There are plenty of friends that we look up to. Whether it’s from the personality they have or from the talents that they possess. They have qualities that we believe to have lack in ourselves, so it becomes natural that we want to do similar things. However, that aspiration can quickly turn into something obsessive if you’re not careful. That’s especially the case if you are at your most vulnerable. Obsessive feelings can easily turn a friendship sour and have a long term affect on both parties. That’s what Bertie had to deal with in Tuca and Bertie’s episode: Screech Leeches.
All opinions are my own and should not affect your own about the topic being discussed.
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0:00 Intro
0:39 Bertie’s relationship with Muriel
2:14 The X-ray Machine
3:41 Lack of communication
5:42 Meeting Muriel
7:02 Muriel’s Reception
9:02 The start of the Process
11:14 Sacrifices
13:55 The Kiss
16:21 The Stalker
18:17 Gothiest
20:41 The Misunderstanding
21:45 Overall
43 Comments
Has there been moments we you were obsessed with a friend?
Now I never expected to find a video that related so much to one of my experiences. Miriel is so similar to a person I was in a situationship with back in high school. Like if she was real, I'm pretty sure they would be dating sicne my ex preferred goths🤣🤣
Now thing is that at the end when you said that Miriel used Birdie as a filler, I realized my ex from high school probably did the same by using me as a shield against a girl who was obsessing over how they wanted to make out with them. Now I'm not sure if it is true, but it could be a possibility since they stated I was never their type and they just wanted to have some fun for a while which back then broke me since I didn't know about situationships casual dates etc. Yes they did state it in the beginning, but not clearly. And the way they spoke to me, and how much it implied that I had an importance in their life, was really out of character for a person with the characteristics I previously described.
You can be a nice person and a teenager. It's possible. Believe me. Hormones are rough, but they don't give you leeway to be an asshole. Inexperience can excuse a lot, but regardless of age, everyone is fragile all the time, you just get better at hiding it the older you get. It gets to the point where people don't expect you to cry when someone dies. It gets to the point where people can insult you to your face, and you're expected to swallow it down and smile, because that's the 'adult' thing to do. It can get to the point where people write off any negative emotion you show as hormonal even if, say, you're dealing with a cancer scare or an emotionally abusive husband. Teenagers are just inexperienced people. They have real problems and valid feelings. We need to stop treating them like infants, because that treatment is just going to follow them for the rest of their lives. If they have a problem, listen. (If they have a break-up, it's a big deal to them, it's not just teenage romance.) If they fuck up, call them out. (If they yell abuses at you, don't just stand there and take it. Make them apologize and make amends.) Treat them more like the adults they're becoming.
This episode got way personal for me. I was Bertie. I would get reached out to by someone, they’d be nice And I’d think they were my new best friends and I’d want to be around them all the time, look up what they tell me they like and try and get into it. I wanted to be like them. But all of a sudden they’d slowly just stop hanging around me. At first a hi, then straight up ignoring me when I say hi to their face. I felt like such a loser
18:00 I've been in the bats shoes and you gotta consider the fact there's also fear . By that point its already to far but it's hard to notice it before. Honest rejection does infact lead to worse situations, trying to be subtle feels like the only option but truly the only option is to ignore them and avoid them as much as possible
Happened to many times instead of justa kiss it was sexual harasment frankly thatz how i felt about my current bf until i overcame that obsessive tendency tho i am still working on co-dependency
Is that a guitar cover of Pink + White in the "Overall" section?
I relate a lot to Bertie in this situation, albeit my experiences aren’t the same. I know I outright copied a friend before but I was like. 11. So I’m not too hung up over it, even if I feel bad for trying to do their thing 😭 It was because I looked up to them and thought they were really cool, and didn’t understand I was totally fine doing my own thing.
But in high school I was fresh out of a traumatic experience and really lost my sense of self. Without really meaning to I mirrored the people around me, took up their interests to feel close to them, reflected their behaviors subconsciously, and just generally acted in a way I thought would make them like me, at least enough to keep me around. Especially so for a very toxic and abusive relationship I ended up getting involved with. There was a lot of hot and cold, lovebombing and attention and then sudden distance. And yeah. You get obsessive. Especially when that codependency is fostered, you think you’re close, and suddenly receiving the cold shoulder with no explanation? You spent all your time together, this is the one person you thought you could rely on, the one person who you thought listened to you, and now you’re only alone with your thoughts of “what did I do wrong?” Even with Bertie’s clinginess, she valued her friend and admired her, maybe even had a crush on her. She was brought very close only to be given a sudden unexplained coldness. And I can’t blame her for not taking it well, for getting clingy in the hopes she’ll get some kind of affirmation of their relationship after it’s thrown into uncertainty. Undoubtedly, like myself back then, she’s young and doesn’t know how to cope with these feelings and anxieties. To deal with someone you care about treat you so differently so unexpectedly. This was her closest and strongest relationship, the one person who makes up her support system. Who she admires and emulates and ends up codependent to when she finds herself suddenly without her. Idk. I can’t blame her. Of course not everything she did was cool, but reacting like that when you have such strong feelings and don’t know how to cope and don’t have someone else to talk to or rely on? To find someone who’s nice to you and gives you attention who you admire and using their likeness to explore your sense of self? It’s really realistic, and a shitty messy situation, but reasonable. All you can do is understand the context, who young and naive you were, how the other person shouldn’t have just shut you out without explanation or care, how often trauma can play into this and a lack of other strong relationships or support. You made mistakes and didn’t handle it well, but it’s okay. You were a kid. Learn from it, why and where it came from, and then forgive yourself. And then the next step, and the hardest one for me, rediscover and embrace who you are without shame. Because if you do that then you won’t be reliant on others to define yourself. And even though being alone sucks, it won’t be as scary because at least you know who you are. And you are whole.
i feel like Muriel's reaction was realistic. she's a teenager and did not know how to handle it. even adults can't figure out how to handle breaking up a friendship properly.
we wanna be something by looking at what others are. its natural.
I hate my ex best friend. She is a psychopath, I hope she rots and karma bites her ass off, nothing but the worst for her.
Can someone tell me the song that begins at 9:05?
Yes but Muriel is clearly manipulative and abusive too.
Friendships like this are especially weird as a teenager because we’re trying to project what we want to be. I had many friends who I thought I was close with lie to me and reveal to me really important stuff about themselves that they changed so I would like them more. It was always stuff that would have NEVER made me change my mind about them so it was really confusing. I’m starting to think there is something about me that maybe makes them feel like they have to lie to me but I don’t know what it is?? And it was often with people that I was lowkey obsessed with.
I will say that muriel brought this onto herself since she literally manipulated her into being her own image.
I’ve had many similar situations. All started in kindergarten for me. I was super lonely and I had internalized the whole “strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet.” So I was constantly talking and trying to get to know people. Eventually one of the other kids asked me who my best friend was, and—since I didn’t want anyone to be upset— I said I wouldn’t choose a specific person because I considered everyone my friends. A bunch of the kids then went out their way to tell me we weren’t friends. I panicked so bad, and eventually ended up crying and begging one girl to stay friends with me. We stayed “friends” for years. But I never actually mattered to her. If I did something she didn’t like or she got annoyed with me, she would just ignore me and pretend I didn’t exist. There were so many fights, but I was always the one forced to apologize and beg for forgiveness— even when I was firmly not in the wrong.
Since she was the only one who vocally called me her “friend” after that, I thought that was what friendship was. I hated it, but I was so lonely that I didn’t really care. Eventually she transferred schools, and I was able to start finding real friends, but that warped idea of friendship would stick with me so long. It was really hard for me to accept that friendships didn’t have to be so intense and codependent. To the extent that I would really freak out and shut anyone out when I saw signs that we were getting too close. Finally broke that in college when I got actual friends who not only support me, but actually call me out on my shit and give me advice on how to handle it myself.
23 and I finally feel like me.
This is way too true
I have a question for fans of the series, do you really think Muriel had the same traumatic experience like Bertie, or did she actually lied to her?
Knowing how self-centered she is it wouldn't be surprising she made that up just to sound like a cool person. Just look how many OCs and fanfics writen at the time (and still wrote today) where they have main characters with very dark pasts to the point of ridicule, specially among emo teens.
But that's just speculation like any other, at first we can assumed she did told the truth.
21:00 Or maybe yes, and Muriel being the emotional vampire she is doesn't want to adknowledge in front of people because that would give her a bad rep.
I can relate to berdie in this situation. In high-school, I had a lot of people who would use me for friendship. People who'd quickly become my bestfriend but would ditch me for other people. And I'd become obsessed with making them like me, only to realize that it didn't mean anything. I remember in high-school, freshman year it was especially scary. I had friends from middle school but didn't always have someone I knew in my classes. And this one person, that I will call lapis, quickly seemed to latch onto me. It was strange because I never had someone seek out my friendship so much. And we became close quickly, plus we had a lot of classes together. However as lapis grew more and more comfortable with others. I quickly became more of a background person to them. Often they'd speak more to others and leave me out of it. Ditch me for other friends, all whols still claiming us to be bestfriends. We'd even talk about moving out together when we turned 18. Meanwhile, they were actively ignoring me in class, for other people to the point where it was almost embarrassing to try to talk to them at school. I realized later on that they used me as a buffer. They latched on because they didn't want to be alone, but quickly forgot me once they had secured other people. And they'd use me whenever they didn't have someone else to speak with. Eventually, I gave up on them and stopped communicating with them all together. And when we graduated they told me I had been a terrible friend because I ditched them when they needed me the most. I was flabbergasted at this accusation. I haven't spoke to them since and high-school is long ended, but I still remember this.
Whats the specific name of the lo-fi music in the background
Jason Blade don't side with the abuser challenge
everything you say is so correct and smooth and perfectly in light with what i’ve been trying to say this whole time it’s great
Lots of things can cause this. Consider that autistic women can often make people thier special interests.
I love Tuca!! This was a Great video analysis. I was actually very confused by that episode and didn’t realize Muriel was using Bertie as a replacement for her other friend until they became friends again.
I’ve also been where Bertie is being bullied and used by others due to my inability to understand social cues and simple things like sarcasm and conversation tactics I just don’t understand them and don’t see them.
But this is a good lesson to have as you age. Of course they will remember all the cringe in high school, but so many times it’s not about you. They have their own life as an adult. And I’m still working on that side of me.
I still think all the time of how I could have said things or done things differently as a kid and feel stuck in that loop. But I have to remember the cringe things in very high quality replay again and again and then cry from it. It’s really embarrassing.
still a great video and still a great lesson to learn again and again.
Honestly Tuca and Bertie would have been amazing for my child mind back then.
Instead I watched my beloved South Park. Which I still love and cherish. Lol
I had a friendship that was pretty toxic on both sides, ik what bertie is going through, it sucks ass.
thank god i was able to detach myself
Oh my gosh that outfit the bat wears is so cute. I legit bought some overalls the other day and I’m struggling to find a way to wear them and I love that look. Might try to mix it with an arty look idk but like I own everything she’s wearing lol. Maybe I missed the point of the episode 💀
There arent enough bat characters in shows
Thank you so much loved this.. your video fills my heart with joy
I'm so sad the show was cancelled again. one of my favorites :/ rip
The counselor part in the story was very relatable, in school I had to go to the counselor a few times, one for my dad committing a large crime and going to prison, and another was for a friend committing suicide. Both were absolutely no help, the counselors were not adequately trained or knowledgeable in such serious issues.
Reading the comments made me realize that being ghosted by my friends during the pandemic really did affect my ability to actually connect with people
wait so did she groom birdie?
Huh, I've never even watched this show, and just watching a few of these videos has taught me some. It's odd, when I watched the one about obsessive friendships it helped me process some things I've been going through. I had a friend through most of high school, and I latched onto her because she listened to my problems and empathized with me. I did the same for her, and I felt pretty close, up until she started to have a more complicated situation. She had a boyfriend to confide in now, and new problems that I couldn't really relate to as she moved forward. For me, I was going through a mental health crisis, and had to move to online schooling for my senior year, so I hardly saw her (or anyone else) in person. With depression escalating, I self isolated further and rarely called her or picked up the phone. The last few times we talked started to feel less meaningful too, as she seemed a bit dismissive when I would talk of my issues. She had a job and a boyfriend now, whereas I had fell to the lowest I'd ever been, barely surviving and hardly taking care of myself. It didn't help that I had bad OCD and Gender Dysphoria (being a trans girl) to make that depression worse. I couldn't relate to her, and she couldn't relate to me, so I felt like I had lost the only real friendship I had. Before that, I had grown up as a sort of shy, shut in kid, never really experiencing adventure or having close friends. For a short time before it all happened, I did have a friend, and had the energy/motivation to go out and have meaningful experiences. It almost felt like the crisis took away more than just the one friendship I had, but all of the other things that made life meaningful. I felt like that friendship had faded, but didn't want to admit it. Somehow, though, a review of a show I've never seen gave me some perspective on the transience of those high school years, and the friendships and pain experienced there. I guess it gave me some hope at a time when I needed it most.
The world has nothing to offer. No one talks out of HS
I think Muriel was first interested in Bertie because she was going through a lot of pain and isolation, and Muriel romanticized that in her. In reality Muriel was the vampire feeding off of Bertie, and introducing her to her lifestyle was fun for her. Bertie got a sense of confidence and got to feel acceptance despite her trama and she was afraid that losing Muriel will mean losing that sense of belonging. I think Muriel wanted to see how things go with the friendship, and while she did seem to enjoy leading Bertie around, giving her make overs, and introducing her to her music ultimately the kiss was a sign of her no longer caring about what happened to their relationship. She wasn’t afraid of losing Bertie or making things weird, and she probably wanted to experiment with kissing a girl without fear of being rejected. In the beginning of the friendship, it was Muriel who was clingy, and Bertie felt like she found someone she could be close to, then Muriel lost interest in their friendship and Bertie couldn’t handle being cleaved from that closeness.
I think it’s important to note, the people in your life who are most likely to stalk you, are the people who feel closest to you. The people you’ve told you feel safer if they know where you are, are the same people that can consider overstepping a boundary in order to find out where you are even when you haven’t volunteered that information.
Muriel was very immature about ending their friendship, She didn’t feel like she owed Bertie insight to how she was feeling, or her lack of interest in their relationship, or even that she wanted space to hang out with another friend one on one. I honestly think they could have remained friends if Bertie felt secure in giving her space, and Muriel had time to her Friend.
I think the story says a lot about Muriel that her movie was about her kid, that what happened with Bertie is a pattern for her. She was probably close with her moth goth besty, and used Bertie to fill that void of intimacy, then blames Birdie for adopting the lifestyle she introduced her to. Now she has a kid, and resents him for being clingy, and literally looking like her. I assume she decided to entertain motherhood because she craves intimacy, but also resents the responsibility she has for people in her life.
i just went through something similar this month. i was dating this nonbinary person named aubri. one night they kissed me a few times and was really affectionate physically with me. a few days after they told me they didnt want a relationship. after i met them on a dating app. i asked if their ex was causing them issues and they said he didnt need them right now for a romantic relationship, admitting they were still in love with him basically. so yeah. alot of missing context i cant possibly fit into a youtube comment section. but moral of the story. when you are in a low place, dont base everything off someone who reached out to you. they helped you up but that doesint mean they are going to carry you. once you are back on your feet they may stay in your life or not. dont cling to them when they dont want to be there
Thing is I've been in Bertie's shoes. I wasn't as much of a stalker as Bertie, but my fondness for my high school BFF did get pretty obsessive & toxic. Partly cuz I had no prior experience dealing with such strong emotions for someone. And also like Bertie, my friend really broke my heart & it messed up my perception of friendships & my self-worth. Took me so long to heal & realize I wasn't the ONLY one at fault.
This story was really cathartic for me cuz it was really validating to see this situation for how messy & hurtful the outcome really is, as opposed to just chalking up Bertie's behavior as the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend stereotype & brushing her feelings aside.
I had a male friend in college who used me to fill a void he needed a mom, that’s all it was. He missed his family and as soon as he made another female friend who was willing to essentially mother him without being his partner he moved me further away from him. Our whole friend group pointed it out and he just shrugged it off saying it was because I was too busy and “we didn’t have the same interests anymore” mine never changed his did. He used most of our friends to get food, pot and alcohol
20:14 Yeah she did and Tuca and You are preaching the truth about Middle School and Highschool
They way Bertie reacted to Tuca’s texting, appearance and her mannerism in S2 episode 9, might’ve been dejavu for Bertie.
What episode is this?
I don’t have much sympathy for Muriel. She definitely is the manipulative and selfish type and judging from the interview where Bertie confronts her as an adult hasn’t changed much. (That poor child when he finds out his mom made a horror movie about him)
Bertie started reacting to Murial’s distancing by overcompensating with behavior she thought would win Muriel back. And once again instead of anyone taking into account Bertie’s feelings while she was photographed crying and then posted in the yearbook Muriel gets mad at her for something she was responsible for. (Changing Bertie’s appearance) So in my mind Bertie is the victim here who once again due to her passive people-pleasing personality and trauma viewed herself and thought others viewed her as a leach because a friend was unfairly and suddenly distancing themselves from her. All of that said, I’m glad she still recognized that trying to be like someone and seek their approval through obsessed and codependent behavior will only hurt you as a person in the long run. Also like Tuca said, not everything is about her and her realizing that with this whole episode helps Birdie slowly step outside herself in a healthy way.
Happened to me before