re good to<br \/>\nstart shooting, everybody! Great. Hell yeah. Let&#8217;s do this. (bright upbeat music) All right, Keith. So let&#8217;s go ahead and<br \/>\nget into character here. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; Can you give me a little<br \/>\nbit of Jerry Spruce? Now remember, Jerry&#8217;s<br \/>\nlike a gangly kinda guy. He&#8217;s got that voice. &#8211; Yeah, yeah, yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah, yeah, yeah. &#8211; Yeah, yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Let&#8217;s see it. Let&#8217;s see it.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. You want me to do it into the camera? &#8211; Yeah, sure, here. We&#8217;ll roll on rehearsal here. &#8211; Okay, thank you.<br \/>\n&#8211; Go for it. &#8211; Okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. (bright music) &#8211; Oh, hi! I&#8217;m Jerry Spruce. That&#8217;s his name, right? &#8211; Jerry Spruce. &#8211; Okay, my bad, my bad, my bad. &#8211; Yeah, yeah, yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; Yeah, the character of Jerry is kind of like, he&#8217;s kind of a weirdo. He&#8217;s kinda like-<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah, a weirdo. &#8211; Yeah, he&#8217;s lovable.<br \/>\n&#8211; Uh-huh. &#8211; He&#8217;s got like a good spirit, but it&#8217;s like, you wouldn&#8217;t wanna interact with him for too long, you know? &#8211; And I know that&#8217;s really<br \/>\nfar from who you are. &#8211; Absolutely.<br \/>\n&#8211; As a person. &#8211; Yeah, I&#8217;m not that guy. &#8211; But he could do it.<br \/>\n&#8211; I know he can. &#8211; I didn&#8217;t really understand the direction that Tomey was taking, and I, uh, didn&#8217;t like the interpretation that Keith had. I don&#8217;t think I&#8217;m that<br \/>\nweird, or scrangly, or lanky. Right? &#8211; Oh, hello. I&#8217;m Jerry Spruce, and welcome to Spud Hut. (Olivia gasping)<br \/>\n&#8211; It&#8217;s really good, is it not? &#8211; Yeah, yeah. Oh, I got a quick question. What&#8217;s a spud? &#8211; Um, so it&#8217;s a potato.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh! &#8211; [Tomey] Yeah, don&#8217;t<br \/>\nworry about it, though. It&#8217;s just-<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; We just gotta get the lines down. &#8211; Okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; You know, actor. &#8211; I mean, that was the only line I got. Hello, my name is Jerry Spruce- &#8211; No, and you killed it. &#8211; And I killed it? &#8211; So that&#8217;s great.<br \/>\n(all clapping) Olivia, you&#8217;re gonna be, oh. So good. Olivia, you&#8217;re gonna be our customer. (Tater clapping) &#8211; I&#8217;m gonna be in this? &#8211; You&#8217;re good. Thank you. &#8211; It&#8217;s honestly so crazy<br \/>\nthat this entire time, I just needed to accept the<br \/>\nfact that I was pathetic, and all I needed was that<br \/>\nbeautiful actress lady to tell me that, like, I am pathetic. And I knew that. I knew that. But I was like, I just<br \/>\nneeded her to tell me that it&#8217;s okay that I know. Like you. Back there behind the camera. You could be pathetic. &#8211; Olivia, you&#8217;re gonna be our customer. Yeah, you&#8217;re gonna be in this. So we&#8217;re gonna have Jerry say his line, and then customer is gonna come in and say, &#8220;Can I have a potato, please?&#8221; (Tater clapping)<br \/>\nAnd then you&#8217;re gonna go- And we&#8217;re good. Thank you.<br \/>\n&#8211; Wow. &#8211; And then you can give the potato, and then you can both look into the camera and go, &#8220;Spud Hut.&#8221; So does that sound good to you guys? &#8211; I&#8217;m gonna act next to one of the greats. &#8211; Yes, that&#8217;s right.<br \/>\n&#8211; Hold on. &#8211; All right.<br \/>\n&#8211; Wow. &#8211; Let&#8217;s give it a shot.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; I wanna make sure that this works here. &#8211; All right.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; So let&#8217;s just take it<br \/>\nfrom Olivia walking in. &#8211; Okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh my god. &#8211; And then ask him for a potato. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; Let&#8217;s see what that looks like. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; Do you need quiet? &#8211; And we&#8217;re good, yes. If you could-<br \/>\n&#8211; Hold! Hold, we are shooting! &#8211; That&#8217;s great. All right, let&#8217;s take it from<br \/>\nOlivia walking in, and action. Let&#8217;s see. (bright music) Now ask for a potato. &#8211; Can I have a potato? &#8211; Okay, let&#8217;s hold for a second. Sir? &#8211; What&#8217;s that? &#8211; Hi, Gus was it?<br \/>\n&#8211; Sure. &#8211; Could you get out of the<br \/>\nshot, if you don&#8217;t mind? We&#8217;re trying to-<br \/>\n&#8211; Am I in the shot? Oh, I had no idea.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah, I mean, yeah. The cameras were, you&#8217;re in the short. If you could just-<br \/>\n&#8211; I&#8217;m so sorry. I thought you wanted<br \/>\njust like some background movement, like there&#8217;s so much life. &#8211; Didn&#8217;t need that, didn&#8217;t<br \/>\nsay it, didn&#8217;t need it. &#8211; But you were thinking-<br \/>\n&#8211; No. That&#8217;s great, though.<br \/>\n&#8211; You were thinking it. &#8211; But thank you. &#8211; Well I&#8217;ll just-<br \/>\n&#8211; You can- &#8211; I&#8217;ll just drop this-<br \/>\n&#8211; There&#8217;s- &#8211; Here, and we&#8217;re good.<br \/>\n&#8211; You don&#8217;t need to. No, please don&#8217;t cover up the- &#8211; What&#8217;s wrong with him? &#8211; &#8216;Cause we wanna show<br \/>\noff the store, you know? &#8211; No, for sure. Of course. This is how it normally is. I wanna show people how it normally is, so there we go. &#8211; Should we call security? Somebody call 911! &#8211; We don&#8217;t need to!<br \/>\n&#8211; Yes, I will! &#8211; We don&#8217;t need, no, no, no, no! No, no, no! We don&#8217;t-<br \/>\n&#8211; Tomey, Tomey, Tomey. I have a hard out, so I gotta get this going.<br \/>\n&#8211; No, I know. We&#8217;re trying to, I know.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; I know, you said you got 20 minutes. &#8211; [Jerry] And if you need to leave- &#8211; There&#8217;s no home phone! &#8211; No Jerry, we&#8217;re actually good. You can go ahead and take a seat. Thank you so much.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah, I think got 30. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; Okay guys, we gotta<br \/>\nget to this commercial. &#8211; Yeah, we gotta get through it. &#8211; Hold! &#8211; Hey, hey. I think you&#8217;re incredible, and I love that you&#8217;re<br \/>\nin this potato costume, so I think to sell it-<br \/>\n&#8211; It&#8217;s my uniform. &#8211; When our customer asks for a potato, I&#8217;m gonna have Keith call you in, and you can be-<br \/>\n(chair clattering) &#8211; [Keith] What? What&#8217;s going on with Jerry?<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh my god. &#8211; Hey Jerry, you good dog?<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah, sorry. I just thought you wanted a chair. &#8211; Oh no, I didn&#8217;t. I didn&#8217;t, but thank you, Jerry. Did you wanna take a seat? But not right there. \u266a I&#8217;m Jerry Spruce \u266a &#8211; [Tomey] Yeah- \u266a I&#8217;m a manager at Spud Hut \u266a &#8211; Hey, hey Jerry.<br \/>\n&#8211; This is really, really wonderful.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; So I&#8217;m actually gonna<br \/>\njust like pull you back here if that&#8217;s okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; No. &#8211; All right. And get you right there.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh my god. &#8211; Okay. (Jerry chuckles) &#8211; Olivia, let&#8217;s have you back out here. We&#8217;re gonna have that first line. Olivia, come in, you&#8217;re gonna call for, uh, for, what was it? What was it? &#8211; Tater!<br \/>\n&#8211; Tater, yes. Okay, great. I got it. Give me, like, 40% more gangly this time. &#8211; Oh okay, got you.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. I really wanna get, you know. &#8211; Oh yeah!<br \/>\n(Tomey roars) Hello, I&#8217;m Jerry Spruce!<br \/>\n&#8211; That&#8217;s right. &#8211; [Keith] Welcome to Spud Hut! (Tater clapping)<br \/>\n&#8211; Exactly. And we&#8217;re good.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah, yeah. &#8211; Okay. Everyone&#8217;s ready? &#8211; Yes.<br \/>\n&#8211; Here we go. &#8211; I&#8217;m ready.<br \/>\n&#8211; We&#8217;re ready. &#8211; Hold on, is everybody ready? Let&#8217;s just make sure everybody&#8217;s ready. &#8211; I hope we&#8217;re all ready.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay, cool. &#8211; Okay everyone, no interruptions. We gotta get this done. Okay? Lights. Camera. &#8211; Action.<br \/>\n&#8211; Uh, don&#8217;t, no action. I&#8217;m the director. Here we go, and-<br \/>\n&#8211; Action. &#8211; Hold, and that&#8217;s a<br \/>\nhold over here for me. &#8211; Okay, all right. Guys, I only have 20 minutes left. That&#8217;s all I got.<br \/>\n&#8211; I know, I know. I know we&#8217;re running out of time. &#8211; I love being here working with you guys. &#8211; I know.<br \/>\n&#8211; But this is a lot. &#8211; And, ready?<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah, yeah. &#8211; And action. &#8211; Oh! Hello, I&#8217;m Jerry Spruce, and welcome to Spud Hut! &#8211; Hey, Jerry. Can I order a potato? &#8211; Potato! &#8211; [Tomey] God, so good. Yes. Oh. &#8211; Oh.<br \/>\n&#8211; No, no. No, no, no horse. Horse? Why horse? &#8211; These potatoes didn&#8217;t<br \/>\nmake me sick at all. &#8211; What the hell- &#8211; Augustus, we&#8217;re gonna,<br \/>\nokay, can we cut here? Let&#8217;s cut. Um, I guess-<br \/>\n&#8211; Action! &#8211; Opposite of that. &#8211; And cut!<br \/>\n&#8211; Hold! Action!<br \/>\n&#8211; Not for the cut! &#8211; I think we got it.<br \/>\n&#8211; Everyone! &#8211; Hold!<br \/>\n&#8211; And cut! &#8211; Guys, this is, I don&#8217;t<br \/>\nknow if I can work like this. It&#8217;s a little chaotic. &#8211; Actually, I don&#8217;t know<br \/>\nif I can work like this. I&#8217;ve done too many<br \/>\ncommercials to be doing this. &#8211; You got 15 minutes left. Suck it up.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh wow. Thank you. Who are you again? &#8211; Do not speak-<br \/>\n&#8211; I&#8217;m Augustus. &#8211; Don&#8217;t talk to our actors like that. &#8211; He&#8217;s the new line cook. &#8211; I&#8217;m the new line cook, and actually, that&#8217;s my<br \/>\nline, so let me cook. &#8211; These stories are important to tell. &#8211; Mm-hmm. &#8211; And we feel very honored to have come here. &#8211; No, (beeping) all that.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; This was one of the worst sets that I&#8217;ve ever been on. &#8211; Right, because you&#8217;re seasoned. &#8211; Yeah, I&#8217;ve been very seasoned. &#8211; Commercial actor. &#8211; But the issue was, I mean, I was doing this for Tomey, honestly. I was doing this as just<br \/>\nsome help for a friend. &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; That&#8217;ll be the last time<br \/>\nI&#8217;ll probably do that. &#8211; Tomey, can I, um, can I<br \/>\ntalk to you for a second? &#8211; Okay, you&#8217;re disrupting<br \/>\nthe production, but sure. Yeah, that&#8217;s great. It&#8217;s already been disrupted. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; This commercial is not really, um, going the way that I envisioned it going. &#8211; Jerry, when we talked about this, you had said that you gave me the creative control.<br \/>\n&#8211; Right. &#8211; You&#8217;re disrupting my production. &#8211; Right.<br \/>\n&#8211; This is not working well for me.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Okay? I&#8217;m not really enjoying-<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; The work that we got going on. &#8211; Okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay? &#8211; Well, you did recast me, so. &#8211; Well I actually just never<br \/>\ncast you at all, actually. &#8211; Oh.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Oh. &#8211; It was always Keith&#8217;s,<br \/>\nit was always Keith. &#8211; Hey! &#8211; So you didn&#8217;t watch the<br \/>\nself tape I sent in with- &#8211; I didn&#8217;t receive, you sent a self tape? &#8211; I got a self tape from you earlier. That must have- &#8211; Oh, I sent it to Augustus, he- &#8211; Oh no, didn&#8217;t get it. Jerry, I just, I really don&#8217;t think this is gonna work out.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; It was a very small rate, anyway, so I can, I don&#8217;t mind losing that. You can keep it. &#8211; Hold on, small rate? &#8211; You&#8217;ll still get your, I&#8217;m giving him-<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh, okay. &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Shit. &#8211; I don&#8217;t need the money. I&#8217;m a wealthy, successful<br \/>\ndirector in Los Angeles. &#8211; YouTuber. &#8211; So I&#8217;m gonna leave you be.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; Good luck. I&#8217;ll send someone to come<br \/>\npick up the equipment. &#8211; Okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; But I think I&#8217;m done here. &#8211; Okay. Well thank you so much for your help. &#8211; Good luck with everything, Jerry. Sorry this didn&#8217;t work out. &#8211; That sucks.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; You know what? We don&#8217;t need a commercial. The spuds will speak for themselves. \u266a I&#8217;m Jerry Spruce \u266a \u266a Manager at the Spud Hut \u266a \u266a And I can direct a commercial \u266a &#8211; [Olivia] No. \u266a And be successful \u266a &#8211; Yeah, I think so. &#8211; Is he singing? &#8211; And who does Tomey think he is anyway? What he needs is-is to<br \/>\ncheck himself, right? \u266a I can make spuds \u266a \u266a I can \u266a \u266a Make new spud \u266a &#8211; That&#8217;s bars.<br \/>\n&#8211; Mm-hmm. \u266a Part of your \u266a \u266a Spud \u266a &#8211; Hmm. &#8211; Rhymed spud with spud. That&#8217;s the Kanye approach. He&#8217;s gonna be huge. &#8211; Wow. I don&#8217;t know how to feel about this. (Tater gasping) &#8211; Are we done filming the commercial? &#8211; Hey, what do- &#8211; Couldn&#8217;t direct cable. It&#8217;s like a direct cable joke. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; What are you doing here? &#8211; What are you talking about? &#8211; You&#8217;re the enemy! Get off! &#8211; I&#8217;m not doing anything. I&#8217;m not spying, or anything. &#8211; You quite literally<br \/>\nlook like you&#8217;re spying. &#8211; No, I&#8217;m not! I was just checking to<br \/>\nmake sure that you&#8217;re okay. &#8211; We&#8217;re filming a commercial. &#8211; I saw that. It sounds really, really bad. Like, what? Singing commercials is out, babe. Sorry, that was really harsh. &#8211; So hold on, hold on. Are we done here? &#8216;Cause I really have to go. &#8211; Yeah, I think we&#8217;re done. &#8211; We&#8217;re done? &#8211; I think once that everyone&#8217;s left, I&#8217;m officially in charge<br \/>\nof the restaurant, and I say you guys can<br \/>\ndo whatever you want. &#8211; Oh, we should go. &#8211; Take a couple spuds for the road. Just remember that it&#8217;s<br \/>\nall gonna come together. Thank you for your help today, by the way. You&#8217;re both a delight. &#8211; Thank you.<br \/>\n&#8211; Thank you. &#8211; Uh, could I have some more? I&#8217;m a little hungry.<br \/>\n&#8211; Hey, I just wanna say, it was really nice working with you. &#8211; It was great working with you, too. I loved our conversations. &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Both of you guys, if<br \/>\nyou ever need anything- &#8211; No. &#8211; And I&#8217;m not even talking acting. &#8211; I&#8217;m good.<br \/>\n&#8211; No, I&#8217;m good. &#8211; Like if you need<br \/>\nsomeone to help you move. &#8211; Thank you.<br \/>\n&#8211; I&#8217;ll just do it. &#8211; Anyways, are you okay? &#8211; Why do you keep asking me that? Why do you care if I&#8217;m okay? &#8211; I don&#8217;t care if you&#8217;re okay, I just wanted to know if you&#8217;re okay. Are you? &#8211; I&#8217;m-I&#8217;m better than okay. I&#8217;m pathetic. (soft music) &#8211; You&#8217;re pathetic? Who told you that? &#8211; Shh! I jumped in a pool. &#8211; Whoa. &#8211; I&#8217;ve been hanging out with actors. And I&#8217;m pathetic. &#8211; Okay, so you hit the high life. Good for you. That&#8217;s awesome. Honestly. You, like, kinda believe in yourself, and that&#8217;s, I don&#8217;t even<br \/>\nknow what that means. &#8211; Is that hat attached to your costume? &#8211; Yeah. They sewed it on. It took them hours. And this is sewed on too. &#8211; They made me pay for mine. &#8211; Are you serious? &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; That Jerry guy sucks. &#8211; He&#8217;s misunderstood. You have a hat. You have a scarf. It&#8217;s just- &#8211; I have gloves, too. &#8211; Oh, your costume&#8217;s so much cooler. &#8211; Thanks, but who cares? I just wanna make sure that you&#8217;re okay. &#8211; I&#8217;m fine. &#8211; Fine. Whatever. Why do I even bother asking? I don&#8217;t care about anyone anyways. I&#8217;ll make my parents happy, &#8216;cause I don&#8217;t care about anybody. &#8211; [Jerry] Where&#8217;s Tater? We gotta get back to work. &#8211; Get out! &#8211; Fine, I&#8217;ll go. Just tell me you&#8217;re okay. &#8211; I&#8217;m fine. &#8211; Fine! &#8211; My sign is soaking wet. What&#8217;s happening to me? I&#8217;m pathetic. \u266a The spud \u266a \u266a Spy \u266a \u266a Hi \u266a &#8211; [Jerry] Tater. Where the hell have you been? Come on, let&#8217;s go. &#8211; I&#8217;m nowhere. And I&#8217;m everywhere. &#8211; [Jerry] Oh, okay. &#8211; I have an idea for a potato. (exciting music) (bright upbeat music) &#8211; [Tater] The Spud Hut! &#8211; Attention! Customer on deck! &#8211; Ahoy!<br \/>\n&#8211; Ahoy! &#8211; Welcome to the Potato Palace! This is our poop deck! &#8211; You are in grave danger! &#8211; What? &#8211; You have to listen to me. There is a great evil about in this mall. My half brother, Elmer, who&#8217;s an elf, is rummaging about! Whatever you do, if he enters your store, do not give him a potato. If you give him a potato, he will turn into something you&#8217;ve never seen before! Best be careful. Santa doesn&#8217;t know he&#8217;s here. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; This is the time of year that elves are getting up to mischief! &#8211; All right. &#8211; And that&#8217;s what he&#8217;s doing. He&#8217;s a rat bastard. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; Thank you.<br \/>\n&#8211; Thank you so much. &#8211; Tell him to (beeping) off. &#8211; Oh.<br \/>\n&#8211; Thanks. &#8211; Thank you.<br \/>\n&#8211; Thank you. &#8211; Are you gonna buy something? &#8211; No. &#8211; Then get off the ship.<br \/>\n&#8211; Please leave. &#8211; Thank you for the warning.<br \/>\n&#8211; Please leave. &#8211; Yes. &#8211; You just went overboard.<br \/>\n&#8211; Listen to my words. &#8211; I will. &#8211; Be careful, careful, careful! &#8211; Why is there smoke<br \/>\ncoming out of his body? &#8211; They really need to just<br \/>\nclose that adult daycare in the mall. &#8211; No, it&#8217;s insane. &#8211; He smelled like piss-piss. &#8211; Just double piss?<br \/>\n&#8211; Double piss. &#8211; I was thinking the same thing. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; [Tater] The Spud Hut! &#8211; Gosh, okay. These old folks are just stressing me out. Sorry, everyone, I do need<br \/>\na little hula hoop session. &#8211; Peter. The_<br \/>\n&#8211; Ooh! &#8211; The store&#8217;s open. &#8211; Frite! I need my room for the hula hoop! &#8211; Yeah, okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; This is important. I need my, my process has to be perfect. &#8211; Ahoy, you got it. &#8211; My process has to be perfect. My process has to be perfect. &#8211; [Frite] Okay. &#8211; It goes back a long way. It&#8217;s the one thing my dad left me before he departed. The state, he just, he found another wife, and I never saw him again. But he left me a hula hoop, and he said, &#8220;Peter, you&#8217;re<br \/>\ntoo angry all the time. Let loose with this bad boy.&#8221; And so I use it whenever I get angry. &#8211; Okay. How&#8217;s your day, Bob?<br \/>\n&#8211; It&#8217;s doing all right. &#8211; Okay, all right.<br \/>\n&#8211; Is the sign spinning more effective inside, or outside? &#8211; [Peter] Oh shit! &#8211; It&#8217;s more effective inside.<br \/>\n&#8211; Inside? &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Bob? &#8211; Inside. Yeah?<br \/>\n&#8211; Bob. My tie&#8217;s undone. &#8211; Oh! Sir! I must retie your ascot, sir! &#8211; Oh my god. &#8211; Hi. My name is Bob. I work here at Potato Palace, and not many people know this, but I am a potato. I&#8217;m a real potato, and<br \/>\nI became a real boy. My father-mother-captain,<br \/>\nthe owner of Potato Palace, he took me when I was<br \/>\njust a little potato, and turned me into this. My original name was Potatochio, but that was kinda hard for people to get, so we just went with Bob. Don&#8217;t mash me. (laughing) No really, don&#8217;t say that to me, &#8216;cause that&#8217;s racist. &#8211; Okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; Guys. &#8211; Under and then over. Under and then I tie, and then-<br \/>\n&#8211; Is that good? &#8211; I think- (gasps)<br \/>\n&#8211; Is it good? &#8211; Oh my goodness.<br \/>\n&#8211; Customers. &#8211; Sir, it is perfect. &#8211; Customers. &#8211; Ahoy! Customers on deck!<br \/>\n&#8211; Ahoy. &#8211; Welcome to the Potato Palace! This is our poop deck! &#8211; Welcome to the Potato Palace. We have a giant classic baked potato, a giant double baked potato, and not your grandmother&#8217;s<br \/>\nsweet baked potato. Giant. &#8211; Are you just- &#8211; Oh, me? I&#8217;m currently disguised as Kirito, from Sword Art Online, the<br \/>\nseason that didn&#8217;t suck. &#8211; Would you like a potato? We have many potatoes. They are much better than that Spud Hut down the way. &#8211; Yeah, way better, and way bigger.<br \/>\n&#8211; Way better. &#8211; Way better.<br \/>\n&#8211; Way bigger. &#8211; Way bigger.<br \/>\n&#8211; Way bigger. &#8211; Way better.<br \/>\n&#8211; Way bigger. &#8211; Way bigger.<br \/>\n&#8211; Way bigger. Way better.<br \/>\n&#8211; Way better. &#8211; Yes, I will be, (clears throat) I will be taking a potato, but I need to acclimate<br \/>\nto the space first. &#8211; Ahoy, new customer on deck! &#8211; Ahoy matey!<br \/>\n&#8211; Ahoy! &#8211; Welcome to the choppy<br \/>\nseas of Potato Palace! (bright upbeat music) &#8211; Please take in the poop deck. I can see that we have<br \/>\nanother potato lover here. &#8211; Oh my god, I&#8217;ve heard all<br \/>\nabout the Potato Palace! &#8211; [Bob] Uh-huh? &#8211; It&#8217;s all so cool! Look at how big your potatoes are! &#8211; We serve-<br \/>\n(chef speaking gibberish) Gigantic-<br \/>\n&#8211; What? &#8211; Yes. &#8211; I heard about it all<br \/>\nthe way from Chefland, I&#8217;m from Chefland. Hello, hello. I am Chef Cook. &#8211; Hi. Big hands.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh, thank you. It&#8217;s in the family. (call dialing) (cellphone vibrating) &#8211; Tatum. Where are you? &#8211; Sorry I&#8217;m late for my shift. &#8211; If you tell me your cat is sick again, that is not a good excuse. &#8211; Gus and I will be there shortly. &#8211; You should have already been here! Are you, are you at the Potato Palace? &#8211; Trust me. &#8211; Tater! I told you this was a bad idea! This is not how the Spud Hut operates! &#8211; At the Spud Hut, we don&#8217;t play dirty. We have an honor code. Always tell the truth,<br \/>\nalways do your best. Always wear a smile. &#8211; We&#8217;re unrecognizable. &#8211; Okay, well just try<br \/>\nto find something good, if you&#8217;re gonna find something. &#8211; Copy that. &#8211; And don&#8217;t get caught! &#8211; Mission accepted! &#8211; See, you&#8217;re saying that, but I have a feeling this<br \/>\nis not gonna go well. &#8211; Find me if I&#8217;m dead. &#8211; Dead? &#8211; Bye. (phone beeping) &#8211; Why would she? Shrimp and grits is good. Shrimp and grits is a really good spud. &#8211; [Chef Cook] Oh, I&#8217;d<br \/>\nlove a potato, please! &#8211; Would you like one of<br \/>\nour gigantic potatoes? &#8211; Of course! &#8211; Bob, Bob.<br \/>\n&#8211; Bob. &#8211; We need a second. Sir.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Sir, we need a second.<br \/>\n&#8211; We need a second, yeah. &#8211; Okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay, look. My informant told me that the Spud Hut is sending spies into our operation. &#8211; You&#8217;re still working<br \/>\nwith that informant? He&#8217;s running from the law, Peter. &#8211; Well you know, he has<br \/>\nsome good intel, okay? So I think this might be the guy. I mean, look at him. He&#8217;s got this crazy mustache. &#8211; He looks like a chef, but also- &#8211; And he goes- (speaking gibberish) I don&#8217;t think that&#8217;s a real accent. &#8211; True.<br \/>\n&#8211; You&#8217;re so right. &#8211; So be very careful with this man. &#8211; [Frite] Okay. &#8211; [Peter] I do not think<br \/>\nhe is who he says he is. &#8211; Okay, well as long as they<br \/>\norder a potato, it&#8217;s fine. &#8211; Sir! Sir, get away from that table. &#8211; Yes? What do, why? It&#8217;s just a table in the corner, and I need to go by! &#8211; This is, there&#8217;s proprietary things. They&#8217;re our proprietary things. &#8211; Okay, okay, okay!<br \/>\n&#8211; Over here. &#8211; Okay! &#8211; Don&#8217;t look at the menu when you order.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. I have a question for you. &#8211; Yeah? &#8211; How do you get the potatoes so big? &#8211; How do we get the potatoes so big? I will have to- &#8211; Can I open my eyes, please? &#8211; Sir, that&#8217;s proprietary information. We cannot divulge that to you. &#8211; Would you like to order a potato, what&#8217;s your name? &#8211; I&#8217;m Chef Cook. &#8211; Chef Cook. &#8211; I would like to order, but I need to know how you<br \/>\nget the potatoes so big. &#8211; Sorry, your name is Chef Cook?<br \/>\n&#8211; Chef Cook? &#8211; Yes! &#8211; Hmm. &#8211; That&#8217;s my name. I need to know how you<br \/>\nget the potatoes so big. &#8211; I&#8217;m very familiar with<br \/>\nsubterfuge, and espionage. I&#8217;ve done a little bit of it in my day. I&#8217;ve trained with somebody<br \/>\nwho cooked for the seals. Seal team seven, specifically. And I don&#8217;t believe this man. I think he may be working for Spud Hut, and I want him out of my<br \/>\nstore as soon as possible. &#8211; I just want to know. I love the potatoes. &#8211; I wanna tell you so bad! I wanna tell you so bad! &#8211; Then tell me!<br \/>\n&#8211; Bob. &#8211; Then tell me!<br \/>\n&#8211; Bob! Bob, Bob, Bob!<br \/>\n&#8211; Then tell me! &#8211; I can&#8217;t, Chef! &#8211; Bob! Bob, Bob!<br \/>\n&#8211; No. &#8211; Stop! Attention! At ease. Look. &#8211; No, you don&#8217;t do that.<br \/>\n&#8211; Get your stuff together. You&#8217;re stressing me out. I gotta, (groans) I gotta hula hoop.<br \/>\n&#8211; I&#8217;m sorry, sir. &#8211; I gotta hula hoop. &#8211; I never mean to stress the captain. &#8211; I&#8217;m so sorry, I gotta hula hoop. &#8211; Bob, just take his order. (Peter moaning) &#8211; Can I interest you in one of our Not So Grandma&#8217;s potatoes? &#8211; Yes. I would love whatever potato<br \/>\nyou wanna put into me! &#8211; Perfect! &#8211; I&#8217;d love to know. These potatoes, are they regular? &#8211; Oh, they are thick and mighty. &#8211; I can tell. Look at these! But, they come from the ground? &#8211; Yes, most potatoes-<br \/>\n&#8211; Yes, of course they come from the ground.<br \/>\n&#8211; Come from the ground. &#8211; The ground. All of our potatoes come from the ground. &#8211; They come from a ground.<br \/>\n&#8211; No. &#8211; But we&#8217;re not gonna<br \/>\ndivulge what kind of ground they come from. &#8211; No one here is a potato. &#8211; Nobody here is a potato? &#8211; No one here is a potato.<br \/>\n&#8211; No one here is a potato. &#8211; I&#8217;m not a potato! &#8211; I would never be one.<br \/>\n&#8211; You the potato? &#8211; Why would you say that?<br \/>\n&#8211; Chef Cook, 5.95. &#8211; 5.95? &#8211; We take payment in cash, as well as in Potato Wallet. &#8211; I don&#8217;t have money. &#8211; You have Venmo? &#8211; Eh, no. The ketchup. &#8211; Ketchup?<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; Ketchup?<br \/>\n&#8211; I have ketchup. &#8211; You have ketchup for money? &#8211; For the money, I have the CashApp. (Bob laughs)<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh, CashApp. (Bob laughing) &#8211; Oh no, he&#8217;s sick.<br \/>\n&#8211; So. &#8211; We have to just, he has to pay, and then he has to go. &#8211; Yeah, I agree.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; I agree. &#8211; But before I do, I want to know how you get the potatoes so big. &#8211; How we get the potatoes- &#8211; Potatoes so big.<br \/>\n&#8211; So big? &#8211; How&#8217;d they get so big? &#8211; So big.<br \/>\n&#8211; So big. &#8211; So big. &#8211; How do you get the potato- &#8211; Why do you-<br \/>\n&#8211; So big? &#8211; Mr. Chef Cook, why do<br \/>\nyou need to know that? &#8211; Yeah, why do you care? &#8211; I have the love for the potatoes. &#8211; I do not believe you, sir. &#8211; I have the passion for the potatoes. &#8211; Look, &#8216;cause I know that this mustache- &#8211; No!<br \/>\n&#8211; Is fake! &#8211; No!<br \/>\n(Chef Cook screaming) No, it&#8217;s not! Peter, it&#8217;s not fake!<br \/>\n(Chef Cook screaming) Peter, it&#8217;s not fake! It&#8217;s totally real! &#8211; Okay, it might not be<br \/>\na fake mustache, but- &#8211; Sorry, he-<br \/>\n&#8211; This man is fake. &#8211; I mean, you would take my mustache, and you pull it off of my place! This place is, that is mine! &#8211; That&#8217;s literally his spatula. He walked in with it. &#8211; Well we&#8217;re taking it! &#8211; Check the security camera. &#8211; I don&#8217;t check, this is a microphone! &#8211; No! &#8211; This is a microphone. He&#8217;s been spying on us.<br \/>\n&#8211; His hand. &#8211; I know this is a microphone.<br \/>\n&#8211; His hand. &#8211; It&#8217;s not a real spatula-<br \/>\n&#8211; His hand, his hand. &#8211; You need to leave.<br \/>\n&#8211; Wait! &#8211; His hand!<br \/>\n&#8211; You need to leave! &#8211; His hand!<br \/>\n&#8211; You need to leave! &#8211; All right, okay, okay! &#8211; You need to leave! &#8211; Potato! &#8211; You need to-<br \/>\n&#8211; Potato! &#8211; No! &#8211; Potato!<br \/>\n&#8211; Bye! &#8211; Thanks for coming to Potato Palace! &#8211; At ease. That&#8217;s good work. &#8211; That was-<br \/>\n(Peter sighs) A rough day at seas. &#8211; It&#8217;s just, I guess it&#8217;s disappointing that, um, that Jerry<br \/>\njust doesn&#8217;t trust me, because I feel like I, I feel like, (sighs) I don&#8217;t know, I just, these disguises are so good. Maybe I&#8217;m meant for,<br \/>\nlike, undercover work, and not food processing. Service? Food service. &#8211; They wanna spy? Two can play at that game. &#8211; Yeah. What do you mean? &#8211; Watch this while I&#8217;m gone. &#8211; Who are you sending? &#8211; Myself. The only person I trust. &#8211; No, Peter. (upbeat beachy music) (magic shimmering) (Elmer chuckles) &#8211; Hi there, sir. Can I offer you a potato? &#8211; Yes, I would love a potato! &#8211; Oh! &#8211; I would love nothing more than a potato! &#8211; Wait a minute.<br \/>\n&#8211; You&#8217;re the elf brother, but your ears are &#8230; &#8211; Oh, shit. &#8211; Yeah, we heard about you. &#8211; Did my brother come by? He is an absolute rat bastard. I would not listen to anything he says! &#8211; Okay, that&#8217;s what he said about you. &#8211; Honestly, though, it&#8217;s very convincing. &#8211; Would you like a<br \/>\npotato at Potato Palace? &#8211; I would love nothing more than a potato! &#8211; Let me get you one. &#8211; [Elmer] Thank you, kind sir! &#8211; When I hand this to you,<br \/>\nyou&#8217;re not gonna do evil magic? &#8211; Oh, absolutely not! &#8211; Would you swear on the Bible? &#8211; God, this place is so weird. &#8211; Yes. &#8211; Bob, don&#8217;t ask customers<br \/>\nto swear on Bibles. &#8211; No? &#8211; I would swear on the King James Bible. &#8211; Good enough for me.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh, whoa. (Elmer laughs) All right, it&#8217;s 5.95. (Elmer laughing maniacally) &#8211; [Bob] Oh no! &#8211; I&#8217;m gonna pirate music now! &#8211; What?<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh, sick! &#8211; Oh, it&#8217;s 100% clear to me that they&#8217;re genetically<br \/>\nmodifying those potatoes. That looks like it&#8217;s big enough to be, well, a small dog in a lady&#8217;s purse. You don&#8217;t need that. Life is about variety. I wanna eat 10 potatoes. I wanna eat popcorn shrimp, because it&#8217;s like having 100 lives. And if that doesn&#8217;t<br \/>\nmake you feel powerful, I don&#8217;t know what will. &#8211; Get out! Get out! Get out! It&#8217;s 5.95. Would you like a combo? &#8211; [Elmer] (beeping) you! &#8211; Whoa! That elf just (beeping) swore at us. (beachy upbeat music) Bob. &#8211; Yeah? &#8211; Do you have a Bible in here? &#8211; Yeah, I do. I always keep a Bible in here. &#8211; In your fanny pack?<br \/>\n&#8211; Mm-hmm. It&#8217;s a miniature sized one. (Tater coughing) You hear that? &#8211; Yeah, I heard that. &#8211; I&#8217;m gonna check if it&#8217;s alive. (mini Bible thuds)<br \/>\n&#8211; Don&#8217;t. &#8211; [Tater] Ow! &#8211; Just leave it, okay? &#8211; Let&#8217;s do it.<br \/>\n&#8211; Shh! Augustus, shut up!<br \/>\n&#8211; Shut up. &#8211; I think you need to deal with this. &#8211; Yeah. Bob, can you go out back and take a cigarette break? &#8211; Yeah. Oh my god, I would love to. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; Oh, did you not know? Should I not talk about how much I smoke? &#8211; No.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh. &#8211; Not at Potato Palace.<br \/>\n&#8211; Sorry. &#8211; I won&#8217;t tell Peter. &#8211; Exit&#8217;s this way. &#8211; Yeah, you smoke a lot. It&#8217;s kind of intense. &#8211; I&#8217;m a potato. (Frite sighs) &#8211; Can I talk to Tater alone? Yeah, I see you. &#8211; Why, this isn&#8217;t the loo &#8211; You can go. &#8211; I&#8217;m going to go find the shitter. &#8211; Bye, Augustus.<br \/>\n&#8211; Here I go! &#8211; See you later, Augustus. &#8211; Ah! Who is, oh, I&#8217;ll find him for you. Dodged! Fool. Smoke bomb. (makes whoosh sound) Shadow Clone Jutsu! &#8211; Sometimes, I hate this place. Hey Tater, can I talk to you? &#8211; I don&#8217;t know who Tater- &#8211; Tater.<br \/>\n&#8211; Is! &#8211; Cut the shit. &#8211; I&#8217;m looking for the loo as well! &#8211; It&#8217;s you, but with a British accent. &#8211; How&#8217;d you know it was me? &#8211; I just knew. I know your scent. I knew that was Tater<br \/>\nunderneath that potato, and underneath that zip-up. I was like, that&#8217;s totally Tater. So. It was pretty obvious to me. Like, maybe it&#8217;s just &#8216;cause like, I knew, like here. But yeah. &#8211; This restaurant&#8217;s the<br \/>\ncoolest thing I&#8217;ve ever seen. &#8211; I know. It is pretty cool. It&#8217;s a ship. I mean, it&#8217;s actually pretty awesome. Sometimes I don&#8217;t wanna work here, but then other times I&#8217;m like, I literally work on a<br \/>\nyacht, but not a yacht. &#8211; Look at all these pillows. &#8211; Yeah. We&#8217;ve got a lot of money. &#8211; How did you guys get all this money? &#8211; Do you really wanna know? &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Okay. My parents. I&#8217;m, like, really, really rich. It sucks. &#8211; It sucks? &#8211; Yeah. So, my parents are fine people, we don&#8217;t really talk anymore, but essentially, they<br \/>\nbetrothed me to Peter Parker, and they wanted me to<br \/>\nown this huge company called Potato Palace, and I<br \/>\ndidn&#8217;t wanna do that at all. I really just wanted to be a sign spinner, so I said no to that, and they completely cut me off, so now, in spite of them, I&#8217;m a sign spinner for Peter Parker, and we&#8217;re not married. But he is still my boss. So, yeah. Joke&#8217;s on them. Screw them. &#8211; I&#8217;m gonna say something weird right now. &#8211; What? &#8211; Have you ever heard Ed<br \/>\nSheeran&#8217;s &#8220;The Shape of You&#8221;? &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; &#8220;I&#8217;m in love with the shape of you. You push and pull like a magnitude. When a heart I&#8217;m feeling too. I&#8217;m in love with the shape of you.&#8221; I feel like maybe I<br \/>\nhave a crush on someone, and I&#8217;m already kind of<br \/>\nnaturally a little quirky, but when I have feelings for somebody, I feel like I&#8217;m a little<br \/>\nweirder, which is not good. I don&#8217;t know why those<br \/>\nlyrics just came to my mind. &#8211; Whoa, that&#8217;s crazy that<br \/>\nyou just said that right now. &#8211; Why? &#8211; Because I was literally<br \/>\nlistening to Ed Sheeran. The song where the woman loses her legs? She&#8217;s, like, old. And he&#8217;s like, &#8220;When your legs don&#8217;t work like they used to.&#8221; It&#8217;s so weird. I&#8217;ve been listening to<br \/>\nall these love songs, and. How are you after your breakup, I guess? &#8211; It&#8217;s crazy. Every time I hang out with<br \/>\nyou, you ask me how am I. I&#8217;ve never really thought about it. &#8211; No one&#8217;s asked you how you are? &#8211; Never. Never. I&#8217;m fine. I hated this guy, anyway. It was kind of more of<br \/>\njust a situationship. &#8211; Oh yeah, the eggplant guy? &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; God, he&#8217;s such a (beeping) boy. &#8211; I don&#8217;t know why I<br \/>\nkeep dating in the mall. It&#8217;s so complicated. Like, I just wanna like- &#8211; Well, there&#8217;s nothing super wrong dating in the mall. &#8211; No, everyone in the mall is, like, in a (censored) up costume. No one really talks about why this mall has such big themes. Like every restaurant<br \/>\nhas such a big theme. Like, you guys really<br \/>\ndidn&#8217;t have to go all out in the yacht, like what&#8217;s the poop deck? &#8211; It&#8217;s French for the front of the deck. &#8211; Whoa. &#8211; It&#8217;s poupe deck. &#8211; You really are rich. &#8211; I know, I&#8217;m really rich. I grew up on champagne and<br \/>\nchocolate covered strawberries. But, like I hate it. &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; I don&#8217;t want it. I don&#8217;t want to be rich. I just wanna be normal. I don&#8217;t know. Maybe I went too far, like I started telling her about my life and my family, which<br \/>\nis like a total secret. And maybe I revealed too much. Anyways, I don&#8217;t know. It&#8217;s crazy, it&#8217;s crazy. It doesn&#8217;t matter. She listens to Ed Sheeran, too. Who does that? Who else listens to Ed Sheeran? I just find that so rare. You know? I can tell that you&#8217;re hurting. &#8211; We&#8217;re going too fast. &#8211; I&#8217;m not going anywhere. &#8211; We&#8217;re not even supposed<br \/>\nto be talking right now. &#8211; You came and spied on me. &#8211; &#8216;Cause you spied on me first! &#8211; Because I had to! You guys were being crazy! &#8211; You guys are crazy too! Your potatoes are huge! &#8211; I know, they&#8217;re huge, because- &#8211; This is a normal size of a potato. &#8211; I know. (pulse thumping)<br \/>\n(bright magical music) &#8211; Whoa. Did you feel that spark? &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; That was crazy. No dude, that was crazy. &#8211; See? &#8211; Quick! &#8211; What? &#8211; Our coworkers! &#8211; Oh, shoot. &#8211; Dude, gonna be honest,<br \/>\nI respect the spy thing. &#8211; Yeah, thank you very much. I, um, appreciate you not<br \/>\nblowing my cover earlier. (Augustus chuckles) I&#8217;m sorry, um. Yuki. Um. &#8211; Yes. This is my boss Peter<br \/>\nParker&#8217;s wife Miss Yuki. &#8211; Wife? &#8211; Yeah, wife. Wifu? Wife- &#8211; Oh, thank god. &#8211; I think he means you-wife. I don&#8217;t know what it means. &#8211; Oh thank god. No, I just mean, um. Yuki, you&#8217;re doing well. You&#8217;re looking great. I&#8217;m very normal. &#8211; Oh, you and Yuki have history? &#8211; Yeah, well, you can say that. But thankfully, time is cyclical, and perhaps, sometimes<br \/>\nhistory becomes the future. God, running into your<br \/>\nex is awkward enough. Disguise or not, I knew<br \/>\nshe could feel my aura. Doesn&#8217;t look like she&#8217;s<br \/>\nbeing washed right. Gotta use Woolite! &#8211; It was kinda strange. I didn&#8217;t know that him and Captain had, like, a weird threesome,<br \/>\nor triangle relationship with Miss Yuki, but honestly, I&#8217;m into it. I think love is love, and you can love whatever you want, or whomever you want. Or whatever vegetable you want. That&#8217;s what I believe. &#8211; Yes, Yuki and I used to be an item, but no longer. And it&#8217;s fine, I can&#8217;t control someone, let alone whether they&#8217;re<br \/>\na pillow or a person. I would never use my<br \/>\nhands to move them about. Yuki, I just want you to be happy, even if it&#8217;s here, even if it&#8217;s here at the Potato- (retches) (Augustus groaning) &#8211; I wanna thank you for opening up to me. &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; That took a lot to reveal a secret. &#8211; No worries. &#8211; They cannot know we&#8217;re talking. &#8211; I don&#8217;t fricking care. I don&#8217;t even care! &#8211; If Jerry finds out I&#8217;m<br \/>\nfriends with you, my, it&#8217;s over for me! &#8211; Tater, why? Do you live in fear at Spud Hut? &#8211; Ow. Ugh, classic me. Liking something &#8216;cause I can&#8217;t have it. That&#8217;s the human condition, right? Is this going all the time, this mic? (bright beachy music) &#8211; Can I reveal a secret to you? &#8211; About potato size? Yes, actually. (Bob sighs) &#8211; No one at Potato Palace<br \/>\nreally respects me. &#8211; Oh, what? &#8211; I have so many good ideas, and no one listens to me at all. Like, look at this one right here. Okay, Potato Wallet. It&#8217;s so useful, and it&#8217;s also food, and it&#8217;s also where you put your money that you pay for the food. Right?<br \/>\n&#8211; I love that. &#8211; It makes sense. &#8211; Because you use the money<br \/>\nto pay for the potato, and then you put the potato in the wallet, and it becomes a potato Potato Wallet. &#8211; Exactly, and no one&#8217;s gonna steal a half-baked potato wallet. &#8211; That&#8217;s recidivism. You basically make what you put in. &#8211; Mm-hmm. &#8211; Baby, that&#8217;s an economy. I don&#8217;t get why people are<br \/>\nhaving an issue with that. &#8211; Thank you for seeing<br \/>\nhow poignant my conversion of capitalism and communism together in one potato could be. &#8211; Hey man. Government, it&#8217;s not my thing. Me, I live outside the law. So why don&#8217;t you just<br \/>\ndo what you&#8217;re gonna do, and let&#8217;s all enjoy delicious food. &#8211; I love that you always<br \/>\nhave snacks with you. &#8211; Do you wanna have snacks with me too? &#8211; Yeah, can you put<br \/>\nthem in my potato shoes that also double as tiny little bowls? &#8211; Oh, I love that! &#8211; Right? Isn&#8217;t that such a great idea? Imagine, you&#8217;re a child,<br \/>\ntwo to four in age. You have no shoes, but you have potato. Now you have shoes. &#8211; Yeah! Or imagine you&#8217;re a 28-year-old man. You once again wake up in your own bed, naked, uncertain of<br \/>\nwhat time or day it is, you get up, and you&#8217;re<br \/>\nalready stepping on food on the ground, why not make it on purpose? &#8211; Wow. Dude, Augustus was, like, really cool when he was listening<br \/>\nto me and my inventions. I showed him my potato moccasins, and he honestly thought that<br \/>\nthey would be a great idea. &#8211; (sighs) When it comes to Bob, war has always divided the great thinkers of our generations. He may be an inventor, as I am, so he has my respect, but I can&#8217;t let that get in the way of what<br \/>\nis essentially a battle. &#8211; (sighs) You&#8217;re really complicated. &#8211; So are you. &#8211; Really? &#8211; I&#8217;ve never met a rich person before. &#8211; Yeah. We&#8217;re pretty wild. But we&#8217;re also really soft inside. Whatever. And no one to really talk to, &#8216;cause my parents completely disowned me, &#8216;cause I don&#8217;t want to be rich. &#8211; You don&#8217;t wanna be rich? That&#8217;s so bad, whoa. &#8211; Uh, yeah. Don&#8217;t even touch that. You don&#8217;t wanna put your hands in that. &#8211; [Tater] What&#8217;s this bucket? &#8211; It&#8217;s, don&#8217;t touch it! It&#8217;s old sand. &#8211; It&#8217;s old sand? &#8211; Yeah. It&#8217;s kinda how we get our potatoes so big. Whatever, don&#8217;t even worry about it. I shouldn&#8217;t even be telling you that. This is crazy. You do something to me! (Frite laughing) You do something to me, it&#8217;s crazy! (Tater laughing) You&#8217;re, like, in my head! &#8211; Just laugh! &#8211; You&#8217;re in my head! &#8211; Doesn&#8217;t it feel good to laugh? &#8211; It does, actually.<br \/>\n(Tater laughing) &#8211; I&#8217;m like, do I only<br \/>\nhave a crush on Frite because, like, she&#8217;s on enemy grounds? She&#8217;s the enemy, you know what I mean? Like, do I just like it &#8216;cause it&#8217;s wrong? Like Jerry would freak out. &#8211; Can I share one more thing I&#8217;ve never shared with anyone? &#8211; Sure. &#8211; I&#8217;m a potato boy. &#8211; What&#8217;s that? &#8211; I&#8217;m a potato boy. My real name is Potatocchio. I go by Bob. &#8211; What does that mean, so I understand the individual words, but never in that order before. What does potato boy mean? &#8211; I was born a potato. Then, I remember my first memory. My father holding me close. And then my second memory. I work at Potato Palace. &#8211; Oh, so you were born<br \/>\ninto a life of labor? &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Well, I guess we all were, just with more steps. Hey man, I don&#8217;t judge you. You&#8217;re a potato. On the inside, you got starch, on the outside, you got skin. Me, personally, I got skin and doctors say I&#8217;m mostly starch. (Bob laughs) &#8211; On the outside, I&#8217;m<br \/>\nalso covered in eyes. Look. &#8211; I got two. Oh, dead ass. That&#8217;s actually pretty cool. &#8211; Yeah, what&#8217;s really cool<br \/>\nis &#8216;cause I&#8217;m a potato, if you take one of those off<br \/>\nand put it in the ground, you&#8217;ll grow another me. &#8211; Mm. I don&#8217;t think I&#8217;ll do that. &#8211; Jerry&#8217;s broke. &#8211; I know. &#8211; How did you know? &#8211; Because your potatoes suck ass. &#8211; Don&#8217;t say that! &#8211; But it&#8217;s true. (cellphone vibrating)<br \/>\nThey&#8217;re tiny! &#8211; Oh shit. &#8211; What? &#8211; Speak of the devil! I have to pick this up, but it was really good to laugh. &#8211; It was really good to laugh. &#8211; Oh. &#8211; Sorry. I have really strong<br \/>\nhands from sign spinning. &#8211; Just be as quiet as you can. &#8211; Okay, I&#8217;ll be as quiet as I can. I&#8217;m trying to be just quiet. Literally be quiet. Not talking. &#8211; Hello? &#8211; Tater! We are opening in two minutes! Where are you? &#8211; I&#8217;ll be there in a second! &#8211; Well, did you find anything good? &#8211; Yes, I think. &#8211; You think? Okay, well just, you know what? I&#8217;m coming to get you. I&#8217;m coming to get you.<br \/>\n&#8211; Don&#8217;t! &#8211; I&#8217;m coming to get you!<br \/>\n&#8211; Don&#8217;t! &#8211; Yeah. (Tater groans) &#8211; Bitch! &#8211; Yeah, bitch! &#8211; Bitch!<br \/>\n&#8211; Bitch! &#8211; Bitch. &#8211; Tater, I don&#8217;t know. She&#8217;s a sign spinner, obviously, and she just seemed kind of hurt. I don&#8217;t know. She also, like, I feel like I could<br \/>\ntrust her a little bit, which is crazy, &#8216;cause<br \/>\nI don&#8217;t trust anyone, like, I don&#8217;t. But, I have this, I guess it&#8217;s not really magic, but it&#8217;s like a skill set that I have. I can tell when people are good, or bad, and I could tell right<br \/>\naway that she was good. &#8211; So what&#8217;s the deal with,<br \/>\nlike, your boss is your dad? That&#8217;s gotta suck. &#8211; He&#8217;s my dad and also my mom. &#8211; All right. &#8211; It&#8217;s kind of difficult to describe, but- &#8211; Well, there&#8217;s no wrong<br \/>\nway to make a family. That&#8217;s what I always say. &#8211; I think he came on a potato and then put me in a bucket of sand. &#8211; (sighs) I feel like I&#8217;ve done that, and I don&#8217;t have any potato sons. That can&#8217;t be right. &#8211; This is butter. &#8211; Okay, I keep wondering what that is. &#8211; Yeah, it&#8217;s a big slab of butter. And these are chives. &#8211; You&#8217;re so lucky. I know you can&#8217;t-<br \/>\n(Jerry gasping) &#8211; Get out of here! (Jerry gasps) &#8211; It&#8217;s not what you think!<br \/>\n&#8211; Get out! &#8211; What the hell? &#8211; [Jerry] You too, Augustus! &#8211; Oh yeah! &#8211; God, I hate older men! They suck! &#8211; Sorry, duty calls. He&#8217;s not my dad, but. You&#8217;d give this to me? &#8211; [Bob] I would. Bye, Augustus. &#8211; Bye, Bob. &#8211; Don&#8217;t tell anyone I&#8217;m a potato. &#8211; I&#8217;ll always love you. Goodbye, Yuki. I just want you to be happy. &#8211; It was really cool<br \/>\nmeeting Augustus today. Like, that dude is a complete blast. I don&#8217;t know why everyone says<br \/>\nhe smells like half and half. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; I thought I told you both not to go and sneak into the Potato Palace! &#8211; Oh no, Jerry, you have<br \/>\nno idea what we found out. &#8211; What?<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Let&#8217;s make sure the area&#8217;s safe. Okay, good. &#8211; It&#8217;s worse than you could ever expect. That body pillow he&#8217;s<br \/>\ngot there is my ex, Yuki. He&#8217;s keeping her in terrible conditions. &#8211; Oh! &#8211; He&#8217;s not using the cold wash at all, nor is he using soft<br \/>\ndetergent, like Woolite. It&#8217;s clear that he&#8217;s used Tide. You can&#8217;t do that. It&#8217;s two-way tricot! &#8211; It&#8217;s crazy what having<br \/>\na crush will make you do. What? &#8211; You have a- &#8211; I think they&#8217;re genetically<br \/>\nmodifying the potatoes! &#8211; Oh yeah, that too. Yeah. So pretty much-<br \/>\n&#8211; What? How? &#8211; Well they&#8217;re the size of a small dog. We think they&#8217;ve been<br \/>\nspliced or something. I don&#8217;t know. I wasn&#8217;t paying attention. &#8211; So, Frite was explaining it, and I think what it is, it&#8217;s a sand, it&#8217;s a sand that they&#8217;re<br \/>\nadding to the potatoes to make them bigger, &#8216;cause the potatoes are, like, three sizes our potatoes. And I think the sand is from a TV show. And it&#8217;s making the<br \/>\npotatoes, I don&#8217;t know. I don&#8217;t know this stuff. AI does everything now. &#8211; That&#8217;s against Potato State Fair rules. &#8211; State fair rules, I was gonna say. &#8211; And they&#8217;re, what was that whole thing about the sand? &#8211; I thought it was a metaphor for, like, time.<br \/>\n(sign clattering) &#8211; Oh. Oh, uh, excuse me. Excuse me? Excuse me? We- &#8211; We&#8217;ve never had a janitor. I always clean.<br \/>\n&#8211; No, yeah. &#8211; And your collar&#8217;s kind of off. &#8211; That&#8217;s right.<br \/>\n(all gasp) it&#8217;s me, Peter Parker,<br \/>\nof the Potato Palace. &#8211; Oh! &#8211; I&#8217;ve infiltrated your organization. &#8211; Oh my god. Oh my god! That is highly illegal! &#8211; I don&#8217;t care. &#8211; Well, it&#8217;s me! &#8211; We all knew it was you. &#8211; They knew it was you. You look like 8 Mile with liver spots. &#8211; That&#8217;s a good movie. What are you doing here? &#8211; Yeah! &#8211; Yeah, Peter Parker! This was already my job and now it&#8217;s personal now, on account of Yuki. &#8211; Yuki&#8217;s in much more capable hands now. &#8211; Yeah right. &#8211; I want you to back off. She&#8217;s mine. &#8211; If you take care of her like you take care of yourself, she&#8217;s in trouble. What are you, early 20s? You look like you eat cigarettes. &#8211; He&#8217;s probably not interested in her, on account of him being gay. &#8211; Nice. No wrong way to love. &#8211; We heard you were genetically modifying your potatoes with sand! &#8211; Yeah! We know you use ChatGPT! &#8211; Yeah, it&#8217;s the sand<br \/>\nfrom the Shyamalan movie, the sand that makes you old. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; And that&#8217;s why you look bad. &#8211; Now I&#8217;ve heard a lot<br \/>\nof outrageous rumors about us growing potatoes in sand, and I think that is a<br \/>\ncomplete fabrication. We would never grow potatoes in sand, and I would like if<br \/>\npeople would stop asking about the sand that we keep in our store. We&#8217;re not growing potatoes in it, and you should stop asking about it. How about that? How about that? I know you&#8217;re all stupid, but this is really, you&#8217;re<br \/>\noutdoing yourselves. Sand? Sand for potatoes? This is why you&#8217;re losing. You have no idea what<br \/>\nmaking a good potato is. This is why Potato Palace<br \/>\nwill always be on top. I&#8217;m sick of this. &#8211; Funny, &#8216;cause you look<br \/>\nlike a bottom to me. &#8211; Sick. &#8211; Nice, dude. You got jacked, bitch. &#8211; Gay! &#8211; What are you even doing here? &#8211; Well, I was doing some recon, seeing if I had competition<br \/>\nat the state fair, but it&#8217;s clear I have<br \/>\nnothing to worry about. Also you have a booger in your nose. &#8211; Oh. Is it a cute booger? &#8211; Yeah, oh, I&#8217;m gay, but you have a booger in your nose, so. &#8211; Tatum, do I have a booger- &#8211; Happy? &#8211; Don&#8217;t focus on that- &#8211; You don&#8217;t scare me.<br \/>\n&#8211; Focus on the booger! Focus on the booger! &#8211; I know Krav Maga.<br \/>\n&#8211; I can&#8217;t- &#8211; I can rip your balls off. &#8211; What if I told you I don&#8217;t have balls. &#8211; I don&#8217;t believe you. &#8211; That makes two of you. That makes two of you. Nice, got him. Fucking got jacked, dude. &#8211; I&#8217;m pathetic! There&#8217;s nothing you could do to me. &#8211; Look, your emotions do not affect me. I look at things rationally<br \/>\nand logically, okay? You&#8217;re a loser. &#8211; Hey! She&#8217;s not a loser. She&#8217;s pathetic. &#8211; And you&#8217;re a loser for hiring whatever this is. &#8211; Hey!<br \/>\n&#8211; Hey! &#8211; I&#8217;m not a loser!<br \/>\n&#8211; I&#8217;m a loser! &#8211; And you? You shoulda treated Yuki better. &#8211; That&#8217;s enough, okay? We&#8217;re not putting up<br \/>\nwith your shit anymore! This is war! (dramatic music) This is famine? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Potato famine coming your<br \/>\nway really quick, buddy. &#8211; And this is pestilence,<br \/>\n&#8216;cause we&#8217;re gonna swarm you with potatoes. &#8211; Oh yeah. &#8211; And it&#8217;s gonna be<br \/>\ndark like a nightshade. &#8211; Well if it&#8217;s war you want, it&#8217;s war you&#8217;ll get. (dramatic music) You won&#8217;t even see it coming. &#8211; Consider us freaking Space Force. &#8211; Literally. We make real potatoes.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; You have computers make your potatoes. &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Sand, and computers, and dust. And you&#8217;re gay. &#8211; Sand becomes silicone. &#8211; And maybe I am, too. &#8211; You should look-<br \/>\n(chomping at hand) You should look into medication. I&#8217;m gonna get outta here. This place still smells like hog water, and you still have a booger in your nose. &#8211; Is it still there? Is it really there? I can&#8217;t believe he would stoop so low, and spy on me. It&#8217;s not right, and he doesn&#8217;t know what&#8217;s coming to him. Jerry Spruce has some vengeance. (tense dramatic music) (bright upbeat music) What&#8217;s the deal with the sand? &#8211; I don&#8217;t know, I was focusing on Frite. Frite. &#8211; What?<br \/>\n&#8211; I don&#8217;t know. &#8211; Frite? The summon from all the<br \/>\nFinal Fantasy series? &#8211; No, the sand- &#8211; I can get it for you. &#8211; How does that work?<br \/>\n(Mikey panting) (air horn blows)<br \/>\n(all groaning) &#8211; Oh! Dude. You guys, it&#8217;s me,<br \/>\nMikey, from the Yam Yurt. &#8211; Oh, you probably don&#8217;t know it&#8217;s me. &#8211; Oh, shit! &#8211; It&#8217;s Tater.<br \/>\n&#8211; Tater! I didn&#8217;t recognize. Anyways, guys, I was doing some recon. I was following that gay milkman over at the Potato Palace. They&#8217;re genetically<br \/>\nmodifying their potatoes. They&#8217;re putting the sands of time in them. It&#8217;s the sand from the<br \/>\nbeach that makes you old, so they put in the potatoes to age them faster than most potatoes need to be aged! &#8211; Is that legit what was going on? That was a straight up guess.<br \/>\n&#8211; It&#8217;s going on. I saw it happening with my own eyes, and it was almost like, I was almost looking at<br \/>\nthe Arc of the Covenant. I almost felt like I was gonna melt. &#8211; Whoa. &#8211; That&#8217;s crazy. &#8211; I wish you would have. &#8211; That&#8217;s why, even though that guy from the Potato Palace, he&#8217;s 22, but he looks like he&#8217;s, like, a rough 38. &#8211; I literally said that- &#8211; Anyway, Mikey, get the (beeping) out. &#8211; What? &#8211; You helped us, okay? &#8211; After I just helped you? &#8211; Are you gonna be at<br \/>\nthe CRV meetup later? &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; All right. &#8211; I am.<br \/>\n&#8211; I&#8217;ll see you soon. &#8211; I&#8217;ll bring what&#8217;s<br \/>\nessentially my baby, my CRV. But also, I have a kid. &#8211; You said you didn&#8217;t.<br \/>\n&#8211; You said you didn&#8217;t. &#8211; I have a kid. &#8211; Are we talking, is<br \/>\nthis a bait and switch where it&#8217;s a baby goat? &#8211; No, it&#8217;s a full on kid. &#8211; What&#8217;s its name? &#8211; It? Don&#8217;t speak about my son. &#8211; Well, it hasn&#8217;t grown up<br \/>\nand told you its gender yet, so you can&#8217;t (beeping), we don&#8217;t know. &#8211; You&#8217;re so right. &#8211; Do you guys think<br \/>\npeople could be in love even though they&#8217;re on opposite sides? &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; [Augustus] In fact, it makes it hotter. &#8211; Anyways, I lied.<br \/>\n&#8211; What? &#8211; I don&#8217;t have a kid.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. (beeping) &#8211; I knew it! He did it again!<br \/>\n&#8211; Can you just, can you just leave?<br \/>\n&#8211; Get out! &#8211; All right, I&#8217;ll get out! (Mikey blows raspberry)<br \/>\n&#8211; No! &#8211; You seriously need to get a blood test! &#8211; Okay! Okay, this is good! We have a way to take down Potato Palace. I mean, they&#8217;re cheating. They&#8217;re gonna get disqualified, if we can just prove<br \/>\nthat they&#8217;re cheating. &#8211; That&#8217;s right. When someone breaks a rule in America, they&#8217;re immediately disqualified. &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; And that never changes. &#8211; Yes.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; We got this. &#8211; Competitions are fair. &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. (Jerry grunts) (Jerry grunts) (Augustus grunting) &#8211; Oh. &#8211; Put your noses in. &#8211; Put your-<br \/>\n&#8211; Whoa, we doing this? &#8211; Put your noses in. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; What is this? Tater? &#8211; I don&#8217;t know, I saw it in a thing. &#8211; Okay. (Tater exhales) &#8211; Let&#8217;s go. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; [Tater] The Spud Hut! (soft tense music) &#8211; Peter doesn&#8217;t know what&#8217;s gonna hit him. I&#8217;ve got the best idea<br \/>\nyet, sweet potatoes! We could have cinnamon,<br \/>\nsugar, or a creme brulee. &#8211; That actually smells bomb. I think we&#8217;re onto<br \/>\nsomething a little bit, but- &#8211; Just a little more sugar. &#8211; I&#8217;m always a fan of<br \/>\nmore sugar, but like- &#8211; Oh look, look, look, look! It&#8217;s bubbling up! &#8211; It doesn&#8217;t smell good, Jerry! &#8211; Come on, you&#8217;ve never had fine dining! &#8211; Listen. I&#8217;m all for gluttony, okay? And I&#8217;m all for experimenting with food, but you&#8217;re not doing it<br \/>\nfor the love of the game. You&#8217;re not doing it<br \/>\nbecause it&#8217;s delicious, you&#8217;re doing it with anger in your heart, and your food&#8217;s gonna taste that way. &#8211; But we gotta win! &#8211; I know. &#8211; We gotta win at all costs! &#8211; That&#8217;s why we kill him. Or something else, I don&#8217;t know, Plan B. &#8211; No killing. &#8211; Could you tell with the costume that I&#8217;m pulling my wedgie out? &#8211; Yeah, we can tell. Your arm is behind you, Tatum. &#8211; But the costume&#8217;s so big you can&#8217;t tell? &#8211; No, we can tell. There&#8217;s a movement.<br \/>\n&#8211; Can you tell? &#8211; There&#8217;s a digging movement- &#8211; Okay, it&#8217;s game time! It&#8217;s game time! &#8211; That&#8217;s right.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; What&#8217;s something we could give to them that isn&#8217;t violent-<br \/>\n&#8211; Crabs. &#8211; Like RIP Carmie, with the bullets. Something that&#8217;s a nuisance. &#8211; I can&#8217;t listen to you when<br \/>\nyou&#8217;re pulling out your wedgie. It&#8217;s rude. You need to go to the bathroom- &#8211; How can you tell I&#8217;m doing it? &#8211; Because your arm is completely<br \/>\nbehind you, and you&#8217;re- &#8211; You can&#8217;t tell! &#8211; I can tell, we can tell! Can you tell? &#8211; Yeah, do you need a hand? &#8211; We can tell. &#8211; No, I don&#8217;t want you to touch my ass! &#8211; I&#8217;m sorry for offering. &#8211; August, you (beeping)<br \/>\npsycho (beeping) path! &#8211; I, jeez Louise. You&#8217;re burning potatoes, you&#8217;re digging for gold in your ass crack. I say we flipping do this thing! (bright upbeat music) &#8211; [Tater] The Spud Hut! &#8211; We should just prank them. Like sneak in and do<br \/>\nsomething crazy to &#8216;em. &#8211; You were showing me pictures of all your weird (beeping) creatures that you like to collect. &#8211; Oh yes, I got lots of creatures. &#8211; What if we released some<br \/>\nof Augustus&#8217; creatures into their place? &#8211; What kind of creatures do you have? &#8211; I&#8217;ve just got a bunch of bugs, like an infestation situation. &#8211; Oh. &#8211; Bugs.<br \/>\n&#8211; Bugs could work. &#8211; I do have crickets. &#8211; Crickets will work. Crickets are good. That&#8217;s like a plague! &#8211; Oh yeah, &#8216;cause it&#8217;s not<br \/>\nlocust or cicada season. Crickets are close.<br \/>\n&#8211; Crickets are close. &#8211; They got those chirpy little legs. &#8211; Let&#8217;s go get these crickets. Come on! &#8211; Yeah, let&#8217;s go eat people. &#8211; Did you drive here? &#8211; Uh, yeah, in a sense. &#8211; What do you mean, innocence? &#8211; I have a bike.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh. Can I hop on the back, or no? &#8211; Yes. &#8211; Tatum, are you picking<br \/>\nyour wedgie again? &#8211; No, I&#8217;m locking up! I don&#8217;t know how to turn the lights off. It&#8217;s usually not my department. I just do the Facebook. (bright upbeat music) (rooster crowing) &#8211; Attention!<br \/>\n&#8211; Ahoy! &#8211; Customer on deck! Ahoy!<br \/>\n&#8211; Ahoy! &#8211; Sorry, I was walking by the restaurant, and I saw you from the window, and let me tell you, that&#8217;s a potato. &#8211; Me?<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; I know a potato when I see one, and that&#8217;s a potato! &#8211; What? &#8211; That&#8217;s a potato! &#8211; That&#8217;s so-<br \/>\n&#8211; Why would you say that? &#8211; There&#8217;s a potato in here! &#8211; Ma&#8217;am, that&#8217;s really rude. That&#8217;s not a potato, that&#8217;s Bob. He&#8217;s our line cook.<br \/>\n&#8211; This is Bob. &#8211; I&#8217;m Bob.<br \/>\n&#8211; You&#8217;re a real boy. &#8211; Are you gonna get a potato or not? &#8211; I don&#8217;t want a potato! I don&#8217;t like potatoes! &#8211; [Both] Then why are you in here? &#8211; &#8216;Cause that&#8217;s a potato,<br \/>\nand I don&#8217;t like a potato! Oh! &#8211; Ma&#8217;am, I will give you my watch if you just don&#8217;t tell<br \/>\nanyone what you saw today. &#8211; Stop. &#8211; It&#8217;s a perfect handmade watch. &#8211; No.<br \/>\n&#8211; Stop. &#8211; No! &#8211; You keep that nasty little watch- &#8211; No, your power- &#8211; On your wrist.<br \/>\n&#8211; Please. &#8211; I&#8217;ve got my $5-<br \/>\n&#8211; All right. &#8211; CVS wristwatch that is gorgeous and matches my eyes. &#8211; Ma&#8217;am, if you&#8217;re not gonna buy anything, I have to escort you out of the premises. This is a potato establishment. If you&#8217;re not here to buy potatoes or eat potatoes, you need to leave the establishment right now. &#8211; Well I am offended, and I will call whoever I need to call to make sure that this potato is<br \/>\ntaken back underground. &#8211; Ma&#8217;am, please leave. Please leave. &#8211; You&#8217;ll have to drag me out of here, &#8216;cause I&#8217;m not leaving &#8216;til<br \/>\nthis potato is tato&#8217;ed. &#8211; Bob, drag her. Bob?<br \/>\n&#8211; Uh. &#8211; Here, I-<br \/>\n&#8211; Drag her. &#8211; You&#8217;re having the potato<br \/>\ntake me out of here? &#8211; Ma&#8217;am, come with me! &#8211; No!<br \/>\n(Frite screams) Ow! &#8211; What is happening in this mall? &#8211; He&#8217;s a potato? See, I told you that boy&#8217;s a potato! I saw it. &#8211; I&#8217;ve taken care of the customer, sir! &#8211; Bob.<br \/>\n&#8211; At ease. &#8211; What&#8217;s all the potato talk? You don&#8217;t have to give up your watch that your grandfather got you. (Peter clears throat) All right, Peter. &#8211; Oh, new customer on deck! &#8211; Ahoy!<br \/>\n&#8211; Ahoy! &#8211; I&#8217;m not a customer.<br \/>\n&#8211; Welcome to Potato Palace! Huh? &#8211; I&#8217;m a health inspector. &#8211; Oh, he&#8217;s here to inspect the poop deck. Uh, the poupe deek.<br \/>\n&#8211; The poupe deck. &#8211; You should not have<br \/>\ncalled it the poupe deek. &#8211; I&#8217;ve, um, always wanted to cosplay, so this disguise was really fun for me. You mind if I look around, or? &#8211; Sure, what is your-<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah, of course. &#8211; Can I see your-<br \/>\n&#8211; What do we got? &#8211; Tartar sauce.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yup. &#8211; Credentials right here. &#8211; Everything&#8217;s all-<br \/>\n&#8211; Right over here. &#8211; Nice.<br \/>\n&#8211; Credentials. &#8211; I&#8217;m sorry, it just<br \/>\nsays, &#8220;Health inspector&#8221;? &#8211; Yup. Says what it is. Says what it is. (Jerry laughing maniacally) Right over here. What is this? &#8211; This is our tablet. This is how we charge people. &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; So I&#8217;ll tap it. &#8211; So who&#8217;s touching this? &#8211; Only Bob touches it. &#8211; Well, we do have them touch it when we ask them for a $10 tip. &#8211; And these are, holy shit. &#8211; These are huge.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh my god. (beeping) What the? That is, like, 10, 12 inches. Yeah, it&#8217;s a Viking ship. We modeled it after a Viking ship. &#8211; [Bob] That&#8217;s called the Vossa potato. &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. It&#8217;s a Vossa. It&#8217;s where, you know where they get buried and they go to Valhalla? &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; That&#8217;s the ship? &#8211; They get what? &#8211; If you&#8217;re truly a health inspector, then what is code 53B, uh, section 53? &#8211; You&#8217;re smart, sir.<br \/>\n&#8211; That is a great question. All meats must be kept at<br \/>\nleast two feet off the ground. &#8211; Did you see when Augustus and I took the crickets and shat<br \/>\nthem out of our mouths? (Tater laughs) Got &#8216;em! &#8211; Are you planning on serving these potatoes over here? &#8211; No. &#8211; That&#8217;s sand and you should<br \/>\nnot be looking at that sand. &#8211; Well why is it out? &#8211; Uh, don&#8217;t even worry about it. &#8211; Yeah, it&#8217;s, anyways. Don&#8217;t even worry about it. Hey, do you want a<br \/>\npotato, to try a potato? &#8211; [Bob] We&#8217;d love to give you a potato. &#8211; [Frite] We have a really good special. &#8211; [Peter] We&#8217;d give you a potato for free. &#8211; Oh. (cricket chirping)<br \/>\n(Frite gasps) Um. &#8211; Whoa, whoa!<br \/>\n&#8211; What is this? &#8211; You guys, that cricket-<br \/>\n&#8211; Insect on deck! &#8211; That is a health code-<br \/>\n&#8211; Crunch it up, sir! &#8211; Ew! &#8211; Eliminate it!<br \/>\n&#8211; Ew! &#8211; Back up! Kill the bug! Kill the bug!<br \/>\n&#8211; I think you got it, Bob. &#8211; What people won&#8217;t tell you is that a bunch of crickets<br \/>\nin an enclosed space smells absolutely terrible. And I think that&#8217;s just a testament to my ability to maintain stealth. &#8211; Once he&#8217;s activated, you can&#8217;t stop him. Oh. &#8211; [Frite] He also did Irish dancing. He did Riverdance for a long time. Ew!<br \/>\n&#8211; You guys. &#8211; Ew!<br \/>\n&#8211; This place if infested. (Frite screams) I&#8217;m gonna be honest.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh my god! &#8211; This place is a mess!<br \/>\n&#8211; This is disgusting! &#8211; No, this is all normal! (Frite screams) &#8211; You&#8217;ve not only failed<br \/>\nyour health inspection, you&#8217;ve failed this prank!<br \/>\n&#8211; You&#8217;ve been pranked! &#8211; You just lost the game, and you&#8217;re all gay crickets! &#8211; Yeah! Pranked now. Oh, nice costume. Hope there&#8217;s no crickets in there. Oh god, oh god! Run! Shadow Clone Jutsu! &#8211; Get out! &#8211; So the Spud Hut team, they came over to Potato Palace, and they, like, they totally threw a bunch<br \/>\nof crickets everywhere, and I think they think that&#8217;s funny, but it&#8217;s really (beeping) up, because if you think about it, like, I&#8217;m a potato, and<br \/>\nlocusts are close to crickets, and locusts eat the (beeping) out of us. It&#8217;s like really not cool. I guess they got us pretty good. (laughs) &#8211; I hate them. &#8211; I think I learned<br \/>\nthat I don&#8217;t like pranks when they&#8217;re played on me. Bob! Get my hula hoop. &#8211; Sir, yes, sir! Stress hula hoop! &#8211; This is disgusting. (crickets chirping) Okay, Peter, you have to tell me when you&#8217;re gonna hula hoop right next to my face. Peter. (Peter panting) &#8211; [Bob] It&#8217;s okay, sir. (Peter roaring) &#8211; I guess I&#8217;ll start<br \/>\ncleaning up the crickets. &#8211; I&#8217;m finished. &#8211; Ew! (bright upbeat music) &#8211; Yes!<br \/>\n&#8211; Yes! &#8211; That was sick!<br \/>\n&#8211; So much mischief! &#8211; I never felt so alive!<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah! &#8211; Yes, yeah! Feel it! You were awesome in there!<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah! &#8211; Oh yeah, you were like-<br \/>\n(Tater grunting) &#8211; The way they were jumping! They were like, mm! &#8211; That felt so good!<br \/>\n&#8211; Yes! &#8211; We released all those crickets, and they&#8217;re gonna look stupid! &#8211; They&#8217;re gonna look stupid! &#8211; We released their inhibitions, they&#8217;re gonna feel the rain<br \/>\nof crickets on their skin. &#8211; Honestly, I&#8217;ve never<br \/>\nfelt hotter in my life. &#8211; What if we, no.<br \/>\n&#8211; What? What if we all what? &#8211; What if we all kissed?<br \/>\n&#8211; Come on! &#8211; Kissed?<br \/>\n&#8211; Yes. &#8211; No, we&#8217;re not kissing.<br \/>\n&#8211; No, no. &#8211; That&#8217;s very much- &#8211; Okay, I was gonna not say it, and then you said it.<br \/>\n&#8211; Stop. &#8211; Well I didn&#8217;t, you suggested it, which I thought was weird. &#8211; Whoa!<br \/>\n&#8211; What? Oh my god. &#8211; [Augustus] I knew this would happen. &#8211; Holy! &#8211; Who left a potato out? &#8211; [Jerry] What the heck is this? &#8211; What a stupid ass prank! They think this is how they got us? &#8211; [Jerry] They just<br \/>\ndelivered a cardboard potato? &#8211; Hold on a second.<br \/>\n&#8211; What? You&#8217;re-<br \/>\n&#8211; Who&#8217;s who? &#8211; This one&#8217;s way bigger than you are. &#8211; [Augustus] Yeah, it&#8217;s<br \/>\nbigger than you, for sure. &#8211; [Tater] What a dumb ass (beeping) prank! They&#8217;re so stupid! &#8211; They didn&#8217;t even get us.<br \/>\n&#8211; They look so dumb. &#8211; Oh my! Hey! (Bob gasps) &#8211; [Augustus] Ah, beans! &#8211; That&#8217;s right. We&#8217;ve infiltrated your<br \/>\norganization yet again. &#8211; My signs! &#8211; You&#8217;ll never recover from this. &#8211; I, whoa, you- &#8211; How will you ever get<br \/>\nanother customer here when it proclaims that you are dumb? &#8211; I am not dumb! &#8211; I think we won the prank war. What did they do, release some insects in my restaurant? You just gave me a new<br \/>\nidea for a potato, dumbass. &#8211; Give me that marker if you<br \/>\nknow what&#8217;s good for you. (Tater gasping) Bob. The marker, please. If you&#8217;ve ever had any<br \/>\nrespect for me, the marker. There you go-<br \/>\n&#8211; Too slow. (Tater screams)<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh! Oh no. Oh, she needs some sugar. &#8211; No, you can&#8217;t do that! Stop. &#8211; [Augustus] You misspelled &#8220;porcupine&#8221;. &#8211; Sir, do we need a distraction? &#8211; I don&#8217;t know, I didn&#8217;t<br \/>\nprepare for this contingency. &#8211; I&#8217;ll use our escape potatoes! &#8211; Yes!<br \/>\n(Bob roars) What was that supposed to do? Oh, pshh. I&#8217;m sorry, I do need that marker back. &#8211; Nope. &#8211; That&#8217;s on loan.<br \/>\n&#8211; Nope. &#8211; That&#8217;s on loan. I do need that back. &#8211; You need this marker right here? &#8211; I do need it, I&#8217;m gonna call the cops. I&#8217;m gonna call the cops. &#8211; She&#8217;s not breathing! &#8211; I&#8217;m gonna call the cops, and I&#8217;m not gay. &#8211; I&#8217;m gonna throw it. &#8211; Don&#8217;t, please don&#8217;t.<br \/>\n&#8211; Here I go. Do you want it?<br \/>\n(marker clatters) Go get it, fetch! &#8211; Wake up!<br \/>\n&#8211; Fetch, go get it! &#8211; Wait.<br \/>\n&#8211; No, no! That&#8217;s not it! I didn&#8217;t put it right there. &#8211; Don&#8217;t leave on me! Look at what you did! &#8211; I hope she&#8217;s dead. &#8211; I hope you&#8217;re happy! \u266a I hope you&#8217;re happy now \u266a \u266a I hope you&#8217;re happy with<br \/>\nyour gay little shorts \u266a &#8211; What are you doing right now? \u266a And little ascot \u266a \u266a I hope you&#8217;re happy \u266a \u266a That she&#8217;s dead \u266a (Peter sighs) Tatum! She needs more marshmallows! \u266a I believe in you \u266a \u266a And always \u266a &#8211; Is this normal? \u266a As I know \u266a (Tater spits) Oh! (Jerry coughs) Oh. &#8211; The gay milkman!<br \/>\n&#8211; It&#8217;s a miracle! &#8211; The fact that they played that dirty, they&#8217;re gonna regret it! &#8211; I&#8217;m done with this, I&#8217;m done. I&#8217;m done. &#8211; What happened to the signs? &#8211; I fixed it, look. &#8220;Peeled, get in my mouth. 100% pork!&#8221; &#8211; What have these spuds brought us to? We can&#8217;t keep going on like this! It&#8217;s not worth it! I quit. (dramatic music) I quit! &#8211; Jerry, you can&#8217;t quit! (Tater yelps) &#8211; I give up!<br \/>\n(dramatic music) I give up, it&#8217;s not worth it! You know, I can take the apron, I can take the freakin&#8217; hat. Can someone untie this? &#8211; You see what you did! You see what you did! You see what happened? You&#8217;re the ugliest man I&#8217;ve ever seen! &#8211; I&#8217;m not a man, I&#8217;m a boy! (Tater yelps) I&#8217;m 22. I only look old. &#8211; Jerry, come back! I&#8217;ve never seen Jerry like that. How dare they mess with our signs? Jerry, come back! (Tater sobbing)<br \/>\n&#8211; There, there. \u266a When the potato is<br \/>\nthe last in the bunch \u266a &#8211; Stop it. Stop it. Please, stop it.<br \/>\n\u266a When the potato \u266a \u266a Is all you&#8217;ve had for lunch \u266a &#8211; Shh! (Tater sobbing) Look at us. This isn&#8217;t over yet. &#8211; No. &#8211; I&#8217;m gonna do something about this. &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; You hold down the shop!<br \/>\n&#8211; I&#8217;ll stay here! You hold down the, you go get &#8216;em! &#8211; I am pathetic! &#8211; And we are together! (bright upbeat music) &#8211; Ew. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! (beeping) (beeping) Ew! (Tater grunting) Hey! What are you doing? &#8211; Jerry quit! None of this was gonna happen before the stupid Potato Palace! &#8211; Were you literally just<br \/>\nabout to cut the hula hoop? &#8211; Yeah! Right after I put the crickets everywhere! &#8211; I think that you should just go, Tater. &#8211; Why am I doing this? I don&#8217;t know what&#8217;s happening to me! &#8211; I don&#8217;t know what you&#8217;re doing. You literally messed up-<br \/>\n&#8211; Well what are you doing? &#8211; I&#8217;m fixing the store that you- &#8211; What are you doing?<br \/>\n&#8211; Completely (beeping) up! &#8211; I Googled you. &#8211; Why? &#8211; Ever since you guys came into our lives, you&#8217;ve made Jerry, who was family to me, you made him lose his mind, and I&#8217;ve never seen him like that! He looks so ugly when he cries! And it&#8217;s because of you! &#8211; He was ugly! He was already ugly! &#8211; And when you told me that you were rich, I thought, I don&#8217;t<br \/>\nknow, maybe I&#8217;m gonna do a little Google searching, and I did, and this whole time<br \/>\nyou said you were rich, but you didn&#8217;t say you<br \/>\nwere a nepotism baby! &#8211; Don&#8217;t say that! I don&#8217;t like that word! &#8211; I know it, and you know it, and none of them know it. They don&#8217;t know anything.<br \/>\n&#8211; You don&#8217;t know anything. &#8211; But now they know. &#8211; You don&#8217;t know anything. &#8211; That Frite is the Duchess! &#8211; Shh! &#8211; Of the Lays Potato-<br \/>\n&#8211; Shh! &#8211; Industry! &#8211; Shut up, Tater! I don&#8217;t go by that! That&#8217;s not who I am! I am not a Duchess! I already told my family that I don&#8217;t want anything to do with the Lays! I don&#8217;t wanna do anything<br \/>\nwith the frickin&#8217; Lays Potato Chips! And I know everyone wants<br \/>\nto eat them on the beach, and it&#8217;s awesome! And you can have salt and vinegar, but I don&#8217;t care! I just wanna be a (beeping) sign spinner and live a normal life! Why did you Google me? I trusted you! &#8211; To be fair, I didn&#8217;t<br \/>\nGoogle the last boy- &#8211; You just-<br \/>\n&#8211; I didn&#8217;t- &#8211; You just said you Googled me. &#8211; Let me- &#8211; You literally just said you Googled me. &#8211; Let me finish.<br \/>\n&#8211; Fine. &#8211; To be fair, I didn&#8217;t Google<br \/>\nBarney, my last boyfriend. And then I didn&#8217;t realize that he has a public urination violation, and ever since then, I didn&#8217;t know that. &#8211; I think you should just go. &#8211; I keep thinking being<br \/>\npathetic is a good thing, but then look at what being pathetic does. I just tried to cut a hula hoop. You know how hard it<br \/>\nis to cut a hula hoop? &#8211; Yeah, I do. &#8211; The actress told me I was pathetic, so I tried to own it,<br \/>\nlike all the divas do when they own their flaws. So I was like, oh, I&#8217;m pathetic, and ever since you came,<br \/>\never since I met you, and I smelled your Pantene hair, I just, it made me feel weird things, and I was like, oh, I&#8217;m<br \/>\npathetic and I have a crush, and I, oh. &#8211; What? You know I use Pantene Pro V? &#8211; And I know it&#8217;s two in one. &#8211; Listen, Tater. I know this is crazy. But I wanna be pathetic, too. (beeping) being a Duchess. (beeping) having all<br \/>\nthe money in the world and literally being able to go to Italy whenever I want. I don&#8217;t want that. &#8211; Italy? &#8211; I just wanna be pathetic like you, because it sounds free. Also, I have this really cool thing where I can read if<br \/>\npeople are good and bad, and like, you were bad, but I feel like you&#8217;re<br \/>\nturning back to good. I was, like, going through<br \/>\na crazy amount of emotions. Like, at first I was like,<br \/>\nhow could you do this, Tater? Like, you put crickets all over the shop, and then the next second, I told Tater everything. &#8211; I was pretty bad when<br \/>\nI first walked in here. Look at your restaurant. It&#8217;s covered in crickets &#8216;cause of me. &#8211; Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don&#8217;t touch it. Oh, that reminds me. I got you something. &#8211; Me? &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; But we&#8217;re on enemy sides. We&#8217;re two warring gangs. &#8211; I don&#8217;t even know why I&#8217;m<br \/>\ndoing this for you anymore. I really don&#8217;t. I just, I must be sick in the head. This potato is the<br \/>\nVikings Valhalla potato, and it&#8217;s been sold out for weeks. &#8211; What&#8217;s it called? &#8211; Vikings Valhalla. And I saved it for you. Because I don&#8217;t know what I&#8217;m doing. I frickin&#8217; like you, and I don&#8217;t know why, because you&#8217;re the enemy, and you just put crickets everywhere, and you Googled me, and I trusted you. &#8211; I asked you an important question. &#8211; No, I can&#8217;t get you a<br \/>\nlifetime supply of Lays. &#8211; Are you gay? (soft music) &#8211; Yes. &#8211; Could we start from the beginning? &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; And meet just like<br \/>\npeople, not like potatoes on warring gangs? (Frite sighs) I&#8217;m Tater. &#8211; I&#8217;m Frite. And I&#8217;m gay. &#8211; I&#8217;m gay. I&#8217;m gonna have a bite,<br \/>\nbut don&#8217;t tell anyone. If Jerry finds out that I like you, or like anything<br \/>\nassociated with the Potato- &#8211; He&#8217;ll never find out. He&#8217;ll never find out. There was a cricket on there. Your hands look like<br \/>\nthey&#8217;ve been in a trash bag. &#8211; That&#8217;s the way my hands have looked since I was a baby. &#8211; That&#8217;s so pathetic. &#8211; I&#8217;m really excited. That was a conversation I<br \/>\nwould never have with Barney. It was like listening and responding. Who would have thought? &#8211; Take the potato. &#8211; I can&#8217;t. Hey!<br \/>\n&#8211; Hey! &#8211; I just wanted to get<br \/>\none last look at ya. Ah. I love that smile. &#8211; We had a conversation, and we&#8217;re together. (Frite laughs) It&#8217;s so wild to say that out loud, like, we&#8217;re together. \u266a When your legs don&#8217;t work \u266a \u266a Like they used to before \u266a \u266a And I can&#8217;t sweep you off of your feet \u266a (Frite spits) That is disgusting. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; Okay, okay. &#8211; I can&#8217;t do this! &#8211; Shh! &#8211; Is that a potato? &#8211; I don&#8217;t know, have you ever, I don&#8217;t know how to take care of somebody. Shh!<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh, why? &#8211; Jerry, come on.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh, I can&#8217;t do it. &#8211; You can&#8217;t give up now.<br \/>\n&#8211; I&#8217;m not good enough. &#8211; No, you&#8217;re good enough.<br \/>\n&#8211; No. &#8211; The state fair is coming. Augustus, a little help? &#8211; A quarter note becomes an eighth, an eighth becomes a<br \/>\nsixteenth, and on and on! &#8211; Okay, Augustus is having<br \/>\nsome sort of a manic episode. &#8211; He&#8217;s okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; And so are you! &#8211; I can&#8217;t even- &#8211; And this is not a good time! Come on, come on. Come on!<br \/>\n&#8211; What is that? &#8211; It&#8217;s potatoes! &#8211; Put down my pot!<br \/>\n&#8211; Come on! &#8211; Hey, put down my pot!<br \/>\n&#8211; You think banging on stuff is how to get someone out of a manic episode?<br \/>\n&#8211; Come on! Don&#8217;t mess with the pot!<br \/>\n&#8211; You&#8217;re supposed to slap &#8216;em. &#8211; Come on, we&#8217;re so close<br \/>\nto the state fair, Jerry. You can&#8217;t give up now, okay? You can&#8217;t have a crisis of<br \/>\nconfidence right now, okay? &#8211; I can&#8217;t do it! Look at my menu! (Jerry sobbing) &#8211; I&#8217;m so close to cracking<br \/>\nthis potato taste. &#8211; This is stupid. This is all stupid! &#8211; No! Don&#8217;t, don&#8217;t throw the potatoes. It&#8217;s okay! It&#8217;s okay. &#8211; Wait! Did you see that shit? (potato thuds) Oh! (laughing) Yo! &#8211; Did you want some of this, or? &#8211; Yeah! E equals MC squared. &#8211; That&#8217;s, that&#8217;s- &#8211; Yes, I figured it out! &#8211; No.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh, you smell rank. &#8211; That is not-<br \/>\n&#8211; Look at that! Mm. Mm, mm. Oh! &#8211; Oh yeah!<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh! &#8211; Oh no, it&#8217;s okay. &#8211; We&#8217;re trying out new- &#8211; No!<br \/>\n&#8211; It&#8217;s okay. &#8211; Yeah, it&#8217;s okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh! &#8211; It&#8217;s okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; It&#8217;s okay. &#8211; It&#8217;s okay! &#8211; Oh. That&#8217;s it! We can poison the Potato Palace&#8217;s potatoes at the state fair! That way anyone who eats their potatoes is gonna get sick! We don&#8217;t have to kill &#8216;em, but we can make &#8216;em really sick. Some diarrhea, at the least. Oh boy! Ah, they are done for! (Jerry laughing) Poisoned. That&#8217;s the answer. Why didn&#8217;t I think of it all along? Poisoned! (laughing) Can you make more of those? &#8211; Yeah, I was gonna keep<br \/>\nperfecting it, but yeah, I can make this, for sure. &#8211; Tatum. I need you to find a lot of laxatives. &#8211; What are you gonna do with them? &#8211; We&#8217;re gonna put &#8216;em in the<br \/>\nPotato Palace&#8217;s potatoes. &#8211; As long as Frite doesn&#8217;t get hurt. &#8211; They&#8217;re gonna be screaming brown- &#8211; Frite?<br \/>\n&#8211; For a month. &#8211; [Peter] Potato Palace march! Left, right, left!<br \/>\n&#8211; What the- &#8211; Right, left-<br \/>\n&#8211; Hey! &#8211; Right, left, right! At ease. &#8211; You guys aren&#8217;t welcome here. &#8211; Ahoy, matey!<br \/>\n&#8211; Look. &#8211; Whoa. &#8211; Something very important has come up. Look, all&#8217;s fair in love and war, but you have gone too far. &#8211; Oh. &#8211; This is the worst day of my life, and I am so angry right now. &#8211; It&#8217;s okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; It&#8217;s okay, Peter. &#8211; Like, I don&#8217;t think you get it that if Captain doesn&#8217;t,<br \/>\nlike, relieve his stress with his hula hoop, he really takes it out on everyone in the crew. &#8211; This is not okay. You guys have gone too far. This is my second love. Second only to Yuki. &#8211; Okay, well my first love is my menu. &#8211; I don&#8217;t like it when<br \/>\nyou guys bully my dad! &#8211; He&#8217;s not your-<br \/>\n&#8211; He&#8217;s your dad? &#8211; Guys, stop! You cut his hula hoop. &#8211; Well that&#8217;s not all I did. &#8211; What? &#8211; I have your weird sand shit. (dramatic music) &#8211; No! Don&#8217;t touch that! That&#8217;s dangerous! &#8211; Yeah! I cut your hula hoop! And I stole your weird,<br \/>\nweird magical coke! And there&#8217;s another third thing! &#8211; You were picking your wedgie. We know, Tatum, it&#8217;s- &#8211; There&#8217;s a fourth thing! I&#8217;m in love with Frite! (soft music)<br \/>\n(all gasping) &#8211; Sir, that is against company policy! We must have a meeting! &#8211; That&#8217;s section 4.-33. &#8211; 33, I was gonna say.<br \/>\n&#8211; Shut up! &#8211; What?<br \/>\n&#8211; Frite. &#8211; No.<br \/>\n&#8211; Don&#8217;t do this. &#8211; We&#8217;re in love. And I&#8217;m (beeping) over it, okay? I don&#8217;t want to be in your business! And I wanna sign spin, but I don&#8217;t want to be under your thumb! &#8211; I am shocked. I&#8217;m outraged, and I&#8217;m disappointed. The only relationship they should have is one to the death. &#8211; This has gone way too far. We don&#8217;t even care about the sand. We just wanna be together. So just drop it, okay? &#8211; Unacceptable.<br \/>\n&#8211; We&#8217;re not dropping it. &#8211; Unacceptable. &#8211; Well if you&#8217;re not dropping it, then we&#8217;re not either! &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Sir, what are we gonna do? We can&#8217;t have our best<br \/>\nmost loyal lady potato be fraternizing with the enemy! &#8211; I agree fully, Bob. &#8211; I know what to do. (dramatic music) &#8211; We&#8217;ll go to HR. (Bob gasps)<br \/>\n&#8211; No! &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yes. &#8211; No!<br \/>\n&#8211; You leave us no choice. &#8211; We can&#8217;t even afford a janitor! &#8211; You know what, Jerry? I hate to say it, but I think you&#8217;re right. Just this once. (dramatic music) (Peter gags)<br \/>\n(Jerry groaning) Oh. (Peter retching)<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh. Okay. &#8211; Barf bag. &#8211; Do you have a bag?<br \/>\n&#8211; Do you have one? &#8211; Barf bag, barf bag.<br \/>\n&#8211; No, no, no, no. Please don&#8217;t do that again.<br \/>\n&#8211; No, no, no. &#8211; That&#8217;s your shirt, dude.<br \/>\n&#8211; Just use- &#8211; [Frite] Please don&#8217;t do that again. (Peter retching) &#8211; Oh, god.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh man. &#8211; Oh.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah, that whole thing. &#8211; Oh!<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh! &#8211; Okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh my god! &#8211; It smells.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh my god. &#8211; It&#8217;s fine.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh my god. &#8211; What happened to sir<br \/>\nIsaac Newton over there? &#8211; Oh shit!<br \/>\n(beeping) &#8211; Oh. (beeping)<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh, man. &#8211; God, he&#8217;s frozen. &#8211; He never gave us the recipe for peanuts! &#8211; Back up, back up! This is gonna hurt you, honey! &#8211; Okay. (Tater blowing air)<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh! &#8211; [Frite] Oh my god! &#8211; Oh! &#8211; You&#8217;re bringing him back to life! &#8211; I see tears welling in his eyes. I think it&#8217;s working. &#8211; It&#8217;s you&#8217;re just<br \/>\ninflating the dead body! &#8211; Yeah. (dramatic music) (bright upbeat music) &#8211; [Tater] The Spud Hut! &#8211; Tater, why did you break up with me? (tense dramatic music) (keys clacking) &#8211; Good evening, everyone. Welcome to Sexual Harassment<br \/>\nPrevention Training. (Frite sighs) I am your HR representative, Carlisle. I&#8217;ve been doing HR for about a month now. Before that, I worked at<br \/>\nSix Flags for 20 years. Did a lot of jobs there. I was ticket sales, I was<br \/>\nperpendicular Superman on the Superman ride, among many other jobs there. But now I&#8217;m here with you guys, teaching about sexual<br \/>\nharassment prevention. What brings us in today, for this course? Uh, yes. &#8211; Well, some of our employees have decided to have<br \/>\ninappropriate relations with one another. Spuds shouldn&#8217;t be with other spuds. &#8211; So, they only sell potatoes? Huh. Well, I don&#8217;t see that<br \/>\nworking out too well. Well, if you can only sell potatoes, then I look like Ellen DeGeneres. &#8211; His employee seduced my employee- &#8211; No.<br \/>\n&#8211; And turned her lesbian. &#8211; That&#8217;s-<br \/>\n&#8211; No. &#8211; She, they, she was- &#8211; I&#8217;m hoping that this<br \/>\nclass can turn her back. &#8211; I actually think she was lesbian before my employee got to her. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; Agree to disagree.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; You can&#8217;t, (sighs). &#8211; I basically, with our class, I like to, um, you know, send our clients through<br \/>\na journey, if you will. I like to make them uncomfortable. I like to challenge them. And most of all, I<br \/>\nwanna make them feel bad for feeling any sort of sexual pleasure ever in their life. This is about feeling<br \/>\nuncomfortable all the time. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; [Tater] The Spud Hut! &#8211; [Frite] Question! &#8211; Yes, the potato? &#8211; Tater didn&#8217;t turn me lesbian, I was already lesbian, and- &#8211; See? &#8211; I&#8217;m going to be telling<br \/>\nmy parents anyways, since I was betrothed<br \/>\nto you, Peter Parker, so shut up.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh. Okay. &#8211; There&#8217;s a lot of history. See, what I was hoping for here was sexual prevention. I don&#8217;t understand this part, so if we could just do sexual, we just need to prevent<br \/>\nthem from having sex. It&#8217;s something that I am<br \/>\nvery trained with in my life. I practice it most days, and I was hoping that we could prevent Tater and Frite from<br \/>\ndoing anything sexual, or any kinda contact. I don&#8217;t want it, and I<br \/>\nthink it&#8217;s bad for business. It&#8217;s bad for my life. &#8211; Tater has a question. &#8211; Yes, Tater? &#8211; I wanna know why (beeping)<br \/>\npencil (beeping) is here. &#8211; Hey, hey!<br \/>\n&#8211; Whoa. &#8211; Who? &#8211; You know for a fact I don&#8217;t<br \/>\nhave a pencil (beeping). &#8211; I body shamed him, and I<br \/>\ncalled him a pencil (beeping). I haven&#8217;t even seen his (beeping). &#8211; I do not have a pencil (beeping), okay? And there are lots of<br \/>\npeople that confirm that. I have sources. I even have photos, if<br \/>\nyou really need proof. I&#8217;d prefer not to share. But I don&#8217;t want to get it twisted. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; Barney is here because everyone needs to explore more options. &#8211; I&#8217;m here to learn, so if you<br \/>\ncould leave me alone, please. &#8211; That&#8217;s Tater&#8217;s ex. He shouldn&#8217;t be here. &#8211; I get it, I&#8217;m really distracting to you. &#8211; Okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh my god. &#8211; I think we have a lot-<br \/>\n&#8211; Honestly, it&#8217;s Ex-ual harassment prevention.<br \/>\n&#8211; That&#8217;s good. &#8211; Okay, that&#8217;s pretty good. I see we have a lot to<br \/>\nlearn, to cover here. Can anyone tell me what harassment is? Yes, Jerry. &#8211; It&#8217;s when you&#8217;re freaking<br \/>\nannoying to other people. This freaking dinger harasses me everyday. &#8211; Okay, okay, well that, okay, that&#8217;s also harassment<br \/>\nright there, but yes? &#8211; It&#8217;s when you make the<br \/>\nworst spuds known to man. &#8211; Okay, I don&#8217;t know if that qualifies. &#8211; You harass the taste buds. &#8211; Okay. Okay. Yes, Jerry? &#8211; It&#8217;s when you wear a<br \/>\nlittle gay boy shorts. &#8211; Okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay, yes. The potato again. &#8211; Carlisle, ex-Superman, listen. What&#8217;s harassment is those two. They&#8217;re harassing us. All we wanna do is be together, and I don&#8217;t see the problem with it. &#8211; Well, you see the problem is that any sort of sexual relations is bad- &#8211; Thank you for saying that.<br \/>\n&#8211; You&#8217;re welcome. &#8211; See, what you&#8217;re doing right now is bad, and it&#8217;s against God. &#8211; So, is the guy in the sailor outfit mad because they&#8217;re both potatoes, or because they&#8217;re both women? &#8211; [Frite] Why is Barney here,<br \/>\nand who is Barney&#8217;s friend? &#8211; [Carlisle] Who are you, sir? &#8211; I don&#8217;t know. &#8211; I&#8217;m just trying to better myself. I&#8217;m the co-owner of a company. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; That&#8217;s awesome. &#8211; No actually, I realize-<br \/>\n&#8211; Were you- &#8211; He&#8217;s been here in most of these meetings for the past month. &#8211; So when I saw Carlisle<br \/>\nat Six Flags as Superman, I was like, I gotta be that guy&#8217;s friend, and he told me, &#8220;I&#8217;m doing<br \/>\nthis sexual harassment prevention class,&#8221; I&#8217;m<br \/>\nlike, &#8220;I&#8217;m there, bro. I&#8217;m there.&#8221; And now we hang out every Tuesday night. &#8211; Yeah, Anthony, I used<br \/>\nto see him at Six Flags all the time. You know, he was there<br \/>\ngetting some tattoos. He likes to get the<br \/>\ntattoos while on the rides. And it comes out really unique, you know, a lot of loops. &#8211; He has a wife. But he and I just kinda<br \/>\nhang out, you know? Platonically. &#8211; He&#8217;s there with us all day every day in the bedroom. And, uh, you know, it&#8217;s unique. It&#8217;s a unique relationship we have. Anthony&#8217;s a very kind, openhearted person. It&#8217;s platonic. It&#8217;s platonic, you know. And I think that&#8217;s kinda<br \/>\nwhat turns me on about it. &#8211; Are you from the &#8220;Angry Birds&#8221; movie? &#8211; One and two, yeah. &#8211; Oh, I like the first one. I did not like the second one. &#8211; They made a second one? &#8211; Yeah, they made a second one. &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; They made an &#8220;Angry Birds&#8221; movie? &#8211; Okay, let&#8217;s take this<br \/>\nback to the beginning. Part of sexual harassment is<br \/>\nsaying inappropriate things to one another. Can people give me phrases that you shouldn&#8217;t say<br \/>\nin a workplace setting? &#8211; (beeping). &#8211; I was gonna say (beeping). &#8211; Okay, any others? Any other phrases? It can be more than just one word. Yes, you in the back there. What&#8217;s your name? &#8211; Uh, Bob.<br \/>\n&#8211; Bob, okay. &#8211; Something like, &#8220;Bob, if<br \/>\nyou don&#8217;t do what I say, I&#8217;m gonna shove a potato up your ass.&#8221; &#8211; Oh, that&#8217;s very good, Bob. That&#8217;s perfect. &#8211; I&#8217;m just riffing.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh. &#8211; Now, yes? &#8211; Poon town? &#8211; Okay, once again, we&#8217;re saying a lot of just one words. Yes, Jerry.<br \/>\n&#8211; Gooch. &#8211; Why don&#8217;t we get more<br \/>\nof a sentence going? &#8211; If you don&#8217;t give me a raise, I&#8217;m gonna (beeping) myself. &#8211; Not sexual.<br \/>\n&#8211; Exactly. &#8211; I&#8217;m gonna (beeping)<br \/>\nmyself when I&#8217;m jerking off. &#8211; Oh, there we go. That&#8217;s the spice we needed.<br \/>\n&#8211; That&#8217;s a thing. &#8211; Hi, man, let me get that, let me get your girl&#8217;s hi-man, hymen. &#8211; You know what, okay,<br \/>\nI&#8217;m gonna take that. That&#8217;s good.<br \/>\n(bell dings) &#8211; It&#8217;s crushing time. &#8211; There we go.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh my god. &#8211; Um, get in my, get in my G-spot, girl! &#8211; Nice, Jerry. &#8211; Pull that out of my mouth. &#8211; Peter, no, that&#8217;s, you&#8217;re<br \/>\nnot sexually harassing someone. &#8211; Anus. &#8211; Titty time!<br \/>\n&#8211; There we go. &#8211; I was gonna say that. I was gonna say titty time. &#8211; Jerry&#8217;s in the lead right now. Peter, you wanna try to catch up? &#8211; Nipple please me! &#8211; Oh, Jerry&#8217;s up by two. We&#8217;re in the fourth quarter right now. &#8211; I haven&#8217;t thought, I&#8217;m sorry, I haven&#8217;t thought<br \/>\nabout sex in three years. Wet ass ass.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay, well- &#8211; Wet ass in not one! Wet ass is not one!<br \/>\n&#8211; We&#8217;ll take it. Wet ass is okay. If you&#8217;re saying that to someone, it can count as sexual harassment. Jerry, you got anything? He&#8217;s catching up now. This could be a comeback story. &#8211; Uh, let me get a whiff- &#8211; Comeback? Seriously? &#8211; Nice, that&#8217;s one for the potato. &#8211; Hey, they&#8217;re holding hands! &#8211; Whoa! &#8211; [Carlisle] That&#8217;s three points. &#8211; What?<br \/>\n&#8211; What? &#8211; We&#8217;re holding hands<br \/>\nbecause we love each other. What&#8217;s the problem? &#8211; So you&#8217;re gonna say, I&#8217;m sorry! Mrs. Kate? All of this stuff that they said about jingle tits, and motorboating, and (beeping) stuff is all appropriate, but two potatoes holding<br \/>\nhands is inappropriate? &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; It&#8217;s tough. I really thought I wanted<br \/>\nto break up with Tater, and no longer be with her, but seeing her with someone else just, it&#8217;s not okay. It wasn&#8217;t okay. I really didn&#8217;t like that. It was, um. It was hard. &#8211; But they&#8217;re only holding hands, which is, I guess, I guess the roots of a potato, I have no idea how potatoes reproduce. Uh. &#8211; Potatoes reproduce vegetively. Which means that their<br \/>\neyes are where you sprout roots and stuff. So like, someone like me, I was just born of another potato. And so how can you necessarily<br \/>\nsexually harass yourself, if that&#8217;s also your mom? Like, these are complicated things we could get into, but we<br \/>\nwere so focused on the people. &#8211; Okay. This is clearly worse than I expected. This is the most dastardly<br \/>\ngroup of individuals I&#8217;ve ever worked with. So we&#8217;re gonna break off into groups, and we&#8217;re gonna do a<br \/>\nlittle bit of role playing. &#8211; Yes! &#8211; That sounds like a sex thing. Are we gonna have sex? &#8211; I don&#8217;t want to have sex<br \/>\nwith anyone in this room. &#8211; I don&#8217;t really wanna have sex. &#8211; Nobody wants to have<br \/>\nsex with you, Jerry. &#8211; [Tater] Nobody wants<br \/>\nto have sex with you! &#8211; Hey, don&#8217;t say that. People wanna have sex with me. &#8211; [Frite] Nobody wants<br \/>\nto have sex with you. &#8211; My hot wife wants to have<br \/>\nsex with me all the time, so. &#8211; Gus! Wake the (beeping) up! &#8211; Yeah, okay. So I fell asleep, sue me. I already know everything<br \/>\nabout sexual harassment, because I was left by my body pillow. And Yuki meant everything to me. Her ass meant everything to me. And I know all about it. That ass. Real talk, I didn&#8217;t fall<br \/>\nasleep out of disrespect. It was more out of giving<br \/>\neveryone else a chance. You see, I&#8217;m somebody of the mindset that hole is hole, and it doesn&#8217;t really matter<br \/>\nwhat gender somebody is. I&#8217;m down for whatever, and I&#8217;ve done it all. &#8211; I&#8217;m sorry, at what point<br \/>\ndo you become Superman? &#8211; When you least expect it. All right, we&#8217;re gonna<br \/>\nbreak off into groups. &#8211; Did I miss the bad word section? &#8211; Do you have one?<br \/>\n&#8211; Yes, you did. &#8211; Do you got something?<br \/>\n&#8211; Say the best one now. &#8211; Uh. Lube it up! There&#8217;s not enough hentai! We gotta make some. &#8211; Mm.<br \/>\n&#8211; At work. &#8211; That&#8217;s not too bad.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; All right. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; I have a couple ways that I keep from getting aroused at work. I, um, well I wear the suspenders so you can&#8217;t see my nipples. I have this little ball I keep, it&#8217;s a little potato. And I just squeeze it, so the blood flow goes into my arms. I also keep a feather duster. That&#8217;s to tickle me, sometimes. (Carlisle sighs) &#8211; Okay. Now we&#8217;re gonna do a little<br \/>\nbit of role play, all right? We&#8217;re gonna have two of you come up here, and demonstrate some appropriate<br \/>\nworkplace interactions. Okay, we got two volunteers right here. (all clapping) All right. Now Jerry, Peter. You&#8217;re going to demonstrate<br \/>\nsome appropriate workplace interactions. Why don&#8217;t you say some<br \/>\nthings that you can say to your fellow coworkers? Maybe some positive things? &#8211; You wear the outfit<br \/>\nwhere your balls look nice. &#8211; Okay.<br \/>\n(Bob clapping) &#8211; Peter.<br \/>\n&#8211; No, let&#8217;s not clap for that. &#8211; Peter, good job.<br \/>\n&#8211; Peter cannot- &#8211; He&#8217;s being gay again! &#8211; You can&#8217;t comment on someone&#8217;s- &#8211; It&#8217;s not gay to compliment- &#8211; It&#8217;s gay-<br \/>\n&#8211; Another man&#8217;s balls. &#8211; Yeah, it is. That&#8217;s the definition of gay. &#8211; Oh my god, leave Peter alone. He&#8217;s not gay. He&#8217;s just a sailor. &#8211; Literally, that&#8217;s not<br \/>\nthe definition of gay. Trust me. I know. I read the dictionary. Upon further inspection,<br \/>\nI suppose maybe saying that somebody&#8217;s balls look nice was sexual harassment. Maybe. But it&#8217;s not gay. &#8211; To comment on another<br \/>\nman&#8217;s balls is gay. Period. &#8211; It&#8217;s just one dude commenting on another gentleman&#8217;s balls. Just an anatomical observation. &#8211; Say something that is<br \/>\nnot commenting on his body. &#8211; Come on, Peter. &#8211; Good job, slugger. &#8211; Okay, there we go. &#8211; Nice, Peter.<br \/>\n&#8211; Very good. (all clap) Now obviously also in workplace, it&#8217;s okay to have some<br \/>\nphysical interactions, but what are some appropriate<br \/>\nphysical interactions you can have with your coworkers? Why don&#8217;t you demonstrate what you think are some appropriate? &#8211; Bitch.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay, no. No, that&#8217;s a little aggressive. &#8211; Jerry!<br \/>\n(all snickering) &#8211; Oh my god.<br \/>\n(Jerry laughing) &#8211; Hey, hey, hey!<br \/>\n&#8211; Ow, ow, ow! &#8211; Hey, hey!<br \/>\n&#8211; He&#8217;s on me! &#8211; Hey!<br \/>\n&#8211; Hey, hey, hey! Okay, okay, okay!<br \/>\n&#8211; Hey, hey! Peter!<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay, settle down! &#8211; Don&#8217;t touch her!<br \/>\n&#8211; Settle down! &#8211; Don&#8217;t.<br \/>\n&#8211; Settle down. (Bob crying) &#8211; [Carlisle] Don&#8217;t make me<br \/>\nget out the Superman costume. &#8211; You have it here?<br \/>\n&#8211; Is that a threat? &#8211; [Carlisle] I have it here. &#8211; Tater, what are you doing? We haven&#8217;t talked about that yet. I smell really good, and<br \/>\npeople can&#8217;t get enough of it. &#8211; You smell like a potato.<br \/>\n&#8211; Frite. &#8211; I know. &#8211; Try that again. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; What are some appropriate<br \/>\nphysical interactions? Maybe you can shake hands,<br \/>\nor fist bump, or something? &#8211; We&#8217;re not good at shaking hands. &#8211; We&#8217;re not good at shaking hands. &#8211; How about this? Why don&#8217;t you guys go in for a hug? Which is okay, if both<br \/>\npeople are okay with it. (Jerry laughs) (all clapping) &#8211; Stop. &#8211; You&#8217;re leaning-<br \/>\n&#8211; Stop! &#8211; You&#8217;re leaning.<br \/>\n&#8211; You&#8217;re leaning into me. &#8211; You&#8217;re leaning. Stop! Just. &#8211; That was awesome. &#8211; What? &#8211; You guys did really great. I&#8217;m really proud of you. You may sit down. &#8211; That&#8217;s it? Did we pass? Can we go home?<br \/>\n&#8211; Do we win? &#8211; No.<br \/>\n&#8211; Do we win? &#8211; No.<br \/>\n&#8211; What? &#8211; There&#8217;s no winning sexual<br \/>\nharassment prevention. &#8211; Is she still lesbian? &#8211; I believe so. &#8211; Then we didn&#8217;t win.<br \/>\n&#8211; Then we didn&#8217;t win. &#8211; [Frite] Oh my god. &#8211; That&#8217;s, okay. &#8211; That&#8217;s so (beeping) up on every level. &#8211; Every level. &#8211; Not on some levels. &#8211; Jerry is my sworn enemy. But I will say that that hug<br \/>\nbrought us closer together. Not emotionally, physically. We were physically closer together. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; Okay. Let&#8217;s have some other people step up here. &#8211; Barney hasn&#8217;t gone. &#8211; Barney, why don&#8217;t you go ahead? And I&#8217;m sorry, what&#8217;s your name? &#8211; Anthony. &#8211; Anthony, okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Uh, why don&#8217;t you<br \/>\nguys both step up here? &#8211; &#8216;Kay.<br \/>\n(all clapping) &#8211; Now, Barney, what&#8217;s<br \/>\nsomething that&#8217;s been troubling you at work that you&#8217;d like to work through right now? &#8211; Well, there&#8217;s this girl. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; And it&#8217;s tough. Here&#8217;s the thing though, is like, I&#8217;m not really, like,<br \/>\nready for it, you know? Like, I got a lotta stuff going on. But like, I also don&#8217;t really want her to be with anyone else, if<br \/>\nyou get what I&#8217;m saying. &#8211; [Carlisle] Got it, got it. &#8211; [Barney] You know, so it&#8217;s like, I&#8217;m just kinda trying to, you know. &#8211; Barney, it sounds like you might need to make the first move here. &#8211; To? Sorry, not in this room.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. Not in this room, but you know, like maybe you&#8217;re<br \/>\nfeeling a little nervous. &#8211; Is this dating advice?<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Or we doing the training? &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Is he sending her DMs? &#8211; Well the problem is I broke up with her. &#8211; Mm.<br \/>\n&#8211; Mm. &#8211; So Anthony, why don&#8217;t you<br \/>\nplay this girl in question? &#8211; Okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; Now let&#8217;s practice you going up and saying, how would you tell her she can&#8217;t date anyone else? &#8211; [Anthony] What&#8217;s the girl&#8217;s name? &#8211; Uh, Gator. &#8211; Okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; Like an alligator? &#8211; Okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; Not like, you&#8217;re nothing like an alligator. &#8211; All right, so Gator&#8217;s walking in. &#8211; Okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; Mm. &#8211; That&#8217;s not how she walks. &#8211; Dude, you guys don&#8217;t know Gator. &#8211; Guys, we don&#8217;t know who this Gator is. &#8211; This isn&#8217;t about anyone here. &#8211; It&#8217;s me.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay, should I walk in? &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; Just go and head in.<br \/>\n&#8211; All right, all right. (Anthony grunting) &#8211; Wow.<br \/>\n&#8211; Wow. &#8211; Wow, look at that.<br \/>\n&#8211; What&#8217;s up, Gator? &#8211; Hey.<br \/>\n&#8211; Hey, Gator. &#8211; Hey.<br \/>\n&#8211; Hey. (laughing) &#8211; Hey.<br \/>\n&#8211; Wow. &#8211; Excuse me, how is this<br \/>\nsexual harassment prevention? &#8211; Yeah, what&#8217;s happening here? &#8211; I don&#8217;t understand!<br \/>\n&#8211; I&#8217;m also standing! &#8211; Why can they do this and we can&#8217;t? &#8211; Hey, he hasn&#8217;t even<br \/>\ntalked about his balls yet! &#8211; I think you&#8217;re an awful teacher. You&#8217;re just having people<br \/>\ndo weird grounded skits. &#8211; Go back to Six Flags, Carmichael! &#8211; Is it wrong &#8216;cause Anthony&#8217;s<br \/>\na dude and I&#8217;m a dude? &#8211; Yeah. Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; What? Can you not handle-<br \/>\n&#8211; No one said that! &#8211; A man playing a woman?<br \/>\n&#8211; No one said that! &#8211; [Barney] Good god! &#8211; Can you not handle<br \/>\na man playing a woman? &#8211; Tater and Frite, can<br \/>\nyou stop being homophobic for two seconds?<br \/>\n&#8211; Wow! &#8211; Two seconds. God.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; I support everyone. And sometimes I feel<br \/>\nlike no one supports me, and there&#8217;s no bigger evidence than what just happened there. &#8211; What is this even for? I never signed a release form. You can&#8217;t release this. You cannot release this footage. &#8211; God, that Anthony. What an amazing guy. I mean truly, that&#8217;s<br \/>\nprobably the best thing that came out of the<br \/>\nsexual harassment training, was meeting him. We&#8217;re getting a coffee later. It was really special. He&#8217;s so tender. Yeah, that was awesome. Thank you so much. &#8211; You guys rock. &#8211; Do you want me to do more? &#8211; This was really educational. &#8211; Do you want me to do more? &#8211; Maybe later. I don&#8217;t know, you wanna<br \/>\nplay pickleball sometime? &#8211; Ooh.<br \/>\n&#8211; Hey! &#8211; Let me join. (chuckling) &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; (laughs) Yeah. &#8211; You can come. &#8211; Okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; It&#8217;d be fun. &#8211; I can come.<br \/>\n&#8211; Very cool. &#8211; Can I go to the restroom? &#8211; Okay, you know what? Let&#8217;s take a five minute break. Let&#8217;s all cool down, let&#8217;s all get a rest, get an Oreo, and we&#8217;ll meet<br \/>\nback up in five minutes. &#8211; Did you bring Oreos for everyone? &#8211; Enough for myself. &#8211; [Augustus] I&#8217;ll go with you. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; In this class in particular, I&#8217;m really channeling Tony Robbins. I learned a lot from him. I&#8217;ll never forget him<br \/>\njust standing over me, you know, he&#8217;s 10 feet tall. Just looking at me going,<br \/>\n&#8220;You can do great things.&#8221; And I was like, &#8220;I can do great things.&#8221; He actually plucked me out of Six Flags. He was there, and he saw me at the top of the Superman ride, and<br \/>\nhe recognized my greatness, and he said, you know, &#8220;On the<br \/>\nshoulders of giants we sit.&#8221; And I was like, &#8220;I agree.&#8221; And this was when the,<br \/>\n&#8216;cause the ride got stopped there at the top of the ride, and it happens a lot, and so we had a good conversation there. And he said, &#8220;You know what? I think you don&#8217;t need to<br \/>\nbe working at Six Flags. You can be working somewhere else.&#8221; I said, &#8220;You&#8217;re right.&#8221; And I unhooked myself, and fell into the carriage there, the seats, and as I fell, you know,<br \/>\na couple family members, this small family, they did<br \/>\nfall out of their seat belts, and they did fall to their deaths. &#8211; What&#8217;s the weirdest thing<br \/>\nsomeone&#8217;s ever dropped on a ride? &#8211; Oh, uh. Uh, Faberge eggs. Um, uh, Cadbury Creme Eggs. &#8211; Mm. &#8211; One time, someone shit themselves. &#8211; Mm. &#8211; And when it came up on<br \/>\nSuperman, it floated up. &#8211; On you?<br \/>\n&#8211; Onto my face, yeah. &#8211; Oh.<br \/>\n&#8211; It was pretty bad. &#8211; Okay, ugh. Mm. (Carlisle grunting) All right. Now back to the course. I have been sensing a lot of tension coming from this section<br \/>\nof the room right here. Um, so why don&#8217;t you guys get up here and demonstrate some appropriate<br \/>\nworkplace interactions? (Bob claps) (all clapping) &#8211; That felt inappropriate. The hand touching. &#8211; Shut up.<br \/>\n&#8211; Sorry. &#8211; I feel as if anything we do, the room is gonna think<br \/>\nit&#8217;s inappropriate. &#8211; Seriously.<br \/>\n&#8211; No, no, no. Okay? &#8211; Okay. &#8211; Uh.<br \/>\n(Barney retching) Oh.<br \/>\n&#8211; No, no. &#8211; Oh, okay. It&#8217;s a bit much. &#8211; [Tater] Coworkers can hug! &#8211; Well, it depends. &#8211; [Frite] What does it depend on? &#8211; Yeah, I definitely felt like, and this is gonna be<br \/>\na weird way to say it, I felt like I was, um, witnessing, like, a weird hate crime by two gay men against two gay women. And you think you&#8217;re gonna be the hero that stands up and stops it, but my god, it was like, pass the popcorn. &#8211; I think what was weird about that was Jerry just like hated the fact that I was finding love, and all I&#8217;ve done since day one is fight for the Spud Hut, and I don&#8217;t, to be honest, I don&#8217;t care about spuds. And I don&#8217;t care about the business. I&#8217;m not getting paid that much. And my college program or whatever, the way I started this<br \/>\nwhole thing, is done. It&#8217;s over. I&#8217;m just there now for like $14 an hour, and I get paid 20 bucks a month to keep up our Threads accounts, and our Facebook and Instagram accounts, and I&#8217;m not even doing that anymore. So I have no real reason to be here. And the one time something happens for me, Jerry leaves me, and humiliates me. Like, I&#8217;m always there for you, dude. I&#8217;m always there for you. &#8211; Look, I&#8217;m sensing that<br \/>\nthere&#8217;s sexual tension between the two of you. Coworkers cannot have any<br \/>\nsexual tension between them. Nothing, that is what&#8217;s making<br \/>\nthis inappropriate here. You must be completely platonic. &#8211; Wait, wait, wait.<br \/>\n&#8211; Borderline robotic. &#8211; We don&#8217;t even-<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah, we&#8217;re- &#8211; We don&#8217;t work in the same-<br \/>\n&#8211; We&#8217;re not coworkers. We&#8217;re essentially enemies. &#8211; Somehow, in the mall-<br \/>\n&#8211; What? &#8211; There&#8217;s two potato places. &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; There&#8217;s actually three. &#8211; We&#8217;re Potato Palace, they&#8217;re Spud Hut. &#8211; If you wanna count yams. &#8211; There&#8217;s Yam Yurt, which makes no sense. Michael&#8217;s an idiot. &#8211; And he works for an eggplant place. &#8211; Aubergine and Jeans. &#8211; None of you work together? &#8211; [Jerry] And he works for like a- &#8211; [Frite] No, none of us work together. &#8211; And he works for like<br \/>\na really successful YouTube company? &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; You do YouTube?<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; So none of you are coworkers? &#8211; No. &#8211; I&#8217;m a potato. &#8211; Oh, good job. &#8211; Some of us are coworkers,<br \/>\njust for the record. Point of order.<br \/>\n&#8211; But not you? &#8211; We&#8217;re not coworkers.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh. &#8211; Just point of order-<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh! &#8211; Some of us are.<br \/>\n&#8211; No, yeah. &#8211; Oh, well enemies especially are allowed to do, I mean, (beeping) all. I mean, anything&#8217;s allowed. Hugging, kissing, sex. &#8211; Whoa, boo!<br \/>\n&#8211; No! &#8211; Every kind of sex.<br \/>\n&#8211; Wait, wait. &#8211; Every level of sex.<br \/>\n&#8211; So then why are we here? &#8211; No, no!<br \/>\n&#8211; Fisting. &#8211; Could you stuff each other? &#8211; Yeah, you can stuff each other. &#8211; No! &#8211; Stuffed? Stuffed potato? (dramatic music) Oh. Oh, that&#8217;s good. I would like to admit something. I was wrong. &#8211; Wow, Jerry. That&#8217;s really powerful. (all clapping) As of right now, Jerry&#8217;s winning sexual harassment training. &#8211; Yes!<br \/>\n&#8211; That&#8217;s not fair. &#8211; I like that Carlisle guy. He said I won. I like winning. &#8211; Thank you.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. Augustus, do you want a chance to win sexual harassment training? &#8211; Yeah, absolutely. &#8211; Go ahead, give it a shot. &#8211; Easy. Are we doing situations, or? &#8211; Just stand up and do something. &#8211; No!<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh! (all screaming)<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay, okay! &#8211; No!<br \/>\n&#8211; No! (bright upbeat music) &#8211; Time for questions? &#8211; Sure, yeah, go ahead. &#8211; Well, I just wanted to know so when I do wanna have<br \/>\nsex with a coworker, what is the best place to do it at? &#8211; Oh.<br \/>\n&#8211; The butt. The butt, &#8216;cause every gender&#8217;s got it. &#8211; No.<br \/>\n&#8211; I was thinking location, but that&#8217;s good too, thank you. &#8211; Not allowed with coworkers, &#8216;cause God will smite you. &#8211; I thought you just said- &#8211; I&#8217;m gonna say something! &#8211; Oh, ah! (stand clatters) &#8211; Oh!<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh! &#8211; Deal with it. &#8211; Don&#8217;t be mad. &#8211; What? &#8211; Now that you&#8217;re saying it&#8217;s allowed for us to be together, for some reason, I don&#8217;t want it anymore. &#8211; Yes! &#8211; What? &#8211; Sorry.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Now that she doesn&#8217;t<br \/>\nwanna be together with her, I want them to be together. &#8211; Yes, Bob? &#8211; Can I have a chance to role play? &#8211; I think you and<br \/>\nAugustus would be perfect to role play. I think you guys are gonna win hands down. Go ahead. &#8211; Yay. &#8211; I don&#8217;t even know what to say. I&#8217;m shocked. Do you know how hard it<br \/>\nis for me to open up? Like, I don&#8217;t trust anybody. I told her I was a Duchess. I don&#8217;t even want the title. &#8211; Can we get a word, or? &#8211; Yeah, let&#8217;s get a word. &#8211; Aquarium!<br \/>\n&#8211; Gooch! &#8211; I heard aquarium! &#8211; All right, we got aquarium. We got aquarium. All right, aquarium. (all clapping) &#8211; Wow, Augustus, I&#8217;m so glad you took me on a date to this aquarium. &#8211; It sure is nice working<br \/>\nat the aquarium, sugar tits. &#8211; Mm-hmm. I have potato tits.<br \/>\n&#8211; That&#8217;s true. Let&#8217;s intercourse about it. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; Do you like hentai? (Frite gasps) &#8211; Mm-hmm.<br \/>\n&#8211; Me too. You look tense. (Bob yelps) &#8211; [Bob] That&#8217;s how I give birth. &#8211; [Augustus] That&#8217;s great. &#8211; Hey, I don&#8217;t like this.<br \/>\n&#8211; Can I show you diagrams? &#8211; I really feel sick.<br \/>\n&#8211; Well I&#8217;m not done. &#8211; All right, let&#8217;s-<br \/>\n&#8211; What&#8217;s that? &#8211; (clapping) Let&#8217;s give<br \/>\nthem a round of applause. That was disgusting. &#8211; You&#8217;ve got a pretty mouth. &#8211; All right.<br \/>\n&#8211; Thank you. &#8211; You guys both win $2,000<br \/>\nto Anastasia Beverly Hills. &#8211; What the hell?<br \/>\n&#8211; What? &#8211; What?<br \/>\n&#8211; What? &#8211; What&#8217;s going on?<br \/>\n&#8211; I didn&#8217;t know, what? &#8211; Let&#8217;s go. &#8211; [Barney] You didn&#8217;t tell<br \/>\nus there was money involved! &#8211; Let&#8217;s go.<br \/>\n&#8211; Anastasia Beverly Hills? Are you serious? &#8211; They have the best<br \/>\nbrows in all of the land! &#8211; For the other potatoes<br \/>\nin this room, sashay away. &#8211; Augustus makes me so uncomfortable, and he smells really strange, but I was happy to participate. I like being a part of things. I don&#8217;t know if you know this, but often, I&#8217;m ignored. So just being able to join in, even in like a small way,<br \/>\nit&#8217;s really, really cool. &#8211; My scene with Bob unfortunately,<br \/>\nif I&#8217;m being honest, did show me how uncomfortable<br \/>\nthings could be. When I said, &#8220;You look tense,&#8221; and offered, you know, a back rub, like a coworker might, I expected Bob to say, &#8220;No thank you, that&#8217;s not appropriate.&#8221; And yet Bob accepted? I&#8217;m sorry, but t&#8217;was<br \/>\nbeauty killed the beast. That was too much for me. &#8211; This is ridiculous.<br \/>\n&#8211; I don&#8217;t need this anymore. &#8211; Do we Venmo you, or?<br \/>\n(beeping) &#8211; Sick!<br \/>\n&#8211; Venmo me? &#8211; Hey, whoa.<br \/>\n&#8211; That&#8217;s, well, kinda, yeah. &#8211; Stop. &#8211; I&#8217;m gonna bill you.<br \/>\n&#8211; All right, you can Venmo me, you can Zelle me. You can beep me, if you wanna reach me. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; Carlisle, check this out. Is this appropriate for the workplace? &#8211; That&#8217;s awesome.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh! &#8211; That&#8217;s really cool.<br \/>\n&#8211; That&#8217;s awesome. I thought you&#8217;d like it.<br \/>\n&#8211; You&#8217;re really cool. &#8211; [Barney] Yeah. &#8211; Hey, sports. Let&#8217;s rap. Look, team. We may have lost today, but sometimes, that&#8217;s gonna happen. We gotta pull ourselves<br \/>\ntogether, you know? When we get knocked down on our way up, we&#8217;re gonna bite off a kneecap, we&#8217;re gonna get up, we&#8217;re<br \/>\ngonna face our opponent, we&#8217;re gonna take that loss, and we&#8217;re gonna turn it into a win. &#8211; You know what I&#8217;m gonna win? This (beeping) battle between you and I. &#8211; Whoa. Why are we battling?<br \/>\n&#8211; You did this. &#8211; [Barney] I didn&#8217;t do anything, he did. &#8211; [Frite] You made Tater turn against me. &#8211; You did it. &#8211; [Frite] You made Tater turn against me! &#8211; You made Tater turn against her! &#8211; No I didn&#8217;t! You said they couldn&#8217;t be together, and then Tater was like-<br \/>\n&#8211; I never said that! &#8211; You said they could be together- &#8211; I never said that!<br \/>\n&#8211; And then Tater said that, Tater broke up with you! &#8211; Because of you!<br \/>\n&#8211; No, because of him! &#8211; Tater, why did you break up with me? &#8211; [Carlisle] Tater, why&#8217;d you do it? &#8211; [Frite] I don&#8217;t trust<br \/>\nanyone, and I trusted you! &#8211; She trusted you. &#8211; I don&#8217;t have what it<br \/>\ntakes to stay in the game. &#8211; Tater, don&#8217;t say that. &#8211; It feels like we&#8217;re<br \/>\nin the fourth quarter, and I don&#8217;t have any strength left. &#8211; I know. But you&#8217;ve got this. This whole team, it&#8217;s<br \/>\nbuilt around your spirit. You&#8217;re the heart of this team. &#8211; I don&#8217;t know if I can run the ball down the field any longer. &#8211; You can do it. &#8211; But- &#8211; We&#8217;re literally a football team. &#8211; It feels like this whole<br \/>\ntown wants us to win, and I don&#8217;t know if I have it in me. &#8211; Tater, I know you have it in you. I know I&#8217;ve been hard on you. &#8211; You can do hard things, Tater. &#8211; Tater, you can&#8217;t give up now. There&#8217;s gonna be scouts there this Sunday. &#8211; I know there&#8217;s gonna be<br \/>\nscouts there on Friday. &#8211; Sunday.<br \/>\n&#8211; Sunday. I just, I don&#8217;t know like, ever since Frite told me, you told me that secret, I just, I don&#8217;t know if I trust you. &#8211; I told you that secret in confidence. &#8211; I know, I just, it felt crazy<br \/>\nthat you hid that from me. &#8211; I didn&#8217;t know you! I didn&#8217;t trust you, either! &#8211; What? &#8211; I can&#8217;t help it if I&#8217;m a Duchess. I can&#8217;t help it. &#8211; It&#8217;s not about you being a Duchess, it&#8217;s that you lied to me. &#8211; I&#8217;m sorry. &#8211; You lied to me! And then I hear all about this, and I&#8217;m like, wow! You really are everything! You&#8217;re so, you&#8217;re so much cooler than me, and I&#8217;m so used to dating<br \/>\nliteral disgusting farts! &#8211; Whoa!<br \/>\n&#8211; So disgusting. &#8211; Why am I catching strays? &#8211; Let me just be the quarterback, and let me throw you the ball, and you go to the (beeping) end zone. &#8211; Coach. &#8211; Tater, we&#8217;ve all been stuck in this small town for decades. You have a chance. You&#8217;re gonna be the best<br \/>\nwide receiver in college. You&#8217;re gonna go to Ol Miss. &#8211; Tater, don&#8217;t do it.<br \/>\n&#8211; You&#8217;re gonna change things. &#8211; Tater, don&#8217;t do it.<br \/>\n&#8211; And get a degree! &#8211; [Barney] Tater, we<br \/>\ncan get back together. &#8211; Become educated!<br \/>\n&#8211; I&#8217;m ready now, Tater. &#8211; Get out of this one horse town. &#8211; I&#8217;m ready to get back together, Tater. &#8211; Let&#8217;s get out of this town. &#8211; Get out of this town.<br \/>\n&#8211; Stay with me. I&#8217;m ready to get back together. &#8211; Are you ready?<br \/>\n&#8211; At the time. &#8211; Only if you&#8217;re dating Barney can you catch the touchdown. &#8211; What?<br \/>\n&#8211; You gotta date me. &#8211; What?<br \/>\n&#8211; Forget about Frite. Frite lied to you. I would never lie to you. I might have been mean sometimes, but I&#8217;d never lie to you. &#8211; Listen-<br \/>\n&#8211; Shut up! &#8211; I&#8217;ve been listening!<br \/>\n&#8211; Stop fighting! &#8211; I hate you!<br \/>\n&#8211; Do you not listen to Tater? That&#8217;s the problem, okay?<br \/>\n&#8211; That&#8217;s it! &#8211; Literally, Tater is-<br \/>\n(chair clatters) Thank you!<br \/>\n&#8211; That&#8217;s it! &#8211; I&#8217;ll be leaving with Tater! &#8211; Stop!<br \/>\n&#8211; Hey! Hey!<br \/>\n&#8211; Stop! Stop! Not before the game! Not before the state fair! I&#8217;m not with any of you! I need to be alone! At least until this potato<br \/>\nmess in this town is fixed! &#8211; Text me! &#8211; You forgot your sign, Tater! &#8211; Text me, Tater! Look, Tater&#8217;s gonna be back. They always come back. She always comes back. &#8211; I don&#8217;t know. Like, I understand that she told me, and that&#8217;s, so she didn&#8217;t really lie, &#8216;cause she ended up telling me. But she just hid it from me for so long, and you know when you<br \/>\ndon&#8217;t know somebody&#8217;s rich, and then later you find out they&#8217;re rich, and then everything changes? But like, I like when people are rich. I think it was just like, sorry, I&#8217;m hungry. &#8211; I thought she was okay with it. She seemed like she was. She seemed fine. But that&#8217;s Tater, like you just never know what she&#8217;s thinking, which<br \/>\nmakes her so beautiful. You know? Shut up! &#8211; Oh. &#8211; I swear to god, my<br \/>\nteam is gonna (beeping) demolish your team. &#8211; So you&#8217;re a Duchess? &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; That&#8217;s pretty cool. I&#8217;m just saying, we don&#8217;t really<br \/>\nknow each other, you know? &#8211; Look. &#8211; Okay, Barney. &#8211; You both are gonna have to<br \/>\nwork together to fix this. I understand you both hate each other. But this case is gonna require you guys to work together. You don&#8217;t solve it, it&#8217;s<br \/>\ngonna be both your heads. This town&#8217;s gone to absolute shit. &#8211; Who are you, Carmichael? Really? (Carlisle sighs) &#8211; Like I&#8217;d tell you. Look, you know who I am. I&#8217;m your worst nightmare, your greatest dream. Now get out there, or else I&#8217;m kicking you off the force. &#8211; That Carmichael guy, he (beeping) Goofy. Who was he? &#8211; Do you wanna go get,<br \/>\nlike, a spud or something? Hang out?<br \/>\n&#8211; Sure. Just don&#8217;t call me Duchess, okay? &#8211; Okay, I won&#8217;t. &#8211; It&#8217;s like kinda weird for me. &#8211; Duch, I&#8217;m kidding. I&#8217;m kidding. (laughing) (Frite chuckles) I&#8217;m kidding, let&#8217;s go.<br \/>\n&#8211; Stop. Idiot. &#8211; You stop.<br \/>\n&#8211; You stop. &#8211; No, you. (chuckles)<br \/>\n&#8211; You. &#8211; No, you.<br \/>\n&#8211; You. My plan of action, starting tomorrow, is to duel Barney. He tried to flirt with me, and for a second, I was<br \/>\nlike, what&#8217;s happening? Like normal instincts, whatever, guy with pencil (beeping),<br \/>\nwhich it&#8217;s true. You can tell. &#8211; Yeah, but I&#8217;m trying to<br \/>\nget on Frite&#8217;s good side, you know, so she&#8217;ll stop trying to keep Tater and myself from our true love. Our true love situationship. It&#8217;s meant to be. &#8211; I just need to be alone. There&#8217;s too many voices. People like me, I&#8217;m used to just working in a dying business with two people, two to four people a day, I talk to. This is too much. I need to be alone. (dramatic music) (bright upbeat music) The Spud Hut! (lively carnival music) &#8211; Okay, people. You excited? Are we excited? &#8211; Yes! &#8211; Today&#8217;s the day. It&#8217;s the Potato State Fair, and I&#8217;ve got a good<br \/>\nfeeling about this one. I think it&#8217;s gonna go my way. I think the Spud Hut&#8217;s<br \/>\ngonna come out on top. Tater, you excited? (Tater sighs) I said, &#8220;Tater, are you excited?&#8221; &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Tater, Tater. Look at me, come on. Are you excited, Tater? Hey, hey! This is what we&#8217;ve been training for! We&#8217;ve been waiting for<br \/>\nthis day right here! This is the Potato State Fair! If we do this, if we pull this off, we will be $100,000 richer. &#8211; I miss Carmie. &#8211; Let&#8217;s do this for Carmie. Okay?<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Let&#8217;s sell these potatoes, and let&#8217;s give these judges the best potatoes they&#8217;ve ever had! &#8211; How long have you been up working on this? &#8211; All night.<br \/>\n&#8211; Mm-hmm. It&#8217;s crazy. We had a lot of bonding moments that you didn&#8217;t get to see. &#8211; Full hands. Full potatoes.<br \/>\n&#8211; Full potatoes. Tummy empty.<br \/>\n&#8211; Can&#8217;t lose. &#8211; Us forever. &#8211; Remember those titans? I do. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; [Tater] The Spud Hut! (title splats) &#8211; I&#8217;ve done it. This is my masterpiece. &#8211; Sir, this is an abomination. &#8211; Yeah, really Peter, you went a little too far, like what? &#8211; What do you mean? &#8211; Captain, it is a self-replicating mass of potato life. I am personally offended! &#8211; Is that a foot? &#8211; It could be a foot, it could be a brain. For all I know-<br \/>\n&#8211; I think it&#8217;s- &#8211; This is its ass!<br \/>\n&#8211; I think it&#8217;s a head. (Frite sighs) I came up with this idea after our sexual harassment training, I thought, if we put them in the beach that makes you old, and just<br \/>\nsmash them all together, and got them to reproduce together, we can make the greatest potato ever. &#8211; That&#8217;s horrific! Do you not see how that&#8217;s a violation of potato rights? &#8211; I think it&#8217;s just another step in the evolution of potato. &#8211; Why didn&#8217;t we just go<br \/>\nwith the Valhalla potato? I thought it was selling well. &#8211; Captain has gone mad. &#8211; Because nobody likes Vikings anymore! Listen, you&#8217;re supposed to be on my team. You are my crew! And you are disparaging my masterpiece? &#8211; Sir, it looks like<br \/>\nyou asked if you could, and not if you should! And now you&#8217;ve created Frankenstein&#8217;s potato!<br \/>\n&#8211; Art. I&#8217;ve created art. I&#8217;ve created beauty. &#8211; Okay, permission to speak? It&#8217;s covered in sand. &#8211; I didn&#8217;t say yes. &#8211; It&#8217;s covered in sand. What are the judges gonna think? Like this is, it looks like<br \/>\na (beeping) sandcastle! &#8211; Why are you making me<br \/>\nsecond guess my masterpiece? We have to get it together. We have to be on the same page. &#8211; Okay, okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; We cannot let Spud Hut win with their &#8220;inside out potato&#8221;. &#8211; I don&#8217;t want to talk about Spud Hut. &#8211; Here they come, here they come. &#8211; All right, hey guys!<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh! &#8211; Hey.<br \/>\n&#8211; Hi! &#8211; Hey!<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh, wow! It&#8217;s you guys! &#8211; Spin, spin. &#8211; That&#8217;s the director from the commercial that you made mad. &#8211; Oh.<br \/>\n&#8211; We can hear you. &#8211; Who we got? &#8211; Hey, Tomey, how are you?<br \/>\n&#8211; Welcome to Spud Hut! &#8211; I&#8217;m good, how are you guys doing? &#8211; Wait, wait! Spud Hut! At the fair! &#8211; Spud Hut. &#8211; [Both] Spud Hut. (clapping and stomping) &#8211; [Tater] At the fair! &#8211; [Both] Spud hut! At the fair! &#8211; First thing, judges. &#8211; All right, so what do we, what&#8217;s going on? &#8211; We have decided it&#8217;s not the outside that counts, but it&#8217;s what&#8217;s on the inside that counts. These spuds have no toppings. We have put our toppings on<br \/>\nthe inside of the potato. We have made a stuffed potato! (dramatic music) Tell them how we did it. &#8211; Well, you see, the problem with potatoes being stuffed is there<br \/>\nalways has to be an opening, as it does for anything<br \/>\ntrying to get stuffed, am I right, haters? So basically, what we had to do was make sure the potato was still alive so it still had the healing<br \/>\nproperties of a plant. We divisected it, inserted sour cream, other toppings, and a secret ingredient that&#8217;s okay to eat, especially<br \/>\nif you have allergies. And then we let it heal<br \/>\nback up naturally overnight. &#8211; So let&#8217;s make the inside of this on the inside of you. &#8211; Hate how that&#8217;s phrased. But that sounds great. I&#8217;ll go ahead and take that. That&#8217;d be wonderful. &#8211; No, you won&#8217;t! Tater will give it to you!<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh. &#8211; Give it to &#8216;em, Tater. &#8211; [Augustus] Yeah, give it to &#8216;em. Stuff &#8216;em. &#8211; Thank you.<br \/>\n&#8211; Thanks. &#8211; And do you guys have utensils? &#8211; Uh, this is really more of a hand food. (Tater roars) &#8211; Uh.<br \/>\n&#8211; Jesus. &#8211; See? We put our hands into<br \/>\nevery part of this process. &#8211; What&#8217;s that smell? &#8211; Ooh, that is quite a smell. &#8211; Do you need me to rip yours open? &#8211; I don&#8217;t need that. But thank you so much.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh, you can have this one- &#8211; No!<br \/>\n&#8211; Boom! &#8211; All right. Well thank you for opening it up. &#8211; It&#8217;s really wet. &#8211; Yeah, it&#8217;s very slippery. You don&#8217;t &#8230; (title splats) &#8211; [Coroner] Who are you showing that to? &#8211; The people who have been<br \/>\nwith us the whole time. &#8211; All right. &#8211; Cheers, I guess. &#8211; All right, cheers. Good luck, everybody. Thanks for making a potato. &#8211; [Augustus] Oh, I hated, god, they ate at it like a little mouse. &#8211; Oh, oh. &#8211; Well?<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; That was pretty good. I&#8217;m gonna go finish this in the bathroom. &#8211; And I think I&#8217;m gonna<br \/>\nleave this with you. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; Thank you so much.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yes. We actually have a third one, if you wanted to-<br \/>\n&#8211; I&#8217;m good on potatoes. Great work. You can feel free to rip<br \/>\nthat open with your own hands again, if you like. I&#8217;ve got what I need to judge. I think we&#8217;re good to go. &#8211; Allow me to say one<br \/>\nmore thing before you go. Judge not, lest ye be judged. There&#8217;s some things that are in play that you know nothing about. We&#8217;ll see who the true victor is at the end of this day. &#8211; All right.<br \/>\n&#8211; Bye. \u266a I&#8217;m \u266a<br \/>\n&#8211; Quick! &#8211; We&#8217;ll see you at-<br \/>\n\u266a Jerry Spruce \u266a &#8211; Quick! &#8211; I don&#8217;t-<br \/>\n\u266a I&#8217;m Jerry Spruce \u266a \u266a I&#8217;m manager at the Spud Hut \u266a &#8211; Don&#8217;t need to sing.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh. &#8211; I know we&#8217;re freaks, but<br \/>\nthink about the potato first! We nailed it! &#8211; That was incredible! &#8211; Oh, you guys! &#8211; That was so good! &#8211; Yo.<br \/>\n&#8211; The way you- &#8211; What&#8217;s up, guys?<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh hey, Barney. &#8211; How you doing?<br \/>\n&#8211; I&#8217;m fine. &#8211; Is that a new potato costume? &#8211; No, it&#8217;s the same one I&#8217;m in everyday. Not even listening. &#8211; You just look really good, so. What&#8217;s up, guys? &#8211; Hi Barney, how&#8217;s it going?<br \/>\n&#8211; Don&#8217;t lie. &#8211; What?<br \/>\n&#8211; She looks normal. &#8211; How&#8217;d the potato judging go? &#8211; I think it&#8217;s safe to say, pretty well. &#8211; Well, with Tater on the job, you know, everything goes well, right? &#8211; That&#8217;s what they say. &#8211; So Tater, I was wondering if maybe you made up your mind yet on wanting to get back together? &#8211; I did. &#8211; Yeah? &#8211; Back up. If you don&#8217;t want me at my lowest, you can&#8217;t get me at my highest. &#8211; No, Tater, I do, I want you at every height, the lowest, and highest,<br \/>\nand the medium-est. &#8211; Dome this in one mouth, and I&#8217;ll be yours forever. &#8211; Do what in it in one mouth? &#8211; Dome it in one mouth! You heard her! &#8211; Dome it in one mouth.<br \/>\n&#8211; Dome it in one mouth? Tater, I just- &#8211; I knew it! Get out! &#8211; No, I&#8217;ll do anything else! I&#8217;ll do anything else! &#8211; You&#8217;re looking at my family right here. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; I like them. I thought we were all family. &#8211; Hey, Barney? I think she showed you the door, my guy. &#8211; Jerry, I thought we were cool. &#8211; We were cool, until<br \/>\nyou disrespected Tater over and over again, and now I&#8217;ve realized that my workers mean more to me than- &#8211; Listen to him!<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh my god, okay! &#8211; It&#8217;s hard for him to speak up! &#8211; No means no-bergine! &#8211; I swear, this is so hard for- (Augustus grunts) Oh my god!<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh, yeah! &#8211; No means no-bergine!<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah, get outta here! &#8211; Eh!<br \/>\n&#8211; No means no-bergine! &#8211; You&#8217;re out! You&#8217;re out! &#8211; Okay. &#8211; Yeah, that&#8217;s how you do it. &#8211; All right.<br \/>\n&#8211; For sure, if you did. &#8211; I love you!<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay, I love you, too. &#8211; And I like you sometimes. &#8211; You&#8217;re pretty good too, sometimes. &#8211; Yes, we&#8217;re gonna win!<br \/>\n&#8211; We&#8217;re gonna win! (Tater roaring)<br \/>\n(all grunting) &#8211; We&#8217;re gonna win, we&#8217;re gonna win! &#8211; Uh, uh! &#8211; We&#8217;re gonna win! (bright upbeat music) &#8211; Sir, I have to speak my mind. &#8211; [Frite] You are. &#8211; As a potato boy, I view this as a violation<br \/>\nof international law! &#8211; You are merely a step in the evolution. &#8211; God. &#8211; What? &#8211; This is only the next step. You are the beginning. &#8211; [Bob] This is what you<br \/>\nwanted to make me into? &#8211; Exactly. &#8211; Hello? &#8211; And you have disappointed me, because all you are is<br \/>\na little potato boy. &#8211; No! &#8211; This is beauty. &#8211; Sir, I wanna let you<br \/>\nknow that I will stand by your side while the judges<br \/>\nlook at your monstrosity. &#8211; Good. &#8211; But when they are done judging, I am quitting, and I am<br \/>\nturning in my last check. &#8211; Yes! Me too! Ditto! &#8211; Oh! &#8211; Judges. &#8211; Hello!<br \/>\n&#8211; Welcome to- &#8211; Ahoy!<br \/>\n&#8211; Potato Palace! &#8211; Ahoy, matey! The seas are with you today. &#8211; They sure are. Oh, the spudstons, that&#8217;s great. &#8211; I apologize, you&#8217;ve caught me at a particularly rough moment. Welcome to Potato Palace, where everyone is happy<br \/>\nand my employees love me. &#8211; Are you good? &#8211; We&#8217;re so good.<br \/>\n&#8211; I&#8217;m so good. &#8211; Welcome aboard! &#8211; Faced a couple setbacks, but I believe that I still<br \/>\nhave a chance at winning. &#8211; Please ignore the smell and sounds coming from our dish. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; Oh my god, sorry! &#8211; Mikey.<br \/>\n&#8211; You scared me. &#8211; Yam Yurt, Mikey here. &#8211; We know.<br \/>\n&#8211; We know. &#8211; Guys. Look. Shit&#8217;s going down over<br \/>\nat the Potato Palace. &#8211; What do you mean?<br \/>\n&#8211; What? &#8211; I told you, I warned you. I tried to warn you decades ago. &#8211; What? &#8211; They&#8217;re cheating. They&#8217;re putting the sands from<br \/>\nthe beach that makes you old into their potatoes to age them. &#8211; We know! You&#8217;re looking at the Spud Hut with a new coat of paint. Confidence is the color.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; You&#8217;re looking at the Spud Hut with a new soundtrack. Dope is what&#8217;s playing. &#8211; Augustus, your turn. The third. &#8211; My name is Augustus.<br \/>\n&#8211; Mm. &#8211; I&#8217;m 28 years young.<br \/>\n&#8211; That&#8217;s not it. &#8211; I didn&#8217;t come here for love, I came here to make friends. &#8211; Mm-kay. &#8211; You guys need to listen to me! (Mikey grunts) &#8211; Jesus!<br \/>\n&#8211; Hey! &#8211; Whoa, careful! &#8211; The Potato Palace potatoes, because of the sands that make you old- &#8211; We know, they&#8217;re big! &#8211; They&#8217;re now human-like, and now the potatoes can (beeping). &#8211; What?<br \/>\n&#8211; What do you mean? &#8211; And they (beeping) good, and now they&#8217;ve-<br \/>\n&#8211; No. &#8211; They&#8217;ve had a baby. They have a baby potato that&#8217;s now like a potato person. &#8211; No one taught them<br \/>\nabout safe potato sex. &#8211; Look, they didn&#8217;t know<br \/>\nthat I was watching them. I was undercover. &#8211; How can we beat potatoes that (beeping)? &#8211; Wait, they (beeping) good? &#8211; You can&#8217;t beat potatoes that (beeping). Nobody can beat potatoes that (beeping). (tense music) &#8211; Here are our delicious potatoes, and why don&#8217;t you see yourself overboard, and get on the life raft, and get yourself a potato? &#8211; Swim into our orgy of potato. &#8211; Cruise on down to our orgy of potato! &#8211; Wave on down to our salty seas. &#8211; And technically, this is a family, this is a family restaurant. &#8211; It&#8217;s really fun learning all this lore for a potato competition,<br \/>\nthank you so much. &#8211; I like feeling like I&#8217;m<br \/>\na part of this family. &#8211; Now what&#8217;s really important is if you could smell it, you could smell- &#8211; Excuse me! &#8211; You could smell the fornication that happened between all these potatoes. &#8211; Don&#8217;t put it in your mouth! &#8211; What did you just say? &#8211; I said you could smell the fornication that all these potatoes had. &#8211; Peter. &#8211; They&#8217;re kinda stinky. &#8211; I do have to legally warn both of you that despite it being made of 100% potato and other vegetarian ingredients, it is not, it is alive. &#8211; Oh my god, guys.<br \/>\n&#8211; So you&#8217;re saying- &#8211; Let&#8217;s just let them try it. &#8211; So your saying that this white stuff isn&#8217;t sour cream? &#8211; It&#8217;s whatever you want it to be. &#8211; It&#8217;s sour cream, for sure. &#8211; My potato orgy is, uh, it&#8217;s gonna be great. I&#8217;ll be fine. Even if I don&#8217;t win, I know I won in my heart. &#8211; Guys, I&#8217;m gonna be honest. Your confusion about what you&#8217;re offering to the competition is not a great- &#8211; What are we not making clear? &#8211; Whoa! &#8211; Captain.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; I&#8217;m, listen, I&#8217;m so sorry about this. We&#8217;re just-<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh no. No, no. Please, please.<br \/>\n&#8211; We&#8217;re shipwrecked right now, and we don&#8217;t know-<br \/>\n&#8211; Please, no. &#8211; A metaphor is not gonna help you. &#8211; Our captain had too much seawater. He doesn&#8217;t know what he&#8217;s saying. He&#8217;s having hallucinations right now. &#8211; I have scurvy, me mateys! What I made is art, and if you can&#8217;t appreciate that, then<br \/>\nyou shouldn&#8217;t be judges, you should fire yourselves and walk off. &#8211; Thank you guys so much for coming. &#8211; Thank you. &#8211; We loved having you aboard, and now we&#8217;re ready to dock. &#8211; Please, sail away, out of our orgy of potatoes. &#8211; Stop-<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh, we will be sailing. &#8211; Talking. &#8211; Is that-<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. &#8211; Is that sand on the? It&#8217;s very disgusting.<br \/>\n&#8211; It is sand. &#8211; They were weird.<br \/>\n&#8211; It is sand. &#8211; It is sand.<br \/>\n&#8211; They were weird. &#8211; And it is actively excreting. &#8211; Who cares about judges? We don&#8217;t need judges to win things. (bright upbeat music) &#8211; Tater, you gotta sabotage &#8216;em. &#8211; Me? &#8211; You gotta poison the potatoes! &#8211; I guess I have no ties to<br \/>\nthe Potato Palace any longer. I just wanna be able to<br \/>\nwin the game for the town. &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; The town.<br \/>\n&#8211; You got this. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; Dap him up. &#8211; You don&#8217;t wanna touch me. &#8211; Dap him up. &#8211; That sucked. &#8211; Hug me before I go. &#8211; I believe in you. &#8211; Okay, you got this.<br \/>\n&#8211; Thanks. &#8211; You&#8217;re inspiring.<br \/>\n&#8211; Set fire to the rain. &#8211; Thanks. &#8211; Hold on. Let me. &#8211; What is that? What is that? He&#8217;s doing- &#8211; Oh, he&#8217;s doing a Jutsu. &#8211; Okay, all right. &#8211; You have extra stealth for one hour. One hour. &#8211; I&#8217;m off! &#8211; You guys couldn&#8217;t even<br \/>\nsee that, could you? &#8211; Whoa, where&#8217;d she go? &#8211; Yup. &#8211; You know what, Peter? (beeping) you. &#8211; Yeah, that was really (beeping). &#8211; And potato boy? &#8211; Me? &#8211; (beeping) you. &#8211; What did I (beeping) do? &#8211; You (beeping) copied him, and you made us look weird!<br \/>\n&#8211; Hold on, hold on! Hold on! &#8211; I didn&#8217;t know what to do! I didn&#8217;t know what to do! &#8211; You said you had a wife! &#8211; I know, I felt like<br \/>\nmaybe they were into, like, the family! &#8211; You&#8217;re not even saying,<br \/>\n&#8220;Permission to speak freely&#8221;! &#8211; I don&#8217;t care! I don&#8217;t want your permission anymore! You (beeping) my life! You (beeping) my relationship with Tater! I&#8217;m done! (sign clatters)<br \/>\n(Peter gasps) Mic drop! That is disgusting! (Bob sniffles) Don&#8217;t laugh. &#8211; Don&#8217;t look. There&#8217;s nothing under that potato outfit. &#8211; Oh, no, there&#8217;s not. &#8211; I&#8217;m wearing shorts, sickos! (both screaming) What are you doing? &#8211; Shh! &#8211; What? What? &#8211; Oh, shit! I was coming- &#8211; Your hair. &#8211; Does it look bad? &#8211; No, it&#8217;s fine. &#8211; I know, it sticks out, more like this. &#8211; Don&#8217;t pull mine out further. I didn&#8217;t say you could touch me. &#8211; Sorry. Dammit! Why do I have to be a<br \/>\npart of the Spud Hut? I was coming to ruin your potato. I heard it&#8217;s huge. &#8211; Just do it, ruin it. I don&#8217;t care. I&#8217;m over Peter. He&#8217;s gone psycho! &#8211; Who&#8217;s Peter? &#8211; Peter Parker. &#8211; Oh, gay milkman. &#8211; He&#8217;s not. Sure, whatever, he&#8217;s gay. He&#8217;s fine, I don&#8217;t care. &#8211; That&#8217;s not the point.<br \/>\n&#8211; It&#8217;s really not the point. &#8211; It&#8217;s the milkman part.<br \/>\n&#8211; It&#8217;s the milkman part, yeah. He loves that outfit. He sleeps in it. Anyways, I gave you space, &#8216;cause you said you needed space. &#8211; How have you been? &#8211; Great. (soft music) &#8211; Say what you&#8217;ve been<br \/>\nthinking about on three. One, two, three. Tractors.<br \/>\n&#8211; Hats with feathers on it. &#8211; Did you say hats with feathers on it? &#8211; Yeah. I&#8217;m in like a theatrical place in my head. &#8211; And I said tractors. Do you just wanna get the hell outta here? &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; My coworker, Augustus, did some weird, like, Yu-Gi-Oh shit on me. I&#8217;m just feeling so confident. And you look so beautiful<br \/>\nin this Democratic light. Let&#8217;s get outta here! &#8211; Thanks, I&#8217;m on the right side. Well, I&#8217;m on the left side. I really like you.<br \/>\n&#8211; Me too. &#8211; You know what that makes me feel like? &#8211; What? &#8211; Confessing something.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay, confess it. Say it, what&#8217;s on your mind? &#8211; When I laugh really hard, I fart. (both laughing) Isn&#8217;t that insane? &#8211; I&#8217;ll say something.<br \/>\n&#8211; Say something. &#8211; Sometimes I itch my<br \/>\n(beeping) in this costume. And people think it&#8217;s a wedgie, but I&#8217;m actually just<br \/>\nitching my (beeping). (both snickering) &#8211; That&#8217;s super gross. &#8211; So is you farting in<br \/>\nthat costume and liking it. &#8211; I know, you&#8217;re actually right. I&#8217;m Dutch ovening myself. &#8211; I love Dutch ovening.<br \/>\n&#8211; Me too! &#8211; Oh my god!<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh my god! &#8211; I lift the blankets over and just soak it all in-<br \/>\n&#8211; I know! (Frite sniffing) &#8211; It&#8217;s awesome. Hey. Tater? &#8211; Frite? &#8211; What do you say that we<br \/>\nleave behind this potato life? Oh god, it&#8217;s so hard with butter. &#8211; So hard with my headphones. They&#8217;re also really not<br \/>\nplugged into anything. I&#8217;ve never told anyone that before. (both gasping) &#8211; Whoa! I didn&#8217;t know you had that, too! Are you a sea girl? &#8211; I love the sea! &#8211; Me too! &#8211; I&#8217;ve never met anyone who loves the sea! &#8211; Me neither! (Tater sighs) &#8211; It&#8217;s been a wild ride. &#8211; It&#8217;s crazy. I&#8217;m gonna call you babe. &#8211; Oh my god, I&#8217;m gonna call you Frite. &#8211; I like that boundary. &#8211; Not a boundary, just a preference. (Frite laughs) &#8211; Sir, permission to speak? &#8211; Go ahead. &#8211; Sir, as captain, I<br \/>\nbelieve it is your duty to go down with this ship. But me as your first mate, I believe I have a right<br \/>\nto find a life raft. (Peter gasps) I ask permission to leave this vessel. (Peter sighing) &#8211; I knew this day would come. That I would need to let<br \/>\nmy son spread his wings and leave the nest. Promise me. Promise me you&#8217;ll be a good potato. &#8211; I&#8217;ll be the best potato I can. &#8211; Then go.<br \/>\n&#8211; Thank you, sir. &#8211; Go, I said go! &#8211; Thank you, sir! I&#8217;m gonna go the way that Frite did, &#8216;cause it kinda looked fun. Don&#8217;t look up my pants.<br \/>\n&#8211; Hold on, hold on. Do you have Spotify? &#8211; Yeah, do you need a password? &#8211; No, can you, um, pull up the song that they play- &#8211; Oh, by Dodie? &#8211; No, when the Titanic&#8217;s going down, and the guy&#8217;s playing on the violin? \u266a I will go down \u266a &#8211; No, no, no, no, no. &#8211; I haven&#8217;t seen the movie. &#8211; Forget it.<br \/>\n&#8211; Okay. Well, goodbye, sir. (Tater gasps)<br \/>\n(Frite screams) Whoa, whoa!<br \/>\n(Frite yelps) There&#8217;s a lotta room back here! Ugh, it smells like farts and ass. &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Oh, you both are sea girls? &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; That&#8217;s kinda cute. &#8211; [Tomey] And we have a winner! (crowd cheering and clapping)<br \/>\n(all gasp) &#8211; Quick!<br \/>\n&#8211; Let&#8217;s go! &#8211; Dolphins! (bright upbeat music) &#8211; Everyone, let&#8217;s come off<br \/>\nof our stations up here. Hello, everyone. I&#8217;m so honored to have judged the 69th annual Potato<br \/>\nState Fair competition. Some great submissions. Thank you, everybody. And without further ado, it&#8217;s<br \/>\ntime to announce our winner. &#8211; Losing my two most loyal employees has been a great blow to my inner prize, but I believe that the<br \/>\nproduct will speak for itself, and I believe that I can still win, and I believe that I will win. &#8211; Wait! What you said really resonated<br \/>\nwith my potato heart. I can&#8217;t go on and be proud of myself if I don&#8217;t reveal a truth. Captain, my captain? Sir Peter Parker, my<br \/>\nfather mother birther. &#8211; What are you doing? Bob, don&#8217;t, please. &#8211; Everyone! I have to reveal to you,<br \/>\nI am not a real boy! I&#8217;m kind of a real boy. I&#8217;m a potato. This is my true story. I was born nothing but a Yukon. My father, Peter Parker,<br \/>\ntook my small, frail body, put me in the sand that makes you old, and I was born. I was born happy. I was born go lucky! I was born dreaming of a future where I could spread potato love! But I&#8217;ve learned a sad truth<br \/>\nin my 32 years on this earth. &#8211; 32?<br \/>\n&#8211; Called it. &#8211; Being a boy is bad. Being a human is bad! It leads to pain in the heart! It leads to pain in the brain! And I wanna let each of you know here, right now in this moment, I&#8217;m done. I&#8217;m done being mashed. I&#8217;m done being baked, I&#8217;m<br \/>\ndone being fully loaded! I now will return to my true form. &#8211; Are you carrying a gun? &#8211; Goodbye, mortal coil!<br \/>\n&#8211; What&#8217;s happening? (Bob screaming) &#8211; Get down!<br \/>\n(all screaming) (Bob grunting)<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh shit, oh shit. Oh shit. &#8211; I&#8217;m not done, I&#8217;m not done. Oh, it hurts. It hurts, it hurts! Oh, it hurts!<br \/>\n&#8211; You&#8217;re gonna get a hernia. &#8211; Oh my god! Oh, I shouldn&#8217;t have done this! (all screaming)<br \/>\n&#8211; Ow! &#8211; Special effects! (all gasping)<br \/>\nPotato boy? &#8211; Oh my-<br \/>\n&#8211; What? &#8211; [Tater] I thought he had a gun. &#8211; [Augustus] I do. &#8211; My baby boy! &#8211; Oh my god, he was a potato. Oh my god! Bob was a potato? Okay, he said it, and I was like, dude, what are you talking about? I&#8217;m stunned! &#8211; That was crazy. That, I think, was the biggest<br \/>\nreveal of the whole thing. &#8211; It&#8217;s insane. Like, he&#8217;s like, he&#8217;s like snatched, but I was like, you&#8217;re a potato? &#8211; Bob! &#8211; What did you do? &#8211; I never thought I knew love. Especially not with this bitch. But-<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh! &#8211; Bob, you were a great spud son. I&#8217;ll see you in the next life. &#8211; Oh.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; Be free!<br \/>\n(dreamy music) &#8211; Oh.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh my god. &#8211; Whoa!<br \/>\n&#8211; Wow. &#8211; Bye, Bob. &#8211; I don&#8217;t know what&#8217;s going on anymore. &#8211; I&#8217;m bored. (Jerry making vibrating sounds) (Jerry makes vibrating sounds) Oh, sorry, my dang phone. (Jerry makes vibrating sound) I&#8217;m getting so many<br \/>\nnotifications right now. &#8211; Excuse me. (all gasping) Excuse me. &#8211; [All] Thomas Sanders? &#8211; Thomas Sanders! &#8211; I don&#8217;t know what the hell all that is, but, um, can I just get a<br \/>\nphoto with you real quick? &#8211; With me? &#8211; Yeah, I showed up because, dude, I order from Spud Hut all the time, and I&#8217;m just a really big fan. &#8211; I&#8217;ve never seen you in the store. &#8211; Well no, it&#8217;s all over online. You are memed-<br \/>\n&#8211; Online? &#8211; To oblivion out there, my man. &#8211; What?<br \/>\n(Tater shrieks) How is that possible? &#8211; Yeah, yeah. Just one more real quick. &#8211; I&#8217;ll be happy to explain that situation. &#8211; What?<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; If you remember, the local commercial that we never quite finished. I wasn&#8217;t just interrupting things. I was planting stuff in the back. Remember the numbers, 192.168.69.420. Nice. That is an IP address people could fill in to be taken to a Reddit page, a seemingly normal Reddit page, unless they entered the number two, being held up by the mascot<br \/>\nthat I drew, Jadimo-chan. If they entered the number two- &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; It takes them to an ordering page. &#8211; An ordering page. &#8211; This is an ARG, an<br \/>\nalternate reality game. &#8211; ARG.<br \/>\n&#8211; Of course. &#8211; Only all the rage on<br \/>\nthat there internets. And I&#8217;ve been fulfilling<br \/>\nthe orders at night. &#8211; Took me 54 hours. &#8211; Slathering them in butter. You were one of the first to solve it. &#8211; Absolutely.<br \/>\n&#8211; But you&#8217;re not the last. &#8211; Nope. &#8211; How many orders? &#8211; 258,691. &#8211; Oh my!<br \/>\n(Tater shrieking) Oh my god! (Frite yelping)<br \/>\nOh, oh! &#8211; Yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; Tater! &#8211; I don&#8217;t sleep much. &#8211; Augustus! You did this for the Spud Hut? &#8211; I did it for the love of food. I go where I&#8217;m needed, or sometimes, just<br \/>\nkinda where I feel like. But I knew that the love of food was in your heart. I was pretty surprised<br \/>\nthat a lot of people didn&#8217;t pick up on the clues. I thought it was very obvious. There are so many ARGs<br \/>\nout there these days. &#8211; I didn&#8217;t think he was doing it! I thought he was a little weird, I thought he was a little off, but this whole time,<br \/>\nhe&#8217;s just misunderstood? He was doing all that for us? Oh, man. Oh man, I mean, I gotta tell my wife! I gotta tell Sarah! I can&#8217;t thank you enough. &#8211; You can try. &#8211; Do you want a hug?<br \/>\n&#8211; Sure. &#8211; Okay. &#8211; You have withstood the smell, which means you have withstood my test. May the food be bountiful<br \/>\nto you for many years. Oh shit, you&#8217;re from the potato suit. &#8211; Oh my god! &#8211; Is it true?<br \/>\n&#8211; It&#8217;s true! &#8211; The Spud Hut is popular? &#8211; Yeah! &#8211; So many memes. So many memes. Deez Spuds. Uh, the lady screaming at the cat, but instead of the cat, it&#8217;s a potato. &#8211; Potato! &#8211; You&#8217;re on my Spudify Wrapped. Yeah. &#8211; Did you know that<br \/>\nthere&#8217;s still some stuff that people haven&#8217;t solved? Nobody actually figured out<br \/>\nany of the Kabayo stuff. &#8211; It&#8217;s amazing. You&#8217;re incredible. &#8211; Well, thank you! If you want a free spud sometime, it&#8217;s on the house! &#8211; I gotta go.<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh, okay. &#8211; Thank you, everybody!<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah! &#8211; Appreciate it. &#8211; Thank you, Thomas!<br \/>\n&#8211; Bye, Thomas Sanders! &#8211; Bye, Thomas Sanders-<br \/>\n&#8211; Thank you, Thomas! &#8211; From the internet! &#8211; Bye! &#8211; I&#8217;ll never forget you.<br \/>\n&#8211; Who was that? &#8211; We&#8217;re rich. So where&#8217;s the money? &#8211; I&#8217;ve been hiding it in<br \/>\nthe walls of your suit. &#8211; Of what?<br \/>\n&#8211; Of this potato suit. &#8211; Where&#8217;s the potato suit? &#8211; My potato suit?<br \/>\n&#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Where&#8217;s the potato, Tater? &#8211; You put the money in the potato suit? &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; What? Where is it? Where&#8217;s the suit? Come on! &#8211; It&#8217;s in the politician wall. &#8211; The politician wall!<br \/>\n&#8211; The politician what? &#8211; All right, uh, hi! Hey. I&#8217;d love to wrap it up. &#8211; Oh yeah, yeah.<br \/>\n&#8211; But that&#8217;s fine. I think where I left off before<br \/>\na man turned into a potato. &#8211; Yeah. &#8211; Was, and with that! Our winner today. Please take it away. &#8211; The winner is Barney. &#8211; Oh my god!<br \/>\n&#8211; What? &#8211; (beeping) yes! &#8211; What?<br \/>\n&#8211; That&#8217;s some bullshit. &#8211; He&#8217;s not even a-<br \/>\n&#8211; What? &#8211; It&#8217;s not even a potato! This is a travesty. And someone will pay for this. In blood. Sooner rather than later. &#8211; Congratulations, Barney! Come on over here!<br \/>\n(Barney cheering) &#8211; What? &#8211; Here you go.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yes! &#8211; How is that possible? What was your dish? &#8211; My dish was, uh, gratin aubergine, which is surprising that I won, because it doesn&#8217;t have<br \/>\nany potatoes in it. &#8211; Jerry, this isn&#8217;t okay.<br \/>\n&#8211; No! &#8211; This can&#8217;t be happening.<br \/>\n&#8211; This is blasphemous! &#8211; I got the cash suit! &#8211; Oh! &#8211; Pencil dick won? &#8211; Can we please stop for a second? &#8216;Cause I&#8217;d really actually<br \/>\nlike to take this moment to say something, I<br \/>\ndon&#8217;t know, considerate, an acceptance speech, if that&#8217;s okay. I just, this has been a really<br \/>\ncrazy experience for me. Yeah, I mean, it&#8217;s made me realize how I&#8217;ve been really awful to<br \/>\nsome of the people in my life. I think that I&#8217;ve really, I&#8217;ve never felt like I&#8217;ve been enough, for my family, my dad, he&#8217;s<br \/>\nbeen really hard on me. And I feel really awful about<br \/>\nhow I treated you, Tater. (bright emotional music) And you as well, Frite.<br \/>\n&#8211; Let&#8217;s kill him. &#8211; [Barney] I have a lot of insecurities that I&#8217;ve been projecting. And I-<br \/>\n&#8211; I&#8217;m in. &#8211; I really care about you, Tater, and I just-<br \/>\n&#8211; What? &#8211; Want you to be happy.<br \/>\n&#8211; I said I&#8217;m in. &#8211; I&#8217;m sorry for trying to<br \/>\nbreak you and Frite up, because it seems like this is really hard, but it&#8217;s also really amazing. &#8211; I can&#8217;t believe he&#8217;s still talking. &#8211; Expect forgiveness. But I guess if you could<br \/>\nfind it in your heart somewhere to forgive me, I&#8217;d, um, I&#8217;d appreciate that. &#8211; Thanks.<br \/>\n&#8211; Thank you. &#8211; All right, Barney, let&#8217;s get your pic. Here. &#8211; We need to kill him now. &#8211; Don&#8217;t you worry, you guys. You just leave everything to me. &#8211; Say cheese.<br \/>\n&#8211; Uh, what do you mean? &#8211; He may have made a delicious meal, but I&#8217;ll be making his just desserts. &#8211; Still don&#8217;t understand. &#8211; Do you remember the<br \/>\npart of the commercial we all watched and enjoyed that I said nobody solved yet? Well, let&#8217;s just say, if we vote on whether<br \/>\nor not he&#8217;s gonna live, my vote is nay. (chuckling) &#8211; I&#8217;m not following you.<br \/>\n&#8211; So- &#8211; Just watch for a (beeping) second. &#8211; Okay, wow.<br \/>\n&#8211; Jesus! &#8211; Oh, okay. (all screaming)<br \/>\n(horse whinnying) (all screaming)<br \/>\n(kicks thudding) &#8211; Oh my god!<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh my god! (all screaming)<br \/>\n(horse whinnying) &#8211; Poor Barney. I can&#8217;t get over seeing the hooves. &#8211; Ugh. &#8211; Over and over and over. &#8211; Yeah, I guess you could pretty much say I saved the day, but I don&#8217;t<br \/>\nwant to call me a hero. You can. Go on, do it. Go on. (all screaming) &#8211; Oh no, jeez! &#8211; Barney, my love! &#8211; Oh no!<br \/>\n&#8211; Barney, my love! Barney! &#8211; Oh man!<br \/>\n&#8211; Barney! &#8211; Well, as I said, there was one part of the commercial no one had solved. All the clues about a horse. You see, that stealth<br \/>\npower you felt earlier, I do have some certain abilities, and one of them may be that I can control horses with my mind once. &#8211; I think he&#8217;s saying<br \/>\nhe has equestrianesis. &#8211; But only once.<br \/>\n&#8211; Once. &#8211; Once.<br \/>\n&#8211; One time. &#8211; Once. (Tater makes buzzing sound) &#8211; Oh. &#8211; Oh, your phone&#8217;s ringing. &#8211; Oh. Oh, is it yours or mine? &#8211; No, I don&#8217;t have my phone. &#8211; Hello? Yeah. Uh-huh. Oh! Okay. Yeah, I&#8217;ll tell him. I love you, too. Bye. Okay, stop. Stop. Babe, stop. Seriously. Okay. It was the horse! (dramatic music)<br \/>\n(horse whinnying) He&#8217;s coming back! (all screaming)<br \/>\n&#8211; Let&#8217;s go! Let&#8217;s go!<br \/>\n&#8211; Shit! &#8211; I may or may not be<br \/>\nable to fix that one. &#8211; Oh shit. &#8211; Did I use it before, or do I still have it in the chamber? &#8211; Um, I&#8217;m gonna go. &#8211; You should run for sure. (dramatic music) &#8211; Well, this is what I wrote. Barney can&#8217;t really call<br \/>\nhimself a (beeping) boy &#8216;cause he&#8217;s never gotten (beeping). I mean, he is an eggplant,<br \/>\nso it checks out. He&#8217;s got no meat. He literally got rejected<br \/>\nby a freak named Tater. He only won because I hate everybody else somehow a little more than him, but honestly, I change my mind often, so. I wish that costume covered his face, &#8216;cause that&#8217;s honestly harder to look at. It&#8217;s a cute sign, but is that what he uses as a replacement instead of his (beeping)? He&#8217;s not vulnerable, it&#8217;s<br \/>\npronounced insufferable. He&#8217;s feeling insecure lately? That makes me feel sad that he ever had the audacity to feel secure. Okay, fine, so he&#8217;s the penis. I guess that makes Bob the (beeping). Speaking of Bob, potato, human, his story is uninteresting either way. He also interrupted us when we were trying to announce the winner, so I&#8217;m glad he&#8217;s dead. (dramatic music) I don&#8217;t know. Whatever. &#8211; Listen, Frite. I know I hate you right now, and I&#8217;ll hate you forever, but this near death<br \/>\nexperience made me realize I can&#8217;t do this without you. (Frite sighs) Please come back.<br \/>\n&#8211; Peter- &#8211; Come back to Potato Palace. &#8211; Peter, you screamed at me. &#8211; Yeah, you deserved it, because you&#8217;re a bitch.<br \/>\n&#8211; (beeping) you. &#8211; (beeping) you. &#8211; (beeping) you!<br \/>\n&#8211; (beeping) you! &#8211; Fine. I&#8217;ll come back.<br \/>\n&#8211; Yes! &#8211; But you have to pay me more. &#8211; Oh. &#8211; And I&#8217;m with Tater. No exceptions. &#8211; Okay, you get a 25 cent raise. And you get to hold hands with Tater. &#8211; I&#8217;ll come back, Peter. And I guess you&#8217;re forgiven, but I never forget. I&#8217;m like an elephant. &#8211; Hmm. &#8211; Boy, what a day. Uh, managed to get a picture with Jerry. I&#8217;m gonna be selling it online today. Best day ever, honestly. That horse did kill my dad, though. &#8211; Today was a really good day. &#8211; The Spud Hut! (bright upbeat music) (Frite humming) Honey, are you done with your shift? &#8211; Hi, babe! I&#8217;m done with my shift. &#8211; [Tater] Chive had a<br \/>\ngreat day in daycare today. &#8211; Hi, Chivey! Are you ready to go home with your mamas? Oh, he&#8217;s so cute. &#8211; Are you ready for dinner? I have a nice potato<br \/>\nleek soup on the stove. &#8211; My favorite. Let&#8217;s go, little Chive. (Tater sighs) &#8211; I love this place. Such good memories. &#8211; Yeah, so-<br \/>\n&#8211; Oh. &#8211; Excuse me. &#8211; Excuse me. &#8211; I&#8217;m working. No, Chief, listen, trust me. I&#8217;m onto something. This is just the beginning. He hung up. (dramatic music) (bright upbeat music)<br \/>\n<br \/>\nIt&#8217;s Friday, get your spuds out. BECOME A MEMBER for exclusive Spud Hut cut for time scenes and bloopers! https:\/\/youtube.com\/@smosh\/join<\/p>\n<p>0:00 Episode 1: A Smosh Sitcom<br \/>\n29:00 Episode 2: Our Marketing Sucks<br \/>\n49:36 Episode 3: Undercover Spud<br \/>\n1:25:56 Episode 4: What If We Kissed?<br \/>\n2:22:01 Episode 5: The Finale<\/p>\n<p>SUBSCRIBE: https:\/\/smo.sh\/Sub2Smosh<\/p>\n<p>WEAR OUR JOKES: https:\/\/smosh.com<\/p>\n<p>WHO YOU SEE<br \/>\nIan Hecox \/\/ https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/ianhecox\/<br \/>\nAnthony Padilla \/\/ https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/anthonypadilla\/<br \/>\nShayne Topp \/\/ https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/shaynetopp\/<br \/>\nDamien Haas \/\/ https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/damienhaas\/<br \/>\nOlivia Sui \/\/ https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/oliviasui\/<br \/>\nKeith Leak Jr. \/\/ https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/keithleakjr\/<br \/>\nNoah Grossman \/\/ https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/noahgrossman214\/<br \/>\nAmanda Lehan-Canto \/\/ https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/filmingamanda\/<br \/>\nTommy Bowe \/\/ https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/tomeybones\/<br \/>\nSpencer Agnew \/\/ https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/spennser\/<br \/>\nChanse McCrary \/\/ https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/phatchanse\/<br \/>\nAngela Giarratana \/\/ https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/angelagiovanagiarratana\/<br \/>\nArasha Lalani \/\/ https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/arashalalani_\/<br \/>\nTrevor Evarts \/\/ https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/trevorevarts\/<\/p>\n<p>WHO YOU DON\u2019T SEE (usually)<br \/>\nDirector: Erin Dougal<br \/>\nEditor: Alyssa Salter<br \/>\nProducer: Anthony Padilla, Ian Hecox<br \/>\nChannel Director, Smosh Main: Anthony Padilla, Ian Hecox<br \/>\nProducer, Smosh Main: Erin Dougal<br \/>\nAssociate Producer: Emily Parker<br \/>\nProduction Designer: Cassie Vance<br \/>\nArt Director: Erin Kuschner<br \/>\nAssistant Art Director: Josie Bellerby<br \/>\nArt Coordinator: Alex Aguilar<br \/>\nProp Master: Courtney Chapman<br \/>\nArt Intern: Abby Schmidt<br \/>\nAudio Mixer: Scott Neff<br \/>\nAudio Utility: Matt Taylor<br \/>\nDirector of Photography: Brennan Iketani<br \/>\nCamera Operator: James Hull<br \/>\nCamera Operator: Erin Wann<br \/>\nCamera Operator: Macy Armstrong<br \/>\nGaffer: Trent Turner<br \/>\nAssistant Director: Alexcina Figueroa<br \/>\nExecutive Vice President of Production: Amanda Barnes<br \/>\nProduction Manager: Alexcina Figueroa<br \/>\nProduction Coordinator: Zianne Hoover<br \/>\nOperations &#038; Production Coordinator: Oliver Wehlander<br \/>\nProduction Assistant: Quincy Bell<br \/>\nProduction Intern: Caroline Smith<br \/>\nPost Production Manager: Luke Baker<br \/>\nDIT\/Lead AE: Matt Duran<br \/>\nIT: Tim Baker<br \/>\nDirector of Design: Brittany Hobbs<br \/>\nGraphic Designers: Ness Cardano, Monica Ravitch<br \/>\nSenior Manager, Channel &#038; Strategy: Lizzy Jones<br \/>\nChannel Operations Coordinator: Audrey Carganilla<br \/>\nDirector of Social Media: Erica Noboa<br \/>\nSocial Creative Producer: Peter Ditzler, Tommy Bowe<br \/>\nMerchandising Manager: Mallory Myers<br \/>\nSocial Media Coordinator: Kim Wilborn<br \/>\nSocial Media Intern: Mailyn Stiffler<br \/>\nTalent Coordinator: Selina Garcia<br \/>\nPeople Operations Specialist: Katie Fink<br \/>\nFront Office Assistant: Sara Faltersack<br \/>\nCEO: Alessandra Catanese<br \/>\nEVP of Programming: Kiana Parker<br \/>\nCoordinating Producer of Programming: Marcus Munguia<br \/>\nExecutive Coordinator: Rachel Collis<\/p>\n<p>OTHER SMOSHES:<br \/>\nSmosh Pit: https:\/\/smo.sh\/Sub2SmoshPit<br \/>\nSmosh Games: https:\/\/smo.sh\/Sub2SmoshGames<br \/>\nSmoshCast: https:\/\/smo.sh\/Sub2SmoshCast<\/p>\n<p>FOLLOW US:<br \/>\nTikTok: https:\/\/smo.sh\/TikTok<br \/>\nInstagram: https:\/\/instagram.com\/smosh<br \/>\nFacebook: https:\/\/facebook.com\/smosh<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sput Hut: The Full Series (soft funereal music) &#8211; It&#8217;s so weird that we&#8217;re having the funera<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":1841468,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[593415],"tags":[948239,948240,948241,135,948489,948497,3735,191229,3696,948495,948488,948496,877052,25054,191216,118000,948494,948493,51044,948490,395648,948491,395647,948492,408892,431022,9,30213],"class_list":{"0":"post-1841467","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-2025-summer","8":"tag-2025-summer","9":"tag-2025-summer-anime","10":"tag-948241","11":"tag-anime","12":"tag-anthony-and-ian","13":"tag-anthony-padilla","14":"tag-comedy","15":"tag-comedy-sketches","16":"tag-funny","17":"tag-funny-sketches","18":"tag-ian-and-anthony","19":"tag-ian-hecox","20":"tag-sand-land-the-series","21":"tag-sketch","22":"tag-sketch-comedy","23":"tag-skit","24":"tag-skit-comedy","25":"tag-smoosh","26":"tag-smosh","27":"tag-smosh-anthony","28":"tag-smosh-games","29":"tag-smosh-ian","30":"tag-smosh-pit","31":"tag-smush","32":"tag-stand-up","33":"tag-stand-up-comedy","34":"tag-9","35":"tag-30213"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wacoca.com\/anime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1841467","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wacoca.com\/anime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wacoca.com\/anime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wacoca.com\/anime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wacoca.com\/anime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1841467"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.wacoca.com\/anime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1841467\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wacoca.com\/anime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1841468"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wacoca.com\/anime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1841467"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wacoca.com\/anime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1841467"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wacoca.com\/anime\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1841467"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}